


Your Love Can be My Sight

by Ashesofthesoul



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 60,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1844698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashesofthesoul/pseuds/Ashesofthesoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seventeen year old Lovino Vargas lost his sight in a terrible car accident. Antonio, a teacher at Lovino's school was born without it. Can Antonio teach Lovino that even without sight, life can be beautiful? (Human High School Au, Eventual Spamano)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Twenty-six year old Antonio Fernandez- Carriedo sighed as he walked up to the dorm room, reaching out to feel the number. A smile sat on his lips, the Spanish man wasn’t sure if he was nervous or excited. His bag was slung over his shoulder, brunette locks messy as he reached out and knocked. Antonio was a teacher at Hetalia Academy, mainly of languages. However, his boss, the headmaster of the school, Romulus Maximillus Vargas, had asked him to be a mentor over a young student, a seventeen year old by the name of Lovino Vargas. The grandson of Romulus himself, Lovino had been blinded two weeks before in a car accident and needed help learning and adjusting. The boy had been lucky to survive, he had been the only one in the car, and his seat belt had prevented him from flying through the windshield when he hit the tree. However, glass fragments had embedded themselves in his eyes. The doctors at the hospital had tried everything they could to save the young Italian’s vision, but their efforts had been proven fruitless. Other than that, he had escaped relatively unscathed. Some cuts, some bruises, and he was now walking with the slightest limp, but nothing severe, save for his eyes. Upon his release from the hospital, he had proceeded to lock himself in his dorm room, curling up in his bed, unmoving. At first, Romulus had told himself his little grandson just needed some time. A bit of space to accept what had happened to him. But soon, he had grown concerned with the teenagers increasingly distant behaviour and self-isolation. Since Antonio himself had been born blind, Romulus had decided there was no better person to help his grandson, and Antonio had been informed that he'd be moving into Lovino's dorm, and the teen would be transferred into all the Spanish mans classes. He was not to leave Antonio’s side until he learned how to safely care for himself.. However.... the twenty six year old wasn't unhappy with this decision. He had had Lovino in just one of his classes before, and Antonio thought he had seemed like a very sweet boy underneath the cold front Lovino put up.  
Lovino scowled from underneath the blankets, letting out the tiniest growl. “Nonno, Feliciano, I already told you to fuck off and leave me alone!” He snarled from his hiding place. His face was dirty, his hair dishevelled. There were tracks in the dirt from the tears that had been falling relentlessly since the accident, the sadness feeling like it was absolutely unending. He was terrified, although he would never admit it to his grandfather and fifteen year old brother. Why worry them more with his problems, he had already put a hole in their savings from his hospital bills. Lovino remembered the crash, remembered the feeling of falling as the car rolled down the bank, remembered hearing the sickening crunch as his brand new convertible had wrapped around the tree. He remembered pain, starting first in his legs, before an exploding white light in his emerald eyes and then- nothingness. All that for the life of a stupid rabbit. The next thing Lovino remembered was waking up in the hospital, in utter darkness. He had been scared, pleading with his grandfather to turn on the lights. The boy could have sworn he heard a soft sob, as Romulus took his hand and squeezed it gently, breaking the news to him. But Lovino hadn’t believed it at first. The tears had come from the unseeing orbs without restraint, the teenager had pleaded, sobbed, begged for his grandfather to tell him it was just a mean prank, for him to turn on the lights. But that wasn’t happening, and the boy was plunged into a blackness. He was alone in it.  
Hearing the knocking continue, he groaned. Who the fuck was it? Grandpa and Feli would have at least answered him. “It’s open!” He finally shouted at the door, clutching his head. Anything to get that fucking knocking to stop!  
Finally having been given permission to enter the room, Antonio cautiously opened the door. “Hola, is this Lovino Vargas’ room?” He asked, rather unneededly. The teacher had recognized the boys voice instantly. “This is Señor Fernandez-Carriedo, I’m coming in, niño.”  
The moving from under the blanket instantly stopped as Lovino went rigid. A second later, a brunette head popped up. Señor Fernandez-Carriedo? That was definitely the last person Lovino would expect to find in his room, although, in retrospect, perhaps it honestly should have been the first. “W-what are you doing here?” He spat. “No doubt my Nonno sent you!”  
Antonio stepped into the room, using a wall for leverage as he followed the sound of Lovino’s voice to the bed, feet hitting kleenex, food wrappers, and dirty clothes as he went. The smell in the room was noxious, Antonio could tell the teenager had not left the bed since he had returned from the hospital. “Si, you are right, niño. He has reassigned me to stay here with you, and help you learn how to live without your sight.” He explained nervously. It had been his experience that Lovino was prone to fly off the handle in fits of irritation, so he was braced to have things thrown at him, to be hit. Finally, he reached the bed, sitting on the edge of it, near the teen, but being careful not to touch him. “I can teach you how to do all the things you did before, how to look after yourself. I’ll teach you how to see without your eyes-”  
“Shut up!” Lovino screamed, effectively cutting the older man off. “Just shut up…” The smallest whimper escaped him in spite of himself, as he clutched his head, lightly tugging at his auburn locks. “You’re lying… spouting all these pretty words to try to comfort me, like Nonno, like everyone else. Seeing without my eyes, how is that even possible!?” He sobbed. “All I am now is a waste of space! Everyone hated me before, but now they’ll pity me too!” He wailed.  
Gentle, calloused hands lifted, moving forward until they had found what they were looking for. Slowly, as to not startle the boy, they brushed over soft, full cheeks, removing any tears they found. Antonio fumbled to find the boys hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He knew how scary it was to learn. “Please. Trust me. Let me teach you, and if it doesn’t help, I’ll tell your grandfather.” He swore.  
Lovino had honestly never been more grateful his teacher couldn’t see than at that moment, God, he could feel his cheeks heating up at the gentle touch to his face. The blush never faded, intensifying as the older man took his hand. “A-alright bastard… if it’ll shut my Nonno up, you can teach me.” He finally agreed. “Just to shut him up though! N-not because I trust you or anything! So what’s first bastard?”  
A grin broke out across Antonio’s face when the boy gave in, and, squeezing his hands once more, he lifted the others hands, placing them on Antonio’s own face. “I want you to feel ok? Memorize every detail and tell me what you “see”. See with your hands, paint a picture in your mind. Make sure that if I pick you up or touch you, you are going to know it is me. I don’t want you to panic.” He explained.  
Squeaking in surprise, Lovino fought the urge to pull his hands away. This was too weird! Still, after a moment, he relaxed, doing as he was told.Nimble, shy fingers traced over Antonio’s ,jaw, memorizing the shape, his high cheekbones. Next they slid across his nose, and eyelids. He hesitated only a moment before brushing his thumb over the soft, slightly wet, full lips in front of him, trying to ignore his ever intensifying blush. Finally, he had an image of the others face in his mind, his memories giving the picture bright color, as his fingers slid into chocolate curls, before moving downwards. They brushed over the dip over his throat, over Antonio’s Adam’s Apple, the Spaniard swallowing and causing it to move, a smile on his lips as the boy laughed in spite of himself. Lovino paused, frowning as he brushed a small patch of skin that was different at the base of Antonio’s throat, just above the neckline of his shirt. He brushed it again, silently asking. “A scar.” Antonio answered. “Good job noticing the difference, you’re doing such a good job, niñito! I’m so proud of you!” He meant it too.  
“S-shut up!” Lovino snapped, but there was no venom in his voice, just a touch of embarrassment. Still, he felt pride swelling in his chest at the praise. He was doing good? The words gave him a bit more confidence, as he traced out the others shoulders, feeling the firm muscles beneath his touch, and down his arms, before moving them to his chest. Lovino slowly memorized every contour, every valley, until he had it all memorized.  
By this point, Antonio’s own cheeks burned crimson, but it was mostly because he too was shy. “That was very good, Lovi!” He chortled proudly. “Do you think you’ll be able to recognize me now?”  
“...what the fuck is a Lovi?” If he had been able to, he would have glared, but he simply had to settle for a scowl the older man wouldn’t even see. “Stupid Spanish bastard…” He mumbled, moving away from the other slightly. “Yeah, jerkface, I think I’ll be able to.”  
Antonio just laughed warmly, reaching out to ruffle the boys hair. “Good, because I think first off, we should give you a bath! You stink.” He teased. He didn’t even flinch when the boy swatted his hand away, huffing. “I don’t need you to help me, bastard, I’m not a five year old, I can bathe myself!” Lovino spat.  
“Is that so?” Dear God, Lovino fumed, the bastard had the audacity to sound amused at his anger! “Well, niñito, it’s been two weeks, and until you learn how to walk without bumping into things, how to fill a tub and know when it’s full by sound alone, and how not to miss your shampoo bottles, or face for that matter, I think you need the help.” He pointed out, and even without seeing, Lovino could tell the bastard was grinning. “Fine…” He finally grumbled.  
“Brace yourself.” Antonio warned. “I’m picking you up.” He did so with ease, carrying him bridal style as he stood. Romulus had explained to him the basic layout of the dorms, and so if he was correct- yes. The bathroom would be just right of the beds. His smile only grew as the boy got over his hesitation, winding an arm around Antonio’s neck. He just didn’t want to fall, it wasn’t like this jerk was warm and nice!  
Lovino pouted slightly when he was set down on the counter, reluctantly letting go of his hold on the others man neck. He was silent as Antonio began to run the water, humming lightly and adding bubbles. As the tub filled, his fingers slid up the walls, finding everything he needed. “Are you alright?” He asked Lovino, growing concerned with the boys silence. Was there something wrong??  
“Fine bastard.” Lovino said quietly. Mostly, he was thinking. Why was this man being so kind to him? Admittedly, this was the first person since the accident to treat him as though he was still a person, capable of anything, the first one to not apologize for his loss. And he knew Antonio wouldn’t. After all, the Spaniard had never had his sight. Had never experienced color, had never seen trees. Antonio was firm in the classroom, and Lovino knew he would not allow him to wallow in self pity, but would push him to do his best to learn how to cope, how to live a full life. Honestly, Lovino was grateful for that. Maybe he could give the man a chance, he decided.  
Antonio helped him off the counter, patting his head. “Can you undress yourself niño? Just remember, see with your hands.” Lovino gave a nod, although neither could see it. “I can manage.” He told the other, but most of the attitude was gone from his voice as he removed his shirt and pants, fighting the urge to cover his nudity. He knew he didn’t have to, Antonio couldn’t see him. “S-señor Fernandez-Carriedo?” He said timidly. “C-can you help me into the tub? I’m scared I’ll fall.” He confessed. Antonio smiled, taking the boys hand and guiding him in, telling him when to lift his feet. “Of course, niñito. But you can call me Toni, ok? It’ll be a bit easier since we’re living together.” He laughed, ruffling the boys hair, before beginning it delicately wash it for him.  
“Alright… Toni.” He repeated, smiling as he tilted his head up at the man. Antonio let his fingers touch the smile for a moment, smiling himself, before lathering up a cloth as he began to wash across the boys face, shoulders, chest and back, making sure to get of all the dirt. When he was done, he carefully closed Lovino’s fingers around the cloth. “You can wash your own lower half, si?”  
Lovino nodded without hesitation. “Si… I can.” He replied, fingers clutching the cloth. He took his time, his movements a little awkward at first, as Antonio set Lovino’s hand on his own tummy. “Lovi, I want you to try to feel everything, memorize each detail alright? Feeling is very important when you can’t see.” Lovino paused, before focusing as Antonio told him to. He could feel the water brushing in small waves against his skin, just a few inches up from where his fingers touched. The bubbles tickled his chest softly, and he had to confess the wet warmth was quite soothing. The scent of the apple shampoo the teacher had used to wash his hair drifted into his nostrils, and he sighed softly. He was cautious at first as he began to run the cloth over the soft tanned skin of his stomach. He washed his most private places, before moving on, focusing on the feel of the rough cloth as it brushed his smooth thighs. He could feel the bumpy ridges that marred the otherwise perfect skin, scars, he knew, that remained from his accident. Slightly bumpy knees were next, before his hands slid the fabric of his calves and ankles, towards his feet. He giggled to himself as he wiggled each toe, feeling the water slosh around each, conforming to the empty, moving spaces like a glove. It was almost a relief in itself, to feel that everything was still there, was still working. He hadn’t lost everything.  
Finally he finished, Antonio helping him out and wrapping him in a fluffy towel. Lovino could feel each finger tip against his skin, could feel the callouses, so rough, and yet every touch was so incredibly tender that he couldn’t help but warm up to this man. He wanted to ask what had caused the rough pads on the others fingers, it was obvious it was from years of hard work at something. He took a small breath, his nose allowing him to memorize even more of Antonio. Although the other spent all day in a classroom, he smell of the earth, of dirt, and the sweet scent of- was that flowers?, and sweat, although it was anything but unpleasant. Antonio once more lifted the thin boy, careful that the towel stayed in place as he carried him back to his room. Lovino found himself relaxing into Antonio’s chest as he was carried, pouting once more as he was set him on the bed, before rummaging through the nearby drawers feeling or a long nightshirt. It was worn and soft, Antonio figured it’d be comforting. “You should try to get some sleep.” He told the teen as he got it on him and tucked him in, stroking through his hair softly, before pulling away.  
“Si.. buona notte… Toni…” Lovino mumbled sleepily, curling into his pillow and drifting to sleep. And with that sleepy little whisper of his name, so akin to an angel, filled with such innocence, Antonio’s heart melted.


	2. Chapter 2

Two a.m, and Antonio thought all was well. He had locked the door, made sure nothing hot was on. No water was running. He had checked every light switch he could find, although why they were on was more of habit for Lovino. Speaking of the boy, Antonio had checked on him before laying down in the bed on the other side of the room. He had felt his head, and pet his back gently, checking that his breathing was calm and steady. Finally content that all was as it should be, he allowed himself to drift to sleep. By three though, he was awoken by a terrified scream from across the room. Instantly Antonio was alert, moving to the other bed, searching for the boys hands. He gripped them soothingly, his thumb stroking the back of the others hand.  
“What happened?” He asked gently. He kept his voice tender, and soft, trying to make out Lovino’s words amidst the broken, terrified sobs. And he could tell just how terrified they were, by the way Lovino’s breathing came fast and panicked, and the way Lovino reached out to feel the fabric of Antonio’s shirt, before catapulting into his arms, clinging on tightly. “I had a nightmare!” He wailed. “I was in the car again…. and it was hurting… everything was hurting… a-and I woke up.. a-and thought it was all a dream!!! B-But it’s dark, and I’m scared!”  
Antonio felt his chest tighten, a protective urge welling up inside of him. All at once, the teacher had carefully tugged Lovino onto his lap, strong arms winding around him, shielding him from anything that could possibly hurt him. “Shhh… I’m here Lovi…. you’re safe… you aren’t alone. You aren’t in the car. I won’t let anything hurt you, never again.” Antonio’s heart went out for the younger boy, he felt so frail and small and vulnerable in the Spaniard’s arms, as Antonio rubbed his back soothingly, one hand lifting to stroke through auburn locks. He couldn’t imagine actually having sight and then having it stolen away without warning. He had never had it, so it wasn’t something he missed too much. He was curious about it, of course he was. He wondered what trees looked like, what colors were. He didn’t know, for example, what green looked like. But he knew green smelled like fresh cut grass, like the wind blowing through the leaves on a warm spring day. He knew red smelled like the tomato fields behind the school, the ones he faithfully tended to. He knew brown smelled like the earth, rich and full, slightly musty but in the most wonderful way. These were colors he had been told these things were- but he knew them as their touch, their scents. He knew them for what they really were.  
“Lovi…” He whispered into his hair, peppering it with sweet, protective kisses, the same as he had to his brother when he was younger. “Lovi, listen to me. You’re safe, little one.”  
“No one will want me now!” Lovino sobbed. “They already hated me, and now they will pity me too! T-toni, they’re going to make fun of me… I already came in second to Feliciano, but now… there’s nothing special about me at all.. I can’t do anything now!”  
Antonio let out a soft laugh, stroking his cheek. “Oh Lovi… you couldn’t be more wrong. Listen to me, ok? When you had your sight, did you ever take the time to stand outside? To feel the breeze blowing through your hair? To feel it on your skin, cooling and comforting? Have you ever stood in a field taking in all the scents? Or have you only seen? Lovino… you say you aren’t special now? Well, you get to experience the world in a completely different way that most people don’t! You get to learn how to do things differently than anyone else. You can still draw. I’ll teach you! I’ll teach you how to read braille too! But first, we have to teach you the basics. Walking, cooking, bathing, etc. I promise you, you are so special, and I believe in you.” He swore.  
Lovino paused, tipping his head up towards the voice out of habit. A soft breath escaped his lips, he was more than a little bit stunned. “A-antonio… do you really mean that?” He asked, his voice quiet, holding his awe and disbelief.  
“I really do.” Antonio reassured.  
Lovino’s fingers curled into little fists in Antonio’s shirt, he let out a breath, before burying his face in Antonio’s neck, nose brushing over the crook of the soft skin, breathing in the Spaniard’s scent. It was more soothing than he chose to confess, like how his Papa had held him when he was a child. “T-toni?” He whispered, his slight stutter giving away his nervousness. “Will you sleep with me tonight? Please?” He was terrified of making Antonio leave. This man understood him. He didn’t coddle him, yet even as he pushed him, he comforted. Antonio knew how he felt, how the darkness felt. And Lovino trusted him.  
Antonio’s face smiled, he lifted Lovino’s fingers to his face, letting him feel the tender curl of his lips. “Of course I will.” He said softly, moving to lay beside the other, keeping him close in his arms. He didn’t feel bad about it or like it was inappropriate. He had done this for Alejo when he was small and had bad dreams, it came as second nature to him. “You’re alright…. you’re alright…” He whispered over and over again as he stroked his hair. When Lovino had fallen asleep, he kissed his head, once more letting himself drift into slumber.


	3. Chapter 3

“Lovino, it’s time to get up for school~!” Antonio singsonged from the dorm rooms small kitchenette, as he flipped the eggs lightly. Even without his sight, Antonio was a wonderful cook. He had learned to tell when things were done by scent, by the heat that rolled upwards from the pan towards his face. He knew the dials by touch, knew exactly how far to turn them. He had made them tomato and cheese omelettes, the Spaniard had figured Lovino hadn’t eaten anything real and hot in a while.  
“Hnn… don’t wanna go!” Lovino whined from the bed. “The other kids are going to make fun of me! And how the fuck am I supposed to go to my classes bastard!? Or do my work!?” He sat up, rubbing his unseeing emerald eyes out of habit. “A-ah! It smells good in here, you jerk, what are you doing!?” He asked, almost excitedly. When had he last eaten something homecooked?? Before the hospital, at least!  
The Spanish man wasn’t phased by the grumpy tone, not one bit. “Your abuello has transferred you into all my classes.” He explained. Warmth emanated from his voice, washing over Lovino in waves, relieving his every fear. The teen could almost hear the others soft lips turn upwards, and all at once he was struck with the urge to reach out and feel. He resisted. “Eventually I’ll teach you to read braille, and get you some braille books to work on, but for now, I thought it would be best if we worked on the basics first? Walking without bumping into things, being able to do things like hygiene yourself, knowing where you are using your other senses. For now though, you can draw while I teach, or you can even curl up on my lap and take a siesta, I know you’re still tired a lot after the bad dreams. I have a special surprise for you later, but you have to wait to find out what it is!” He set the omelettes on the table, moving to Lovino’s side and taking his hand, leading him towards it and getting him seated. “I made you a tomato and cheese omelette, I tend the tomato fields behind the school, so your abuello lets me take as many of them as I want!” He laughed, ruffling Lovino’s hair. “I thought you might like something hot to eat, si?”  
“Knowing where I am with other senses?” Lovino questioned, taking a bite. A noise of pure delight escaped the teenager’s mouth, god had tomatoes and eggs always tasted this mindblowingly amazing!? “Mio Dio… Toni this is so good!!!” He groaned in satisfaction, scarfing it down eagerly. “You cooked this!?” Honestly, he was quite curious, Antonio said he could draw, but how could he if he couldn’t see?? But when Antonio said surprise, he squealed excitedly, his cheeks soon heating up in embarrassment.  
“You’ll see what I mean.” Antonio promised. He tried to hold back a laugh at the others childlike excitement over something so simple as hot food, but he couldn’t help it, a low rumbled chuckle slipping past his lips. “I’m very glad you like it.” He replied, reaching out to ruffle the boys hair lightly. “Si, I did. After I teach you the basics, and how to read, I’ll teach you how to cook!” He promised.  
Lovino had to admit, he was actually very excited. A lot of his fears had dissipated, and he found that Antonio had almost convinced him that the loss of his sight was simply a chance to experience a beautiful world in a completely new and different way.   
“Remember to use all your senses.” Antonio gently reminded, and the teenager did try. He felt the texture of the eggs in his mouth, the scent and taste absolutely mouth watering. He felt the cool metal of his fork brushing his tongue, sending a tingling shiver down his spine. Everything was so vibrant, so much more prominent than it had been when he had only been seeing.   
When they were finished eating, and the Spaniard had gotten Lovino dressed, he put the dishes in the sink, before taking Lovino’s hand. “I’m going to pick you up again.” He warned, before hoisting the other into his arms. “Where are we going?” Lovino asked timidly, clinging on to the others neck, burying his face in the soft chocolate curls. He took in a deep breath, Antonio’s hair smelled like tomatoes and strawberries. It was intoxicating.   
“We’re going to the car. I have someone pick me up every morning.” Antonio explained, nuzzling his hair lightly. “Feel the breeze?”  
Lovino’s face absolutely lit up, his voice held a childlike wonder. “I do! I feel it!!” He chirped. It brushed over his skin like a caress, tingling and cooling. He could feel his soft hair tickling his forehead. The fingers of one hand lifted, stroking over his face in amazement. “Toni! Toni, I smell fresh bread! We’re near the bakery!” The teen was very proud of himself for figuring it out, as Antonio buckled him in and kissed his head. “Now Lovi, I want you to keep doing that ok? Feel the breeze, see if you can figure out where we are just by what you can hear and smell ok?” He got in the back seat beside him, making sure the windows were rolled down as he took the teens hand, the Spaniard was determined to ensure that Lovino knew there was a safe presence near him. He could only imagine how frightening being in a car would be for Lovino. Ah, but the boy was too distracted, focusing as best he could on all the things Antonio had told him to pay attention to.  
He listened carefully as they drove- he could hear children laughing and playing, could smell fresh cut grass. A warm, sweet laugh escaped his own lips. “We’re near the elementary school! On Ridge Avenue and Second Street!” He told Antonio, snuggling into the older man. “Am I right!?”  
“Si, little one, you are.” Antonio praised. “I’m so proud of you!!!” He meant it too, already Lovino was getting so good at picking out his locations. He couldn’t wait to give Lovino his present, to hear his excitement. Lovino lifted his fingers a moment, pausing timidly. “T-toni? C-can I feel?” He asked.  
The Spaniard once more gently squeezed Lovino’s hand, causing the boy to smile sweetly. “Of course you can. You don’t ever need to ask, ok?” Antonio leaned forward to kiss his head, before staying perfectly still while Lovino ran his hands over the older mans cheeks and lips, feeling the upward curve. It was soothing to know he really was smiling.  
“Lovi, listen to me, ok?” One strong arm was gently wound around Lovino’s shoulders, keeping the boy close. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ok? You’re going to stay right by my side. Your grandpa said he won’t push you to talk to anyone but me until you are ready alright?” As they approached the school, the sounds of chattering teens filling the air, Antonio found himself uncharacteristically nervous. What would he do, if someone tried to upset Lovino? He felt so absolutely protective over this boy, his heart hammering in his chest. He’d keep him safe. Isn’t it strange, how quickly I’ve come to consider this boy dear? He thought. It must be because he reminds me so much of Alejo. He’s so young and innocent, even if he hides his sweetness behind a foul mouth.   
Antonio was the first to get out of the car, moving to the other side to help Lovino out. Once more he captured his hand. “Lovi, you have a choice now ok? I can either carry you to the classroom, or you can hold my hand and walk.”  
“Can.. C-can I maybe hold onto your arm while we walk there?” The Italian was understandably frightened- this was his first time back to school since the accident. He had already been bullied and treated cruelly before, mostly because of his bitter attitude. How much worse was it going to be now? Already he began to panic, his breath hitching and increasing in speed, shallow in nature.   
“Shhh..” Antonio cooed. “Lovinito, you’re safe. I’m right here, ok little one? Of course you can hold my arm.” He hated seeing the boy so afraid. What had these people done to his poor little one to cause such unadulterated terror as what now was crystal clear in Lovino’s tone. The boy’s whole frame shook, as he wound his two arms around Antonio’s one, clinging on tightly. He buried his face in the mans shoulder as they walked, feeling the crisp cool fabric of the teacher’s button down shirt brush against his nose slightly. It scratched, but didn’t hurt.  
But already the whispers had begun. -What the fuck is wrong with the Vargas brat? I bet he’s just doing this for attention. I heard he was in an accident, too bad it didn’t finish the job. Poor Feliciano, having to have such a pitiful brother. At least he wasn’t in the car.- All around the two they swirled, like venomous snakes that bit and latched on. “Keep your chin up.” Antonio murmured quietly. “Ignore them, they aren’t worth your time. Remember that you are so special.”   
Tears welled in Lovino’s unseeing orbs, the words hurt his heart worse than any accident ever could. But then he remembered that Antonio was beside him, and he truly cared. Antonio wasn’t going anywhere. That soothed him greatly, and he did as the man had said, lifting his chin, a determined look on his face as he repeated the Spaniard’s words in his head. He was special. He was learning things others didn’t.   
At the doorway, Antonio scooped him up, carrying him in, before carefully positioning the boy in his large, comfortable chair. Rummaging through the bag he had taken, he pulled out the soft blanket, winding it around the teen carefully. “You can rest for now, ok? Focus on my voice only. I’m right here.” He promised, before beginning his lesson.


	4. Chapter 4

Antonio’s lilting voice was the last thing Lovino heard as he drifted to sleep in the big, plush chair, the cool leather soft on his cheek, the blanket providing him with a sense of security. The Spaniard’s voice was like music, soft and twinkling, melodious in his ears. Even before the accident, the thick rich tones had captivated the teenager. It had always sounded so warm. Unlike everyone else, it never held malice, or annoyance, or frustration. The older man always sounded so interested in whatever he was speaking about, so vibrant, so alive. It had always made Lovino pay strict attention to the lesson, Antonio’s full enthusiasm over the languages he taught had made Lovino hold excitement in learning them too.  
As he slept, the boy dreamed. He dreamed in bright technicolor, he dreamed of his sight, of his memories. A whimper escaped the unconscious boy as the words of the people in the hall ran through his head. What had he ever done to them to make them hate him? He couldn’t honestly think of anything, other than the attitude that came out when he was shy or nervous.  
He was two and a half the first time he felt the cold chill of abandonment. Before Feliciano had been born, Mama and Papa had loved Lovino. He was their treasure, and he loved them every ounce as much as they loved him. The toddler didn’t throw fits, he ate all his vegetables when mama cooked them, and always tried to help Papa tend the fields. Everyone told him what a good boy he was. But then.. Lovino had been confused when the strange crying bundle had been brought home. _This is your baby brother._ He had been told. _He’s going to need your help learning, and growing up to be a good boy like you._ Papa had told him. And for the first while, Lovino had been happy to be a big brother. He loved Feliciano, and would constantly try to help. He would bring Mama the baby bottles, would try to share his toys with the baby. However, by the time Feliciano had turned a year old, things had changed for poor little Lovino. Mama and Papa had taken his room, and made it into the nursery, while Lovino was moved into a room big enough for his bed and a dresser. Papa didn’t let him help in the fields anymore, and mama always yelled at him for being underfoot. No longer did they call him a good boy, he was ignored completely.  
As the boys grew, it only got worse. Lovino’s birthday would be completely forgotten, while Feliciano would be thrown extravagant parties. Everyone praised the younger Vargas, Lovino’s drawings for Mama never even went on the fridge anymore, because “Feliciano has such talent! Lovino, don’t be selfish, we need to show off his gifts!” And still he loved his Mama and Papa dearly. He had been devastated when, at eight years old, they had been killed in a plane crash coming back from vacation. But even at the funeral. Everyone paid attention to Feliciano, kissing him and telling him it’d be ok. Lovino had been completely ignored, until a strong set of arms had hoisted him up, holding him close. “My dear little Lovino…” Grandpa’s deep voice had rumbled in his ear. “I know how it hurts you. But never forget that you are special. Your gifts run far deeper, and you, little one, are my greatest treasure.”   
The boys had gone to live with grandpa after that, and Romulus had held true to his word. He coddled Feliciano, yes, but he treasured and favored Lovino. Everyone else, however, did not. He was bullied at school, by teachers and other children alike. Everyone compared him to his brother, and he began to shut himself off. He developed a hard shell, with everyone but his grandfather. Truly, Romulus was the only one to see the real Lovino.  
Until Toni.  
Lovino’s dreams shifted at the thought of the man who had promised to care for him, to protect him. He could feel those warm, loving arms around him, it reminded him of how Grandpa held him sometimes, or of how Papa had loved him before Feliciano had come along. Honestly, every last one of the teenager’s walls were beginning to crumble because of the Spanish man. “Pa….” The word slipped out unhindered from the boys lips. He couldn’t help but wonder why Antonio had no children of his own though, he would make such a wonderful Papa.  
The man in question was standing at the front of the room, hands moving in excitement as he taught the lesson. Today the class was discussing Spanish culture, and Antonio held all the joy and excitement of a child as he spoke of his home, of the traditions he and his Mama and hermanito had had growing up.  
Antonio was the type that everyone loved. Of course, when he had first transferred here a few years ago, there had been students who had made fun of the teachers lack of sight, of the dark sunglasses that covered his eyes. Antonio hadn’t let it bother him. More so, however, came the whispers from the girls, and some of the boys even, about how handsome the man was. The students were curious, and for the first two months, he had been bombarded with curious questions. _Are you single? Are you married? When did you move here from Spain? How old are you, you don’t look old enough to teach!_ Antonio had been quite embarrassed, a deep crimson dancing over sun kissed cheeks. However, the embarrassment had soon worn off, and Antonio found himself more amused by these girls than anything. He refrained from telling them he was gay, let the little ones have their hopes, it was better to not dash their little daydreams.  
“Alright, turn to page 376, and do exercise A through F.” He instructed the class. “When you are finished, as always, we’ll open the floor to discussion.” With that, he returned t his chair, he crouched down, stroking through Lovino’s hair softly, checking the soft breathing. The boy was out like a light, and Antonio was glad. He seemed peaceful. Carefully, as to not wake the teenager up, Antonio lifted him, blanket and all, before sitting, and resting the boy on his lap, Lovino’s head on his chest. Immediately, the Italian took to this new warmth and comfort. Delicate fingers curled into fists in the crisp cotton, Lovino’s face moved almost instinctually to bury itself in the crook of Antonio’s neck.  
The spaniard chuckled, feeling the boys warm breath tickling his throat. Ah, he hadn’t held anyone like this since Alejo was small. It was comforting to Antonio too, he wrapped his arms around him, stroking over his back. The thick, uneven ripples of Lovino’s t-shirt moved with the touches, smoothing and unsmoothing. One large hand lifted to the boys hair, Antonio was getting pretty good at knowing how to find his way around Lovino, and began to tenderly caress the auburn locks. The Spanish man was amazed at how silky the strands felt under his fingers, how they slid along his fingers so easily. He inhaled slightly, smiling. Lovino still smelled of the apple and jasmine shampoo Antonio had used to wash him the night before. It was slightly feminine, but somehow, Antonio mused, it fit the teenager perfectly. _He’s so innocent and small._ He thought, cradling him just a little bit closer. _I don’t understand how anyone could be cruel to this precious child._ A small pang of pain erupted in his chest, like a swift knife to his heart. _No, Toni, don’t think about it. It’s been a long time, you’re alright now._ He pushed the thoughts of Alejo from his mind, focusing on the boy in his arms.  
When the students were finished their work, Antonio cleared his throat. “Alright class, time for the floor to be opened up for discussion.” Every class, Antonio would leave the last fifteen minutes open for discussion. The students could talk or ask about anything they wanted, the lesson, about Antonio, about something going on in the school or community. Anything at all. Normally he would stand, using the voices as navigation. But today was different. He carefully rolled his chair out from around the desk, keeping Lovino close. The boy hadn’t stirred, not even once. Antonio already knew how strange he must look with the student right now, and after hearing those horrid whispers in the halls, he was bracing for the slew of questions and cruel comments he knew would come.  
“Why is Vargas allowed to skip out on working?” A cold voice from the back of the room sounded. “Everyone knows he’s just trying to get more attention.” It scoffed.  
“Yeah, he’s so fucking pathetic! Just because the car didn’t finish the job doesn’t mean he should get treated special!”  
Antonio’s normal smile faltered, an icy chill coming over the room as the Spanish teacher scowled. “I suggest you either stop, or explain your pathetic hatred for this poor child.” He spat. “Because as far as I can tell, he’s absolutely precious, and I should know, I’m the one teaching him how to live without his sight.”  
The entire room went silent, they hadn’t expected Antonio to get honestly angry, and instantly, a few of them were filled with remorse. “He’s a stupid little faggot! He runs his mouth constantly, and thinks he’s so fucking big when he isn’t even good at anything! Poor little Feliciano must hate having to deal with such a fucking pathetic older brother, who constantly tries to steal his limelight!”  
“Well, then I guess you all hate me too.” Antonio remarked. “Since I am also, as you so kindly put it, a stupid faggot. So maybe I should just go ahead and quit now so you all don’t have to see my stupid faggot face right?” He snarled, his face holding so much anger.  
Once more the room fell silent. “We didn’t… m-mean you Sir… we like you… e-even if you are gay, that doesn’t matter…”  
“Then why should it matter if he is!?” Antonio continued. He was absolutely furious, he loved these kids dearly, but he was so incredibly disappointed in them. “I thought higher of all of you than that, never thought you would all sink to such levels of inhumanity! Now then, since you’re all so keen on voicing your hatred, I expect to hear reasons of why.”  
“He’s always so stuck up! He doesn’t talk to anyone, and he called me a slut!” One girl spoke up.  
Soon though, another cut her off, this one defending the sleeping, sightless boy in Antonio’s arms. “Yeah, after you shoved him into wall and kissed him, knowing he doesn’t like girls! He’s been out of the closet for almost three years now! Valerie, you are a slut.” The boy scoffed, causing the girl to slide down in her seat, scowling. The boy rolled his eyes, continuing. “Lovino hasn’t done anything to deserve this sir. These idiots are just- they’re jealous. He’s been giving his lunch to Hannah every day for the past two years, because her family can’t afford to give her one. He also helped Dana get the paint out of her hair after James dumped that bucket of paint on her after gym.”  
Another voice soon joined in Lovino’s defense. “Yeah! The difference between Feliciano and Lovino is that Lovino doesn’t need to be praised and coddled for being a decent human. He doesn’t want the attention. He quietly helps, and continues on his way without needing praise.”  
A soft little noise broke everyone from their conversation, twenty four sets of eyes locking onto the boy on Antonio’s lap. At first, as always, Lovino was disoriented. But feeling those strong, loving arms still holding him so tightly, yet so gently brought him back to reality quickly. “Pa…” He breathed sleepily, rubbing his eyes in the most adorable fashion, the action more of a habit than anything. Unseen by the two in the front, over half the faces in the room dusted pink. Had Lovino always been so adorable? He had never seemed so innocent and small before, his foul mouth had always made him seem easily hatable. But now, the boy was too scared, too broken to be loud, to put up his defense. He was completely vulnerable, relying only on Antonio to protect him.   
“Shh… shh niño… I’m right here.” Antonio cooed soothingly in his ear, lips brushing his temple. No one thought it was anything other than it was, Antonio protecting the boy. The two looked almost like a father and son in that moment, as Lovino timidly reached up to run his fingers over Antonio’s face, feeling each soft ridge. He could hear soft whispers from around the room, but this time, they held no real menace. Lovino ignored them anyways. All he wanted to focus on was his protector’s smooth skin under his fingers. His fingers slid up to tangle in soft, fluffy curls, tugging lightly, but with no intention to harm, only to feel the wispy locks tense and bounce back against his fingers. It was soothing, calming him right down. Lovino cuddled closer, burying his face in Antonio’s chest, breathing in his scent. Ahh, Toni smelled wonderful... It made Lovino imagine being outside, he could almost feel the cool breeze on his skin.  
The bell rang, it sounded louder, more shrill to Lovino’s ears, causing the boy to cover them. “I know, it hurts a bit as first.” Antonio murmured. “I promise it gets better over time.” He turned his attention towards the sounds of the students closing their books. “Class is dismissed! I’ll see you all tomorrow.” As the students poured out of the room, Antonio slid the chair back behind the desk with his feet. “Are you ready for your surprise now, Lovinito?” He asked warmly, as he ruffled the boys hair.  
Excitement once more filled the boys voice at the mention of his surprise. “Si! What is it!?” Lovino tilted his head up towards Antonio, the spanish man could hear the happiness in Lovino’s tone. He reached a hand down, rummaging through his bag before pulling out some paper and colored pencils. He lay them out on the desk, before placing one of the pencils in Lovino’s hand, closing the boys fingers around it, his own winding around to help him hold.   
“A colored pencil?” Lovino questioned quietly. He was confused. “Si little one. But feel ok?” He guided the Italian’s hand downward on the pencil, to the raised writing on the bottom. “Red! This one is red!” Lovino said happily. He could tell what these ones were! “But how can I draw if I can’t see what lines I have done?” His face fell, his voice dropping in tone to a dull, flat sound.  
“That’s what your surprise is for.” He told him, kissing his head lightly. Antonio was glad for the free he had now, as he readjusted Lovino’s hand on the page. “Trust me.” He murmured, before guiding his hand along, making a random line. “Okay, niñito, put down the pencil and give me your hand.” He instructed. Cautiously, Lovino did as he was told. What was Antonio doing? The teen was more than a little bit confused. This confusion only grew when Antonio lay Lovino’s hand flat out on the paper. “What are you-?” He questioned, before pausing as the smooth paper was cut off by a raised bump… the line they had just drawn! “Toni! Toni, I can feel it!” He ran his fingers over it over and over again, amazement in his voice. “Why can I feel it!?” Antonio just chuckled, patting his head. “I told you I’d teach you to draw without sight. This paper is designed so whatever you are working on swells and raises. Now you can read the colors, and feel your work!”  
“Oh thank you!” He whispered, Antonio carefully lifting the boy and standing, setting Lovino back into the chair to continue drawing as he heard footsteps enter the classroom. The small chuckle that followed made Antonio’s face light up, he’d recognize it anywhere!  
“Gilly!” He chirped, making his way towards the voice.  
Gilbert chuckled, running a hand through his own silver locks as he caught the other. “Hey babe, I heard you had a new little shadow.” Crimson eyes glanced at the boy now quietly coloring at the desk, humming happily to himself as he did so. “I was honestly surprised. I expected to hear cursing and swearing well before I got here. How the hell did you manage to keep him so docile, liebe?”  
Gilbert Beilschmidt was the gym teacher at Hetalia Academy, and on top of that, had been Antonio’s steady boyfriend for over a year now. They had somehow managed to keep it quite quiet, the other staff members were aware, but the students had no clue. At first, Gilbert had been really bothered by Antonio not having sight. He had thought it wouldn’t be possible for them to have a real relationship, and questioned if Antonio would be able to really feel the same way as he did without ever having seen his face. The twenty five year old had kept his feelings to himself for months, until he was absolutely sure it wasn’t just a simple crush. There was no use taking the risk and putting himself out there simply for a crush, right?  
He had been ecstatic when Antonio had agreed to go on a date with him. They had moved slow, much slower than Gilbert was used to. But Antonio had explained he was still grieving someone very important, and hearing everything, Gilbert didn’t plan on pushing. Now, he had no regrets at all. They were happy, stable. And although he would have liked for Antonio to come live with him, he knew that just wasn’t something Toni was ready for.  
Antonio stood on his toes, resting an arm around the taller mans neck as he pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “He’s a very good boy, Gil.” He chided lightly. “He’s been very obedient, followed all my instructions. He hasn’t even sworn much at me.” Now that surprised Gilbert. “He wants to learn Gilbert. He’s just a scared baby.” Antonio continued, a loving tone entering his voice as he spoke of the boy.   
The albino chuckled, kissing his boyfriend’s head gently. “You’re too soft for your own good, you know.” He teased gently, nuzzling him. “But if anyone can bring him around, it’s you.”  
And for Lovino’s sake, Antonio truly hoped he was right.


	5. Chapter 5

_It was dark, and cold. Antonio could feel the rain falling on his face, and while normally, he didn’t mind the cold, this time it chilled him to the bone. The tall man shivered, fingers grasping desperately for the edges of his coat, tugging them closer to himself, craving the warmth it offered. For the first time in his life, he was grateful that he couldn’t see. He could hear creaking wood as the small box was lowered into the ground, the noise dulling slightly as the acoustics around the object changed. The minister continued to speak- but Antonio no longer heard him. The words jumbled together, until they formed a dull buzz in Antonio’s head. ‘Wake up...’ He thought. ‘Please, wake up. Wake up. Wake up! Please… this can’t be it! I promised! Wake up, this can’t be it….” And as the rain fell and chilled his soft cheeks, Antonio realized he was crying._  
A terrified, heartbreaking scream tore Lovino from his slumber, his blood instantly running cold. After two weeks of hearing that voice reassuring him, comforting him, praising him, he knew it without hesitation. _Toni._ Lovino was instantly alert, a lump of cold fear forming in his throat as he heard the broken sobbing from across the room. _This has never happened before…_ He thought in a panic. Never had he heard Antonio as anything other than cheerful, save for the anger that had coated Antonio’s voice when Lovino had been bullied. He imagined Antonio as his rock, unbreakable. To him, Antonio was impervious to pain. After all, if he had lived his life without sight, and still managed to smile for everyone, what could hurt him?   
“T-toni!?” The teen whimpered in concern, as he felt for the edge of his bed, turning his body and waiting until his feet hit the floor. He beelined straight for Antonio’s bed, opposite his own, climbing onto it and shaking him. “Toni! Toni wake up! Wake up Toni, it’s ok, you’re just having a nightmare!” Tears rolled down his cheeks, they felt as though they were burning him. Worry, panic, began to bubble up in him, as he desperately tried to wake the screaming sobbing man. His fingers found the others stomach, and while normally they would savor the soft firm skin, this time they were quick in their movements, as they slid up until they reached the older mans face. Lovino could feel the moisture resting there.   
Antonio sat up with a gasp, hyperventilating as he tried to breath. His fingers reached out, finally clasping onto Lovino’s shirt and pulling him onto his lap. The older man clung on for everything he was worth, burying his face in the soft crook of Lovino’s neck. His sobs continued, if anything the suffering in them, the misery, just became more evident. _Just a dream._ He told himself. His heart panged painfully in his chest, as he breathed in Lovino’s familiar scent.   
“It’s okay Toni..” The boy cooed, cradling his head, as gentle fingers brushed through soft tendrils. “You’re safe… I’m right here.. I’ve got you.” It was the least he could do for the man who had done so much for him. It scared Lovino though, seeing Antonio like this. “You’re ok… breathe Toni….” He whispered, kissing his head gently.  
Slowly but surely, Antonio settled. The voice that spoke so tenderly in his ear, and the fingers the brushed through his curls, careful not to hurt him, were soothing, and it wasn’t long until his sobs diminished into quiet little hiccups. Lovino tilted the Spanish mans chin up slowly, his thumb brushing away his tears. His cheeks heated up, but he ignored it, as he leaned forward to peck Antonio’s nose playfully, desperately wishing to make the man smile.   
“I’m… I’m ok now, Lovinito.” He murmured quietly, hiccuping. Antonio felt awful for having worried Lovino like that. He was supposed to be protecting the Italian boy, not the other way around. He hugged him back tightly, taking another deep breath.   
“What had happened?” Lovino kept his tone quiet, he didn’t want to startle the man. But he was honestly quite curious. What could have scared his protector like that?   
Antonio whimpered, and buried his face back into Lovino’s neck. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not yet. Guilt gnawed quietly at the Spanish man, like a whisper in his mind. He had worried Lovino, didn’t the boy deserve an explanation? Even after trying to convince himself, he still couldn’t form the words past the lump in his throat.  
“Please…” He finally managed to hoarsely whisper. “Please stay…” It wasn’t a question, but a plea, desperate in nature.   
“Of course.” Lovino cooed, as he moved the blankets to crawl under the covers, hands running along the others body until he found his chest, content to snuggle his cheek against it. Almost instantly, he could feel the man under him relax. Antonio’s breathing smoothed out, and soon, Lovino could tell the man had fallen asleep. He pressed a soft sweet kiss to the Spaniard’s heart, his silent prayer to protect Antonio’s smile, before he too drifted into slumber.  
The next day, when Gilbert entered Antonio’s classroom for his regular lunch with his boyfriend and the Italian teen, he was might with a surprising and concerning sight. The first thing he noticed was that the Spaniard’s smile, which usually lit up the room when he was present, was missing. Dark bags tinted the sunkissed skin under unseeing eyes, making it look grey and dull to Gilbert’s own eyes. “Toni….” He breathed, approaching the pair cautiously. Antonio turned his head towards the voice, but there was no cheer. “Hola, amor.” He sighed, overwhelming exhaustion evident in his tone. The whole atmosphere in the room held a deep sadness, and, after noticing the concern and worry etched into Lovino’s features, Gilbert instantly knew what happened. He rushed to Antonio’s side, crouching slightly and stroking through his hair, peppering the chocolate curls with loving kisses. “Oh liebe… my poor poor Toni….” The albino sighed gently. “Was it another nightmare?” He shot Lovino a sympathetic look, as the boy nodded in confirmation of Gilbert’s question. Antonio, however, didn’t answer. The dream had brought back all the painful memories, all the hurt of the past. _Please wake up… please wake up…_ His mind screamed into the darkness over and over again. He wanted it to just be a dream! “Shhh….shhh….” Gilbert sighed, turning Antonio’s head to press a chaste kiss to his lips, as Lovino snuggled into the brunette’s chest, wanting to help, but not wanting to interrupt. The smallest surge of jealousy welled up in the boy, Toni was _his_ “Daddy” figure, yet he couldn’t help like Gilbert did! He didn’t even know what had happened!   
The silver haired man caught the scowl on the boys lips, and sighed quietly. So Toni hadn’t told him. That didn’t surprise him, it had taken months for the Spaniard to open up and explain everything to him. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready, Lovino.” He reassured the boy.   
Lovino’s frown only intensified, but it held no malice. No, this irritation was at himself. He was frustrated, how could he help without knowing? At the same time, he would never push Antonio. “I want to help…” He said hoarsely. Gilbert simply reached out, ruffling Lovino’s hair as he continued to soothingly stroke his lover’s back. “And someday…. you will.” He swore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashes here~! Okay, so just a few notes. The first six chapters were all posted at once, since I only just decided to upload it here instead of only Ff.net. Normally I update every day, or every two days. If you have any constructive criticism, feel free to leave it, I'm always looking to improve!

All was quiet. Darkness blanketed the room, a peaceful silence accompanying it. But… there were not two occupied beds. No, one lay perfectly made, untouched, while in the other, curled into one another, two lumps were hidden by the large quilt and heavy, comfortable blankets. Peeking out from underneath was a head of messy chocolate locks. Antonio slept happily, his strong arms wrapped around Lovino, who was curled into his chest. The two had taken to sleeping like this, never apart. Both men felt safer in one anothers arms, although neither dared to take the time to consider why.  
A shrill ringing pulled the Spaniard from his dreams, a groan slipping from his lips. He slowly sat up, careful not to disturb Lovino as he answered his phone. “Hola?” He asked in a hushed whisper, just loud enough for whoever was on the other end to hear. Who the hell would be calling him at two am!?  
“Hola hermano!” A cheerful voice, similar to Antonio’s, but slightly higher in pitch, younger, replied.   
The teacher groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. “Miguel… it’s two am here… did you forget the time difference again?”  
“Not at all!” The younger chirped amicably. “I go to class in twenty minutes, this was the only chance I’d get all day to talk to my dear big brother!”  
Miguel was five years younger than Antonio, his only brother, and although the two often bickered good-spiritedly, they were actually very close.  
The older man laughed quietly. “What did you do?” He couldn’t help but smile as Lovino’s arms wound around his waist, the boys face snuggling into his hip. Antonio reached down gently, his fingers finding the teens soft auburn locks., stroking through the strands lovingly.   
“I didn’t do anything!” He pouted. “You always assume I’ve done something!” The twenty one year old whined. Admittedly, he often _did_ do something, whether it was shaving the neighbours cats, or getting drunk and running through the streets of Madrid naked. It always made Antonio chuckle though, it reminded him of how he himself had often acted when he was in High School.   
“Shh… Miguel, I have to be quiet, Lovino is sleeping.” Antonio was doing his best to keep his voice quiet, not wanting to wake the boy at his waist. A quiet groan soon fell from his lips. facepalming silently as he realized he hadn’t told his mother and little brother about Lovino. It wasn’t like he’d been hiding it or anything, he’d just been so busy, between helping Lovino, and spending time with his boyfriend, that he hadn’t gotten to call lately.  
There was a pause on the other end. Antonio could almost hear the grin on his brother’s face, as Miguel said, “Lovino huh?” The youngers tone was laced with amusement, as if he’d just made Antonio let loose some big secret. “Who is Lovino? Your boyfriend?” The younger absolutely loved any good reason to tease the elder, and this Lovino seemed like a good one. “Does that mean you broke up with the one with the weird hair and eyes?” He questioned.  
Antonio paused, confusion in his voice. “Do you mean Gilbert? No, I haven’t broken up with Gilbert. What do you mean weird hair and eyes?” He asked, confused. Gilbert was weird? Then again, Antonio had absolutely no sense of appearance, not even his own. He didn’t even have time to begin to explain about Lovino before he was cut off.  
“Whoa, so you’re dating two of them at once!? I knew you were a player in high school, but damn Tio!” Miguel snickered quietly under his breath.  
Antonio could only flinch at the mention of his behaviour when he was younger. It wasn’t exactly something he was proud of.  
Antonio was five years old the first time he realized he wasn’t like everyone else. Up until then, his mama, Isabela, his father, Lessandro, and he had lived in a beautiful cottage in the spanish countryside. Life had been, to little Antonio, absolutely perfect. He was blissfully unaware that there was such a thing as color, as sight. It had only ever been Mama and Papa and he, and they had decided the day that the boy was born that they would never hold above his head what he didn’t have. They were young- high school sweethearts who had wed at seventeen upon Isabela finding out she was with child- but they were wonderful parents who loved their son dearly. They never spoke of color, of sight. Every story they told their son, they told him in sounds, in feelings, in scents. In things he could understand. And little Antonio had always listened with such wonder, with awe. Because of this, he saw the world as a beautiful, wondrous place. He never felt sorry for himself, or his lack of sight. Honestly, he didn’t even realize there was such a thing as sight.  
The childs happiness with his life only grew with the birth of his brother, Miguel. Little Antonio almost believed they were in a fairytale, he thought life was a dream. But all too soon, tragedy struck.   
Lessandro worked in the fields at a farm nearby their house, helping the farmer, who was getting much too old to do all the work himself. Isabela always worried that her beloved husband was going to work himself too hard, and get hurt. And so she always waited up all night, every night, until he returned home safely. It was raining the night the young family’s life fell apart.   
A cold rain had pelted the warm earth that night, beating down like a song of dread. Isabela had began to worry- already it was three am, and her husband had not yet come home. Sometimes they had to work late, she tried to soothe herself. The miserable weather meant that the machinery could have gotten stuck in the mud. The young woman was jarred from her thoughts by a rapid knocking on the front door. Upon opening it, her heart sank, her worst fears instantly confirmed. There, in the rain, stood two policemen, their faces holding sympathetic somberness. Lessandro had been trying to help get the tractor unstuck, they told her. It had tipped, and he had been crushed under it. He had died instantly, painlessly, they promised her, as though it would take away the pain. Wordlessly, she fell to her knees, sobbing into her hands. The only comfort she had was that Antonio was asleep, and that even had he awoken, would never know the fear of seeing the uniformed men standing there.  
When Antonio awoke in the morning, it was to confusion. Miguel was still crying in his crib. That never happened- Mama always got him up by now. Carefully, the way Papa had taught him, the little boy padded to the other end of his room, little hands reaching out until he felt the bars of the crib. He slid his foot forward, finding the little stool in front of it. Antonio loved helping Mama and Papa with the baby, and so they had taught him how to change him, how to remember where everything was. The boy now did so without hesitation, getting his dear little brother into fresh pajamas, before carrying him out to the kitchen to find Mama. There, he only became more confused. Mama was crying, her soft voice shaky as sobs tore from her frail frame. Mama never cried. Little Antonio had carefully set his brother down in his bassinet, before following the sound of his mother’s voice, one tiny hand reaching out to rest on her arm. “Mama?” He had questioned, uneasy with the sounds of despair that escaped her. Where was Papa at? He was always home for breakfast, his deep, cheerful voice sending warmth and joy through the child.   
Isabela wiped her eyes, instantly trying to quiet for her sons sake. She didn’t want to frighten him, her boys meant the world to her. Carefully, she lifted him, setting her beloved Antonio on her lap, fingers stroking gently through the dark curls that adorned his little head. “Toni…. oh my sweet little Tio…” She whispered, her voice still holding agony, and exhaustion. She hadn’t slept, trying to process what had happened, and her feelings, so she could be strong for her sons. “Papa… God decided he missed him too much… he needed Papa to come home to heaven.”   
The little boy had tilted his head in confusion at her words. “Heaven?” He repeated curiously. Of course he knew about heaven, he went to church every sunday with mama, and papa always read the Bible to them at dinner! Still, he didn’t understand. “Will he be gone long, Mama? When he comes home, will he bring candy?” Isabela took a breath, nibbling her lip.  
“He can’t come home to us, mi piqueno tomate. It’s just going to be you and mama and Miguel from now on. I need you to be a brave boy and help mama, can you do that?”  
The boy had instantly felt his heart grow heavy, a pain he didn’t know he could feel settling over him, as well as a fear like he had never known. Papa wasn’t coming home. “Si Mama… I can help.” He promised.  
The funeral had been frightening for Antonio. He couldn’t see the box that held his beloved father. He couldn’t see the flowers, or the black dress his Mama wore. But he could hear. He heard it being lowered into the ground as he held Mama’s hand, Miguel cradled in her other arm. He knew Papa was in there, that the ground was taking him, he had heard his Abuella talking about it. He could hear his mother, his beloved Mama, sobbing as though the world had collapsed around them. Which it had.   
Antonio began to fear the rain.  
It was three months later that Mama had given him the news. They were going to move to Madrid, hours away from his beloved home. She had tried to make it sound exciting, like an adventure, and for her sake, to feel the once familiar upwards curve of her lips, Antonio had tried to act like he was happy, listening intently to all he was told. There’d be other children, she told him. He’d never gotten to play with other kids before, and this would be a good chance for him to make friends! He’d get to go to big boy school while Mama worked, and there would be parks, with slides and swings much bigger than the ones he had had at home. There might even be sandboxes, like a miniature beach for him to play in!  
He had tried to be brave for her. When they reached the new house, he didn’t cry. He tried to adjust to the different sounds, to figure out where everything was, but it was strange, and hard for him to relearn. Home, he had always known. Here, he was clumsy, bumping into things as he tried to navigate. It was much louder too, and the sounds of the traffic frightened him. Whereas he had once been bubbly, he became shy, timid. It was all just too new to him.  
But the final blow to little Antonios happiness had come the first day his mother had taken him to the park. He had been in a very good mood at the start of the day, Mama had even let him help push Miguel’s carriage, although, unbeknownst to the boy, her hands had stayed firm on the sides of the handles, guiding it. After finding a nice bench and getting situated, Isabela had told her little darling to go play. She was worried- what if he bumped into something? What if he was picked on? But she knew she had to give him a bit of freedom. She simply kept an eye on him. She had decided that today, it would be best if he wore the little sunglasses she had bought for him, so that the other children didn’t see his milky emerald eyes and grow frightened.   
Little Antonio _had_ bumped into a few things, but finally his fingers found the playset, and by the voices he heard, he guessed there was other children! The five year old smiled widely, waving at the direction the voices had come from. “Hola! I’m Antonio, my Mama and I just moved here! Is it ok if I play with you?” He had asked, his voice shy and soft in spite of his grin. The other children had quickly agreed, and he had followed them to where they all sat, playing with toy cars. The objects had felt familiar to him, Papa had always played cars with him at home. And so his smile had grown, until he honestly was having fun. “Toni toni! Will you hand me the green car?” One of the children had asked.   
Green? Antonio was confused, he didn’t know that word. His little head tilted, lips curling into a thoughtful frown. “What’s green?” He asked the children, hoping that they could explain better what they were asking. One of the boys, a seven year old by the name of Santaigo, had scoffed. “What are you, stupid!? You don’t even know your colors yet? Even my little brother knows his colors, and he’s only two!”  
Colors? What were colors? Antonio grew even more confused. “Is.. is that bad?” The boy whimpered his nervousness, reaching down and picking out a car, handing it to the other boy. “That’s blue! The green one is right there, can’t you see!?”  
The frown had grown deeper, and Antonio had felt tears of frustration welling up in his eyes, pushing his sunglasses onto his head to rub at the unseeing orbs. Milky emeralds had stared out at the children, causing them to gasp, some in confusion, some in fear- and others in malice. “Why are your eyes like that!?” “You really can’t see, can you!?” Santiago and some of the other boys had began to laugh at him, pushing him back into the gravel, Antonio crying out softly. “You’re so stupid! You’ll never be normal, you freak!” The older boy had taunted. “You don’t even know your colors! Maybe that’s why your clothes are so ugly! Oh well, they fit an ugly little boy! Your mommy should keep you locked up inside so no one has to look at your gross eyes!”   
Antonio’s lip had quivered, but still, the boy hadn’t stopped. “I bet you’ll never be able to do anything, not like me! Not like normal people!” That was it. Little Antonio had begun to cry, sobbing for his mother to come get him. Almost instantly, she had been at his side, lifting him into her warm arms and carrying him off, pushing the carriage with her free hand as she tried to settle the hurt little boy in her arms.   
That was the day Antonio began to hate himself.  
When school started in the fall, things only got worse. Mama had to work long hours at the restaurant downtown, often leaving Miguel and Antonio with a babysitter. Antonio knew Mama was trying to look after them, but he couldn’t help but miss how things used to be, when she had time for him. School was a nightmare. The children were cruel, calling him names and telling him how worthless he was. They would steal his lunch, leave blocks where he was walking, hit him. The teacher tried to stop it, but to no avail.  
Even as he got older, it continued. Antonio was an awkward kid. He was clumsy, due to the lack of his sight. His hair was always in messy, tangled curls that looked like he had just gotten out of bed. His clothes were mismatched. But mostly- he was timid, quiet, and stayed by himself for the most part.  
At fifteen, something extraordinary happened. Antonio’s voice deepened to a rich, musical tone, his body growing into itself. Unbeknownst to Antonio his caramel skin had smoothed out, his curls taming down until they no longer looked like a matted nest on his head. His mother had began to hang his clothes in nice outfits in the closet, greatly improving his dressing habits. He had become gorgeous. And people noticed.  
The teen had become confused at first. Why were all these girls suddenly acting so nice to him? Their voices held strange flirty tones that, although he had heard before, never had he heard directed at him. And then there was _him._  
 _He_ was a boy named Adriano, one year older than him. Adriano had been one of the few people who had never bullied him. He had sat with Antonio every day at lunch, put ice on his bruises when the younger boy was beaten up. And his voice- it was always so soft, so tender and caring. Antonio never doubted Adrianos sincerity.   
It had started out so subtly, that Antonio scarce noticed. His cheeks would warm up when the other talked to him. His heart would give a rough thump in his chest when Adriano would tend to his wounds. It was months before he realized what he was feeling, and when he did, it terrified him more than words could express. _There is no way I like a boy._ He had thought. Antonio had been raised Catholic, and immediately, his thoughts had turned panicked. It was a sin to love another boy! He didn’t want to go hell, and he didn’t want Mama to hate him! And so he told himself it wasn’t so. He began to avoid Adriano like the plague.  
The bullies never stopped. Over and over they told Antonio that he was useless, that he could do nothing, as they slammed him into lockers, kicked and hit him, knowing he couldn’t see to defend himself. Finally, he had had enough. He would show them what he could do!  
He began giving the girls who flirted more and more attention. He learned how to flirt back, to make them fall for him. Every night, he had a different girl in his bed, whether to prove the bullies wrong, or to convince himself he was straight, he didn’t know. But sex felt good, hearing the girls moaning and pleading his name under him, feeling their soft skin under his hands- it made him feel a certain kind of power. He didn’t need his sight to do this. He could do what a lot of the other boys at school only wished they could.  
Looking back, he was ashamed.  
With a sigh, Antonio turned his attention back to the phone. “No. Miguel, it isn’t like that. Lovino is one of my students. He was blinded in an accident about two months ago, and so his grandfather, who happens to be my boss, asked me to stay with him and teach him how to live without his eyes. He’s… a sweet boy… he gets bullied though. It’s upsetting. I really… I really want to protect him…” He whispered, biting his lip.  
There was silence, and then a quiet noise from the other end. “Hermano… the real reason I called was to make sure you’re okay. I know _that_ day is coming up, and I really wanted to make sure you are prepared. Mama and I are worried about you.”  
Antonio once more felt a chill run through him, and even to his own ears, his cheery tone sounded hollow, forced. “Of course I am! I’m fine, don’t worry. It was two years ago, hermanito, big brother is alright. Please don’t worry.”  
Miguel frowned, thinking over his next words carefully. His big brother was in a lot of denial, and it was clear that, as he and Mama had worried, Antonio was still bottling up his grief. Finally he spoke again, clearing his throat. “Toni… please be careful? I don’t… I don’t want you hurt. Not again. Please.. don’t get too close. Don’t let that boy be a source of pain. Lord knows you don’t need anymore.”  
“Of course…” Antonio replied, his voice barely audible, as he hung up the phone. His heart was heavy once more, but he ignored that all too familiar pain.   
Lovino stirred against him, his voice quiet and sleepy. “Who was that?” He questioned into the night.   
“No one little one… go back to sleep.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual suggestion, listen to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol on repeat while listening to this. Trust me.-Ashes

Ah, June. Antonio was grateful for the warmth that now filled the air, replacing the crisp air of spring. It was Antonio’s favorite season, when he could walk barefoot and feel the different textures under his feet. Fresh cut grass after a mild rain was his favorite. It always calmed his nerves, and allowed him to relax completely.  
The man had been surprised when he had gotten a call from Romulus. He had been washing the dishes from the dinner he had made for Lovino when the phone had rung.   
“Antonio my boy!” Romulus had chuckled. “I would like to take you, Lovino, and Feliciano to the park for a picnic. You won’t have to make any arrangements or anything. I just thought it could be fun for you boys to get out and play!”  
“A picnic?” Antonio had repeated curiously. A laugh had slipped from his lips. “That sounds like a great idea! I think Lovi has learnt enough to be okay out in public now anyways!” The Spaniard thought this would be a great test for Lovino to put what he had learned to use. Antonio was honestly so incredibly proud of his progress. In the two and a half months that he had been teaching the boy, Lovino had already learnt how to draw, maybe even better than he had before, as well as having memorized the braille alphabet, so he could read. He’d, with Antonio’s help of course, gotten all caught up on his school work, and was completely prepared for his exams. He’d started to paint again, he was even teaching Antonio.   
Lovino had even been pleasantly surprised, without sight, he enjoyed painting much more. He had always loved it, poured every piece of himself into his creations. But his eyes had always found the faults, and turned them ugly to him.  
“Very good!” Romulus chirped. “I’ll be there in a half an hour.”  
Which had led them to where they were now. The two were curled up in the backseat of Romulus’ car, their fingers linked together. Romulus had decided that it would be more fun to drive out to the woods and go camping instead. Antonio had been quick to agree, he had never been camping before! But the drive was long, and the two were tired. Feliciano glanced back at them from the front seat, giggling. Antonio’s head was resting on Lovino’s shoulder, sound asleep, the younger males head tipped so his cheek rested atop those luscious curls. Matching smiles, sweet and peaceful, adorned both of their lips. They didn’t stir, save for their fingers tensing every once in a while, clutching together a little tighter.  
Feliciano glanced to his grandfather, golden eyes thoughtful. Was he the only one who saw it? Was it just his imagination, or had Lovino’s head turned slightly to brush his lips gently over Antonio’s head in his sleep? No. It wasn’t his imagination.  
He wasn’t the only one to have noticed. Romulus’ lips tugged upwards into a smile, as he spared a glance at the two in the backseat from the mirror in the front. “I see it too.” He kept his voice quiet, loud enough that Feliciano would hear, but not loud enough to wake the sleeping men. Romulus chuckled softly. “I doubt they see it though, knowing how stubborn your brother is, and Toni- well, he can be a bit oblivious to his own feelings.”  
Feliciano tore his attention away from the backseat, focusing on his grandfather. “And you’re ok with it? Big brother Toni is much older than fratellone is. His teacher too.” The auburn haired boy reminded. For all the naivety Feliciano showed, he wasn’t stupid. The fifteen year old was actually very perceptive. And he had been watching for a few weeks now, ever since he had noticed that slight blush flitting across his brothers face when Antonio held him in class. At first he had thought nothing of it- but then he had begun to see other little things. The slight smile that would play on his brothers lips the moment the older man started talking. The way his whole face would light up when Antonio praised him.   
It had puzzled the younger Vargas boy at first. He had never seen his brother act like that before, if Lovino had ever been cheery, it was before Feliciano was old enough to remember. He had watched as his beloved older brothers shell had begun to crumble. It had been slow, at first only Antonio was able to get past the walls Lovino had built around himself. Soon enough though, Lovino began to allow himself to get close to others. Shy smiles, timid conversations. He began to open up. And others began to give him more of a chance. There were still bullies of course, but there was much less than before.  
“Feliciano, do you remember much about your parents?” Romulus interrupted. The teen was thoughtful. “I remember mama tucking me in every night, and papa telling me he loved me.” He answered honestly. “They didn’t do that for your brother.” Romulus explained. No one had ever told Feliciano the cause of his brothers coldness before, the reason Lovino used to try to avoid Feliciano at all costs. But Romulus felt it was time, that Feliciano was finally old enough to understand. “They did at first. They loved him, he was their treasure. And he was such a good boy. But when you were born.. something changed. It was nothing Lovino did, he even tried to help care for you. He would bring your Mama your bottles and diapers, and try to tell you stories. But they stopped loving him. His toys were given to you. His drawings stopped being displayed on the fridge. His room was taken for you. He didn’t get birthday gifts, or presents. Only you did. It was as if he wasn’t even there.” He explained. “That is why Lovino acts the way he does. It wasn’t only your parents who treated him like that, everyone did. No matter how hard he tried, in school, in art, everything, it was never enough for anyone. It broke my heart when he finally stopped trying.” Romulus sighed, running a hand through his own unruly curls, keeping his eyes on the road. “That is why I’m alright with it. Antonio has managed to do what I couldn’t in nine years of trying. He’s made your brother feel safe, and happy. I know you’ve noticed that Lovino is starting to open up and show people the real him too.” He hummed out softly. “For that reason, I am grateful. Dio, Antonio could be an axe murderer for all I care. But if he made my little Lovino feel safe, happy, and cherished, I would still welcome him into the family with open arms.”  
Feliciano was wide eyed as he listened to his grandfather’s words, chewing his lip. “I’m… I’m the reason fratellone doesn’t smile…” He whispered. “I never mea-” A stirring in the backseat cut Feliciano’s thought off, and he dropped the topic, glancing at the back seat as Lovino sat up, rubbing his face, careful not to disturb the Spaniard sleeping on his shoulder. “Did you have a nice nap, fratellone?” Feli chirped cheerfully.   
Lovino yawned cutely, his arm moving behind Antonio’s back, causing the Spaniard’s head to slide down just slightly, until it rested on the teens chest, as the Italian thoughtlessly brushed his fingers through the soft locks he so enjoyed touching. Antonio’s curls were just so soft against his skin! “Si~!” He said sleepily. “I did. Are we almost there yet?” He questioned curiously. His legs were asleep, and although he was quite content to stay snuggled up to Antonio, he really wanted to walk around.  
“Almost there. Five more minutes.” Romulus promised. Sure enough, moments later the car pulled to a halt. Lovino gently nudged Antonio, wanting to wake him without startling the Spaniard. “Toni… Toni, we’re here.” The Spaniard yawned as he sat up, never letting go of Lovino’s hand. “We are?” He opened the door excitedly, getting out to take in his surroundings. He could hear a brook babbling in the east, faint, but clear, so not too far away. The breeze tickled his skin, warm and fresh as it blew against his face. It carried the scent of daisies, and lavender. He could hear the ruffling of leaves on tree branches. “A meadow!” He chirped without hesitation. “We’re in a meadow… there is trees, and a brook too, isn’t there!?” He held all the excitement of a child, wonder in his voice. It reminded him of his home in Spain, the one they’d had before Papa went to heaven. His chest swelled with the wonderful feeling of peace and serenity, as he helped Lovino out of the car.  
Romulus laughed, watching the Spanish man’s reaction. He had always taken the boys camping, so to them, it was no big deal. It was refreshing to watch someone get so excited by it. “Why don’t you two go relax while Feliciano and I get everything set up?” He offered, amusement in his tone as he watched Antonio kick off his shoes, inhaling sharply as the grass touched his feet, a look of bliss on the sunkissed mans face.   
Antonio didn’t have to be told twice.  
The two walked to edge of the meadow, where Lovino fell back into the soft grass with a laugh, propping himself up on his elbows.. “Toni, it’s so much softer now! It tickles!” He confessed, running his fingers through the gentle green earth. He paused, feeling a hand resting on his stomach. He wasn’t concerned, this was how Toni always got his bearings when he was going to touch Lovino, although he was a little curious. What was Toni doing? He’d expected him to sprawl out beside him.   
His unvoiced question as answered a moment later, when he felt something much heavier replace the hand. Antonio had laid out sideways, his head resting on Lovino’s soft stomach, face upturned towards the sky. “Comfy?” Lovino asked, a teasing tone in his voice, as his hand moved to idly stroke Antonio’s cheeks, sliding up to his hair, tugging it every once in a while, not to harm, just to feel the tendrils bounce against his fingers.  
“Very.” Antonio agreed, a grin tugging at his lips. He was silent a moment, relaxing under the teens fingers. Lovino always knew just how to touch him. He was never rough, almost playful in his movements, and it took every ounce of Antonio’s self control not to purr at the Italian’s ministrations. Finally, he turned his head towards Lovino. “Will you tell me about color?” He asked softly. “What it is, how it feels? What do trees look like? And flowers?” He honestly was curious, but had never asked anyone else. He had always worried they would make fun of him. He knew Lovino wouldn’t. Antonio had come to trust Lovino completely, just as Lovino had come to trust him. He knew the boy would answer his question as best he could.  
The teenager chuckled softly, fingers pausing in their actions as they moved to pinch Antonio’s cheek. “You know, Toni, sometimes I question who the kid is and who the adult is here.” He teased, patting the spot he had pinched soothingly, the fingers returning to their previous ministrations. “Color huh? I guess I can try.” He decided, before falling silent. He was trying to remember, to put it into words. “Yellow is….” Lovino smiled. “Yellow is sunshine. It’s warmth beating down on your skin, Toni. It’s like those flowers you have on the table at home, the daffodils. Daffodils are yellow. Blue is the sky… the breeze we feel right now…” He was struggling to put it into terms Antonio would understand, his cheeks flushing red. He prayed it didn’t sound stupid. “Blue is like water, cool and refreshing. It’s floating in a lake with nothing around you but the birds chirping, and the wind blowing the trees softly. Blue is absolute peace.”  
Antonio hung off of his every word, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. They weren’t sad, but rather a product of this wonder he held at the things Lovino was telling him. It sounded breathtaking. “Tell me more…” He pleaded, his voice no more than a whisper.  
Lovino’s own voice turned tender, he prayed in his heart of hearts that Antonio never stopped experiencing the world as he did, with such childlike joy, and incredulousness. Because thanks to Antonio, Lovino was starting to believe the world really was a magical, beautiful place. His cynicism was wearing off, and with every passing day, more and more of his wall crumbled. Even the foundation was now starting to fade, past hurts healing and vanishing under this new amazement Antonio had put into him.  
“Of course.” The Italian felt a smile tugging at his lips as he cradled the older mans head in his lap gingerly. “White is… white is so pure.” He breathed out. “It’s like fresh falling snow, Toni, it chills when it touches your skin, but it’s so magical too, because it somehow manages to fill you with happiness. Brown and green are my favorites though. They’re the color of life. Brown is the smell of the earth, of the soil and dirt as it slides beneath your fingers, or treebark scraping along your hand, rough, yet gentle. Green is….” He was thoughtful, before his free hand captured one of Antonio’s own, moving the two together to the grass beneath them, pressing the Spaniard’s palm into the softness. “Toni, this is green. Green is nature. It’s leaves, and plants, vines and flowers. It’s what makes the world absolutely gorgeous.” He told him. _It’s also the color of your eyes._ He thought, and the smile on his lips only grew.  
And sitting not twenty feet away from the two, watching them savor a world that was theirs and only theirs, was Feliciano. He sat in one of the fold out chairs, his chin in his hand, arm resting on his knee, golden eyes watching every movement, every second of bliss that the two wore on their faces. He didn’t understand how they could miss what was right in front of them. He was reminded of what grandpa had told him when Antonio had first moved into Lovino’s dorm. _Antonio has secrets too, Feliciano. He’s been hurt as much as Lovino._ And now, as he silently watched, Feliciano couldn’t help but think that maybe Lovino had saved Antonio just as much as Antonio had saved him.


	8. Chapter 8

“Gilbert, I really do think you are panicking for no reason.” Francois was standing at the stove top of their little dorm, stirring a pot with care. It was going to be his next lesson of course, and as usual, he was testing it at home to see how easy it would be for the students. His cerulean eyes flickered with amusement as he watched his silver haired friend pacing around their living room.  
“No reason!? No reason!? Fran, Antonio always replies to my texts! What if something is wrong!? What if he is hurt!?” Gilbert finally sat on their small couch, chewing at his lip as he fretted.   
The Frenchman paused in his stirring, tapping his chin in thought. “Come to think of it, I think I heard old man Vargas talking about taking his cute little grandsons on a surprise camping trip? You know, if he took Lovino, chances are Antonio is with them too, and probably isn’t getting a signal. Didn’t he tell you he was going?”  
Gilbert’s face fell at this new information. Toni had gone camping? Why hadn’t he at least told him so he wouldn’t worry? “No… he didn’t…” But then, Gilbert had begun to notice that Antonio told him very little anymore. It was always, “Look Gilbert! Lovino is doing so good with his braille!” or “Look what Lovi drew me, isn’t he sweet? I bet it’s very pretty! He’s such a good boy!” It seemed like every word that fell from Antonio’s lips anymore was about that boy.  
Gilbert was trying his very best to not be jealous.  
At first, the German had thought it was cute. With every one of Lovino’s accomplishments, the sweetest look of pride had painted Antonio’s face, and Gilbert had relished in his lovers joy. After all, the Spanish man was still giving his boyfriend attention then. They would still hold hands, and kiss. They didn’t anymore.  
Now _that_ had almost ended in a fight, and Gilbert felt he ought to be commended for the absolute patience he had shown. It had been about three weeks after Antonio had taken Lovino into his care. The Spanish man and the German had decided that since Antonio had to have Lovino by his side at all times, that Gilbert would come eat lunch with them every day. And every day was the same. Gilbert would come in, Antonio would get Lovino situated in his large rolling chair, before moving to the albino, where he would cling on happily, and the two would kiss. But not that day. Oh no, that was not at all what happened. Gilbert had thought it would be just like every other day. It sure seemed like it. Antonio had gotten up, a grin on his lips as he moved to the albino, winding his arms around the others chest in a joyful hug. Gilbert had leaned down to give Antonio his normal kiss and- had been met with two fingers against his lips instead.  
Well that was new.  
Antonio had tipped his face up towards Gilberts, a thoughtful frown on those luscious lips of his. “We can’t, Gilly! Not in front of little Lovi~! It’ll gross him out and upset him!” The Spaniard had scolded gently, before patting Gilbert’s cheek. “You understand right? I knew you would!”   
Gilbert had spent the next ten minutes staring at his lover in absolute shock, even as they sat down to eat, and Antonio rambled on cheerily, as he normally did, about Lovino’s progress. _You have to be fucking kidding me. Toni, do you hear yourself? He thought to himself. How the hell would it gross him out? He can’t even see us! And last I checked, we aren’t exactly loud!_ Sometimes, Gilbert had to sincerely question his life choices. _This._ This ditzy, oblivious, and sometimes downright ridiculous man was the one he had fallen so head over heels in love with? He had sighed, reaching out to finally ruffle Antonio’s hair. _You’re lucky you’re so damn cute._  
Gilbert stood from the couch, fingers stabbing through his hair as he walked into the kitchen, resting his chin on Francois’ shoulder with a sigh, glancing at the pot. “What are you making?” He questioned.  
The blonde chuckled softly, lifting the wooden spoon to the others lips. “Beef stew. It’s not the most elegant dish, but with the kids in my class? It’s definitely safer. Last week they almost blew up the food lab!” He told his friend incredulously. “I swear, they’re almost as bad as Arthur! Do you remember when he blew up the microwave in the teachers lounge by putting a metal dish in it!?” A visible shudder ran down Francois’ spine, his face turning up into a cringe. “Or God forbid, the _scones_ he tried to give everyone for Christmas last year.”  
Gilbert laughed in spite of himself, opening his lips to taste the stew. “Mmm… tastes good as always, Fran.” He praised.   
“But Gil- listen. I really do think you are making too big of a deal about this. You know what happened just as well as I do. It’s coming up soon right? Maybe he’s just trying to cope, to ease his conscience.” He paused, blue eyes flickering to Gilbert, locking on his crimson gems. “Besides… he seems a lot more stable this year than he was last. Do you remember last year Gil? And honestly, I think the kid has something to do with him being alright.” He continued. “Besides, it’s not really like you have any reason to be jealous right? Didn’t you two have a date on Wednesday?”  
Gilbert pulled away, scowling and shoving his hands in his jeans pockets at the mention of the date. “Nope. We were going to. Then he decided we’d have dinner at their place. I was cool with that, and dinner was good. But Fran- he wouldn’t even let me kiss him! And I suggested that maybe I could stay over, and you know what he said? No, because Lovino always comes to his bed in the middle of the night!” He proclaimed, exasperation and jealousy tainting his rough voice. “How am I supposed to take that!? Why is that kid crawling into my boyfriends bed in the middle of the night? He’s not some fucking four year old! And Tonio’s too damn oblivious to fucking get that that isn’t normal!” He sighed out miserably. “He’s trying to take him from me, Fran. Don’t you see that? And the way Antonio acts around him!” He whimpered, clinging onto the blonde and sniffling.   
“Shhh...shhh…” Francois soothed softly. “It’s alright, it’s alright. I’m sure Lovino’s just scared and trying to adjust to all this. It’s all innocent, you have nothing to fear.” He sighed softly, stroking the silver locks. Honestly… he had noticed things lately too that had caused the beginnings of suspicions to run through his mind. But he knew that if there was more, neither Antonio nor Lovino realized it. “Maybe you just need to talk to him, sweetheart.” It pained him, always being the one Gilbert ran to. But- what else could he do but soothe the man he cared so deeply for, but relieve his fears?


	9. Chapter 9

Lovino was cranky. He knew he had no logical reason to be, but that didn’t matter. They had just gotten home from camping when Gilbert had called Antonio. Lovino had been in a wonderful mood then, he and Toni had snuggled the whole ride home, and he was feeling utterly content. However, as soon as Antonio had hung up the phone, that had completely faded. “That was Gilbert.” The Spaniard had told him. “I guess I forgot to tell him we were going. He was pretty upset with me.” He had laughed sheepishly, his voice holding slight embarrassment. Lovino had simply scoffed, scowling and crossing his arms. “What, does he fucking need to know where you are all the time?” He spat. Antonio was honestly taken aback by Lovino’s rude tone and harsh words. It hadn’t been something he had heard much of since that first day. “Lovi…” He said softly. “He’s my lover, of course he’s going to worry if he can’t get a hold of me.” The older man had sighed softly, reaching down to capture Lovino’s hands in his own, cradling them gently as his thumb brushed idly over the backs of them. “He wants me to go to a nice dinner with him tomorrow night, since I blew him off last week. Will you be ok here by yourself? It will just be for a few hours I swear!”  
Which of course brought them to now. Lovino was sitting on the large window sill of their dorm room, scowling. He himself didn’t understand why he was so upset. After all, Gilbert _was_ Toni’s boyfriend, he deserved some time with him too. And Antonio _had_ just spent the whole weekend with Lovino out camping, had never let go of his hand, had stayed close and given the boy more affection than Lovino knew possible.  
So why was he so upset? He got far more of Antonio’s time then Gilbert did. It was fair for the older man to want to spend some time with his boyfriend, right? Lovino couldn’t figure it out at all. A strange pain filled his chest slowly, until his whole being burned and tingled with it, tearing a gasp from the teens lips. What was wrong with him!? Was he dying? No… this was something he had felt before. Jealousy, although this time it was much more acute, stronger than it ever had been when people were praising Feliciano. The feeling confused him even more. Jealous. He was jealous? Lovino’s mind raced, as he tried to piece it together. Finally, he thought he had it. It was because he thought of Toni as his father figure, right!? That had to be it. He had become incredibly dependant on Antonio, and, having already lost one Papa, he didn’t want to lose the Spanish man who had done so much for him too. He was greedy, he wanted all of Antonio’s attention, and that wasn’t fair of him. The boy sighed out miserably, running his fingers through auburn locks, giving a light tug. A small voice spoke up in the back of his mind, pleaded for him to acknowledge it- to acknowledge that it wasn’t at all because he thought of Toni as a father.   
He pushed it back down and ignored it.   
Still, his mind raced with memories of their trip. How Antonio had suggested they sleep outside under the night sky. How the older man had let the boy sleep comfortably on his chest, those strong arms wrapped around Lovino so protectively. The Italian’s skin had sizzled and burned under the touch- but it wasn’t painful. No, the heat had been comforting. Lovino had snuggled his face into Antonio’s chest, his ear pressed to the man’s heart. Hearing the steady beats was like music to him, and it served to instantly settle him.  
No. Lovino refused to think anything more about it. With a sigh, he curled into himself more, letting the cool air hit his face as he waited for Antonio to come home. This was the first time in the months the Spanish man had been living with him that they were apart.  
Lovino wasn’t the only one who was growing irritable. Gilbert had been truly looking forward to this date. This was the first alone time he would have had with his boyfriend in months. When he had picked Antonio up, the silver haired man had been thrilled that, when they were in the car and buckled in, Antonio had leaned forward and captured the Germans lips in a passionate kiss. His hand had moved to cradle the soft cheek, his lips parting in invitation. Gilbert didn’t need to be told twice, and had happily kissed him senseless, until the Spaniard’s lips were flushed and swollen. “I’ve missed you, corazon…” Antonio murmured out softly as they finally parted. Gilbert had let out a small groan, pressing kiss after tender kiss to his lovers face. “Gott, I’ve missed you too… Liebe, you don’t know how much.” The albino had turned, putting the car into gear and driving to the restaurant. That wonderful start to their date had given him hope, renewed his confidence, and eased his fears. _Everything is going to be ok._ He had told himself.  
Now though, he wasn’t so sure. Antonio was currently sitting across from him, a huge grin on his face as he ate. He was rambling again. “...And Lovi is doing so good with his braille lessons, Gilly! He’s all caught up, and I bet he’s going to do so great! I’m very proud of mi Lovinito, aren’t you?”   
Gilbert inwardly groaned, rolling his eyes as Antonio continued. “.. he’s just so cute! When he gets stuck on a word, he’ll ask all shyly for help, and then as soon as he figures it out, he tries to convince me that he knew it all along!” Wasn’t this date supposed to be about them? Gilbert was tired of hearing about the kid. Lovino was all Antonio ever talked about any more. All at once, Gilbert reached out, capturing Antonio’s hand gently in his own. “Yes. Very proud. But liebe… why don’t we just focus on us for tonight? You have to spend all your time with little Lovino, ja? Tonight is your night off babe.”   
Antonio paused. Gilbert’s voice sounded tense. Strained, tight- was Gilly mad at him? “U-uhm… sure… but. G-gilly? Corazon, are you upset with me? You sound upset… lo siento for whatever I did, I didn’t mean to!”  
Gilbert tensed, but let out a sigh, his fingers tracing the back of the tanned hand in his own carefully. “A little.. “ He finally confessed. “But it’s not really.. with you.. per say. Toni, it’s just.. all you do anymore is talk about Lovino. You never have time for us anymore, and even when I try to still be near you by spending time with you both, you only talk about how cute he is, how wonderful. It hurts me.” He sighed, taking in a deep breath. “You don’t let me kiss you anymore… you don’t sleep over anymore. It’s been close to three months since I got to hold you in my arms, Toni. You know it’s not about the sex, I mean, yeah I miss that, but more than anything, I just miss having you there. Protecting you, loving you. And then you tell me that the kid sleeps with you every night. That he gets to sleep in my boyfriends arms, when I can’t even get a kiss anymore.”  
“But he’s a little boy!” Antonio protested. “And he’s scared! He has nightmares, so I let him sleep with me! It’s not like theres anything wrong with that! Miguel and I used to sleep with Mami all the time when we had bad dreams!”  
Gilbert took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Exactly. Antonio, that is your mother. Lovino isn’t your child though, liebe. He’s a seventeen year old boy, with hormones. Do you honestly think that’s normal, baby? It’s not. He has bad dreams, yes. So get him a cup of warm milk, and send him back to sleep.” It was hurting him. Even now, he could see the sparks. He saw the way Lovino’s face lit up when Toni was near, how Toni’s voice filled with love when he spoke of Lovino. And even knowing Antonio was too oblivious to notice it himself yet, it scared Gilbert. He didn’t want to lose the man he loved to some.. some… kid!  
“I can’t just do that, Gilly! Please try to understand!” Antonio pleaded, tears falling from his unseeing eyes, leaving tear tracks on tanned cheeks. Gilbert flinched- shit, he hated seeing him cry. “He needs me!”  
That was it. Gilbert stood, putting his napkin down. “Fine. The kid needs you. More than I do right? Obviously our relationship isn’t as important to you as it is to me, Antonio. If you love the damn kid so much, why don’t you be _his_ boyfriend instead!?” He huffed, turning and storming out.  
Leaving a very confused Antonio behind, sitting in shock at the table, mouth agape. Surely Gilbert didn’t mean that! Date Lovi? Lovino was his little boy! His student! He took a deep breath, reassuring himself that he and his corazon would work things out in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, when Antonio and Lovino arrived at school, Antonio as carrying a large bouquet of flowers. He wasn’t sure if they were pretty, the man at the flower shop had told him they were, but he knew they smelled wonderful. He felt awful over what Gilbert had said. The Spanish man had thought all night about it, and he realized, Gilbert was right. Maybe no about everything, the Spanish man still couldn’t see a problem in Lovino sleeping with him, but- maybe Antonio hadn’t been giving Gilbert the attention he needed lately.   
And so he had decided to make it up to Gilbert.   
His plan consisted of a few parts. First, pick up flowers. Done. He lifted his large hands, fingers brushing over a few petals of the large bunch. They were soft like satin against his skin. He could only hope Gilbert would like them. As he walked down the hall with Lovino, he could hear the whispers. _Who is Señor Fernandez bringing flowers to? Do you think he got them? Does he have a secret admirer?_  
Lovino frowned hearing the words. What was Toni doing? Antonio hadn’t told him about the fight the night before, he hadn’t wanted to worry or upset the boy. He knew Lovino often blamed himself for things, he didn’t want that happening this time. So Lovino had no idea. When they got into the classroom, Antonio got him all tucked in in his chair, setting his drawing papers in front of him, and kissing his head. “Lovinito, I have to go quickly do something. Can you stay here and be a good boy for me?” He asked softly, reaching out to stroke over the boys cheek gently.  
Lovino couldn’t help himself, his cheek cuddling into the hand on his face. Toni’s hands were always so warm, so comfortable. “Si, Toni! I can be a good boy and wait.” He swore, blushing as his lips accidentally brushed Antonio’s palm. Lovino could instantly feel his face heating up. Shit, had Toni felt that!?  
The oblivious Spaniard hadn’t even noticed. “That’s my Lovi.” He praised, kissing his nose, before vanishing out the door, thanking God he had a spare first this morning. His fingers slid into his pocket, feeling the little parcel contained there. He’d been planning this for a while, but he had never been sure. He had been scared, terrified even. Antonio was still scared. But this would make Gilbert happy. This would fix Antonio’s mistakes, and prove to Gilbert just how much he loved him.  
He paused for only a moment outside the gymnasium door, hearing the loud and rambunctious teens inside. He hesitated a second longer, taking a deep breath, running his fingers along the cool metal of the door. _You can do this Toni. You can. This is for the man you love._ And he loved Gilbert, right? Right.  
He took a step inside, flowers in his hand as he reached out with a free hand for the wall, using it as a guide to Gilbert’s office. He heard the noises in the gym cease, as an unnerving silence fell over the large room. He didn’t need sight to know everyone was staring.   
Gilbert had been marking the attendance when his lover had come in. Instantly, he stood, moving to his side. He didn’t question the flowers, although his cheeks flushed. There was only one reason Toni would be here without Lovino. “Is something wrong? Did something happen to Lovino?” He questioned, quite worriedly. The German man had already had time to cool down. He regretted the things he had said at the restaurant, although he had meant them, he should have known Antonio wasn’t purposely trying to upset him. Antonio was, after all, much too sweet to ever purposely hurt _anyone._  
The Spaniard smiled hearing his boyfriend’s voice. It was calm and relaxed now, there was none of the tension or irritation in it, such as there had been the night before. Hearing the concern, he reached the hand that had been on the wall out to rest on Gilbert’s arm. “No, no, nothing like that.” He assured, thrusting the hand with the flowers out towards Gilbert. “I… I bought these for you. I hope you like them, that they’re as pretty as the man at the store told me they were.” He laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “They smelled really pretty, and made me think of you.”  
Gilbert took the flowers slowly, staring at Antonio in shock. “Ja.. they’re gorgeous, Tonio. But… I thought you didn’t want anyone to know about us? You said you weren’t ready.” He reminded gently.   
Antonio nodded, his smile growing, although, there was a mixture of nervousness in it too, Gilbert noted. “I changed my mind. I’m ready now, amor. You were right. I haven’t been paying enough attention to you. I didn’t even stop to consider you could be feeling like I don’t love you.” He rummaged clumsily in his pockets, finally pulling out the tiny wooden box. “I don’t ever want to hurt you like that again.” The Spaniard told him, a serious tone that was rarely heard painting his tone.   
The crimson that had begun to creep onto Gilbert’s face when Antonio had handed him the flowers now completely colored his pale cheeks, a gasp escaping his lips as he saw the other pull out the little box, slowly lowering himself to one knee. The students all gasped right along with him. Señor Fernandez and Mister Beilschmidt were dating!? “T-tonio?” Gilbert questioned hesitantly, the normally rambunctious and loud mans voice now soft, disbelieving. There was absolutely no way Toni was about to… No! He had to be dreaming! How long had he wished his boyfriend would want more from their relationship? Too long. “Is… is that…?”  
Antonio tilted his head up towards the younger man, opening the box to reveal a beautiful ring. Black and white diamonds adorned the center, two black, one white in the center. He gave a little nod. “Si. Te amo, Gilbert, I don’t… I don’t ever want t hurt you again. I want you to be able to know, without a doubt, that no matter what, you are treasured by me. Gilbert, mi amor…. will you marry me?” He finally asked.   
A silent hush fell over the room, everyone, including Antonio, holding their breath as they waited for Gilbert to reply.   
The albino himself was in absolute shock. This was not what he had expected to have happen this morning. “Y-you can’t be serious!” He stuttered out. “This is a j-joke right!?”  
Antonio’s blood ran cold, as he let out a sheepish, incredibly nervous laugh. “N-no, I’m more serious than I probably ever have been before… “ He confessed. All at once, Gilbert had dropped to his knees, pressing their lips together in a loving, albeit chaste kiss, the students cheering loudly, while some just quietly giggled. “Ja, you idiot. Of course I’ll marry you, so stop looking so sad.” He teased, kissing him again.   
Antonio kissed back with everything he had in him, a sense of relief washing over him. Married. He was getting married. His hands reached out, feeling every inch of Gilbert’s face. He felt the soft, thin lips, curved upwards in a large smile, unlike the normal cocky grins the man often wore. He felt the tears streaming down his cheeks, he prayed they were tears of joy. Finally, he reached down, grasping his hand and sliding the ring onto his finger. It was done. He had done it. He could only pray this decision was the right one.


	11. Chapter 11

Antonio underestimated the time with which news would spread. It was immediate, students texting, whispering. Lovino, curled up in Antonio’s chair, waiting in quiet concern for the older man to return, had doubted his ears at first. The noise had come slowly- a low buzzing in his ears that grew as the people talking came closer and closer. _“Can you believe Señor Fernandez-Carriedo proposed like that!? I didn’t even know they were together!” “Yeah, it was so romantic too, to do it in front of everyone like that! They must really love each other!”_  
Lovino’s heart ran cold at the words, and began to ache, as though a cold ball of dread were forming in his throat, although he didn’t know why. Tonio had proposed to Mister Beilschmidt? That explained where he had run off to, leaving Lovino all alone… once more that awful feeling that had filled the boys chest when Antonio had been on his date returned, stronger than ever. It curled around his stomach, and filled his throat, choking him on his own air. Jealousy. Toni was going to get married. He wouldn’t want some stupid kid hanging around then, getting in the way of his time spent with his husband.   
Lovino didn’t notice he was crying until it was far too late to stop. His body shivered and shook as soft sobs fell from his lips. He was going to be thrown away again. Just like his mama and papa had. He had trusted Antonio! He had truly believed the Spanish man loved him, and would protect him. Now he just felt scared, insecure, and stupid.   
Antonio hadn’t even told him what he was planning. That was what hurt Lovino the most- he thought they told each other everything. Obviously he was wrong about that. The boy pulled his knees to his chin, sobbing brokenly. He didn’t want Antonio to abandon him! Antonio was far better to him than his own papa had ever been! Clenching his fists tightly, Lovino made a promise to himself. He’d be the best boy he possibly could be! Then Antonio and Gilbert would want to keep him around right? And he supposed he could learn to like Gilbert. After all, if Antonio liked him, there had to be something very very special about the German man. That as what Lovino told himself as he set to work on one of the pages, colored pencil clutched in his hand. He didn’t know when Antonio would be back, so he had to work fast!   
Antonio hummed quietly, his fingers brushing through the silken locks on his fiances head. The man was curled up on his lover’s lap, humming in contentment as Gilbert worked. The younger man’s office provided little privacy, but it was better than nothing, Antonio thought, as he brushed his lips over Gilbert’s temple. Gilbert’s skin always felt so soft, so flawless. Antonio had searched every inch of that face more times than he could count, his fingers memorizing, and never once had he found a mark. There were no uneven pores, no zits, no pockmarks. Nothing. And Antonio honestly couldn’t get enough of touching him.  
His fingers paused a moment in their actions, and he could feel Gilbert tilting his head upwards towards him, the other mans fingers reaching out to capture his own, bringing them to plump, moist lips, as the German man pressed a tender kiss to the digits. “What’s wrong, liebe? Before you even try to tell me nothing, I know it’s not nothing. Your fingers did that little twitch they do when you’re nervous.” He told him softly.   
Another pause, a sharp inhale as Antonio took a deep breath. Gilbert knew him so well, he mused, knew every movement and sign Antonio made. And the older man was nervous. He had one more question to ask- almost as big as the first, and maybe even more important. “Err.. nothing is wrong, Gilly.” He began, nibbling his lip until he felt Gilbert’s long, delicate fingers reach out to tenderly stroke over the spot, coaxing his teeth away. “I was just thinking... and I have one more question to ask.” He explained. “Gilly… I want to adopt Lovino, if Romulus will give me the permission to do so. I want to buy a house with you, and get him out of that dorm room. We can have a nice big bedroom, just for us… his can be next to ours so when he has a bad dream he can come sleep with us… G-Gilly…” The next breath was shakier, and he forced himself to be brave. He really did want this but he was torn. “...we could raise him like our own.”  
To say Gilbert was surprised would be greatly underreacting. His jaw fell open, and Antonio could almost hear the others brain trying to process all he had just said. “A-adopt-?” He squeaked out, quite unlike himself. His brain reeled as he tried to think clearly. Antonio wanted to adopt Lovino. But that didn’t make any sense right? He could have sworn he had seen more in Antonio’s face towards the boy. Did neither Antonio nor Lovino see it? There was no way that both of them could be so oblivious, right? Gilbert felt a momentary twinge of guilt inside himself. He shouldn’t be so happy about that, but he was. This could be a good solution. Yes. They’d adopt Lovino, Antonio could still look after the boy, and Gilbert would be able to kiss his beloved again, to hold him close. Married. They were getting married.   
However, hearing the second part, his face softened, one hand reaching up to gingerly cradle the others cheek, thumb brushing over the tanned skin. “Toni… liebe…” Gilbert’s voice was soft with concern. “Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you can handle this? If this is too fast for you, we can wait.”   
Antonio shook his head without hesitation. “I want this, Gilly. More than anything.” He swore. “Really, I do. You don’t have to worry about me.” Hearing those words of confirmation, that Antonio really wanted this, Gilbert nodded his head. “Alright, we’ll go talk to Romulus about adopting Lovino.” He relented. How could he ever say no to this sweet, innocent man? He couldn’t. Not after this beautiful proposal. “Is Lovino still all alone in your classroom?” He asked. Antonio gave a little nod of confirmation. “Well tell you what. This class is over in two minutes and I know for a fact Feliciano has a spare. Why don’t we see if he’ll go keep Lovino company while we talk to their grandfather?”  
“That sounds good, I don’t want Lovinito to be all alone, and they seem to be bonding well lately!”   
Gilbert nodded, calling the boy over. “Feliciano, come here, please!”  
The younger Vargas brother looked up from here he was standing beside a tall blonde boy nodding his head as he started to run towards the two. What could Mister Beilschmidt want with him? Standing in the doorway, panting, the golden eyed boy looked the two over. “His big brother Toni!” He chirped cheerfully, although he didn’t feel half as cheerful as he looked. He had been almost certain… he and grandpa both. Even now, he was almost certain the teacher was in love with his brother. They just seemed to both be too dense to see it. “Congratulations!” He chirped to the two, although it sounded just slightly forced. Antonio tilted his head towards the voice, as Gilbert spoke. “Feliciano we have to go talk to your grandfather a moment. You have a spare now right?” Feliciano nodded. “Would you be able to go stay with Lovinito while we do? He’s been alone the whole period, and he isn’t really used to being alone yet.” Antonio explained.   
“Si, si, of course, I’ll go stay with Lovi.” He hummed out, turning on his heel and walking out of the gym. Poor Lovino. Feliciano knew this was going to hurt his beloved brother a lot. When he finally reached Antonio’s classroom, he was immediately alerted to the soft sobbing that echoed through the empty room. “Lovi?” He asked, panic in his voice as he ran to his brothers side rubbing the older boys back comfortingly. “Fratellone, what’s wrong? Shhh….shhh.. it’s ok… you’re safe. It’s alright, Feli’s right here.” He cooed out gently.   
Lovino’s head shot up at his brothers voice, and all at once, he had moved from the chair, catapulting into the younger teens arms, clinging on tightly as he sobbed into his brother’s chest. Feliciano was stunned, his concern only growing. Lovino never acted like this and if he was letting Feliciano see him weak, something had to be very wrong.   
“Hurts!” He sobbed out weakly, his tears dampening the others shirt. “He’s not going to want me anymore! I’ll be a good boy, a good boy! I don’t want to lose another papa, Feli!”  
Feliciano’s face softened, as he cradled his brother close, stroking over his back. “Is that what you consider big brother Toni, Lovi? Like a Papa?” He asked gently, sighing softly when he felt the little nod against his chest. “Lovi listen to me.” He said softly tilting the older boys face up and kissing his head. “Don’t cry… Toni isn’t going to leave you just because he’s getting married. He wouldn’t do that to you, fratellone.” He swore. Lovino gave a weak nod, and Feliciano could only pray everything would work out as he held his sobbing brother to him protectively.  
Antonio held Gilbert’s hand tightly as they sat in the office, nervousness filling him. What if Romulus said no? The Spanish man had been thinking about this for the past month, his mind racing as he held Lovino in the dead of the night. He wanted to be Lovino’s papa, for real.There was no other explanation he could find for why he was so protective. For why his heart beat so fast when the boys voice filled with pride, or joy. _And what about how you feel when he touches your face, when those gentle hands stroke through your hair. Do you feel like a Papa then?_ Antonio shook the thoughts from his head. Those thoughts had been coming a lot lately, and there was more truth in them than he cared to admit. He’d know Lovino’s touch apart from anyone elses. Those hands soothed him, calmed him, protected him as much as he protected the boy they belonged to. It scared him- and made him even more determined that he wanted to go through with this. Maybe then they’d stop.  
Romulus smiled at Gilbert, reaching out and ruffling Antonio’s dark curls. He had known Gilbert ever since the boy was a child, he was the grandson of Romulus’ good friend. “How can I help you boys today?” He asked. “Also..” A chuckle slipped from the older mans throat. “I hear congratulations are in order?”  
Gilbert grinned widely, nodding as he brushed his thumb over the back of Antonio’s hand. He knew his fiance was nervous and understandably so. “Yeah! Toni proposed to me this morning, isn’t that awesome?”  
No. Romulus most certainly did not think it was awesome. His heart panged with sympathy and concern for his poor little grandson. He could only imagine how upset poor Lovino was right now. He knew how the boy thought, knew he was probably thinking Antonio would abandon him now. Romulus had to admit, he himself was greatly disappointed. He’d been so happy watching the two get closer, seeing his grandson blossom like he’d always hoped he would. Still, he kept his voice cheery. “That’s wonderful, congratulations boys! I just know you two will have a happy marriage! Now then, what do you need?” He questioned.  
Antonio flinched slightly, picking up the slightly bitter tone in the mans voice. Not being able to read body language, Antonio had learned long ago to analyze voices and pick out tones that people tried to hide. And Romulus definitely sounded upset. Had he done something wrong? Something to make the man mad at him? He truly hoped not, he didn’t want anything making the man not want to allow him to adopt Lovino.  
Gilbert, of course, didn’t even notice continuing on. “We were thinking- we’re getting married now, right? And we aren’t exactly going to be able to have a kid of our own, not to mention neither of us really has the time or capability to look after a baby-” This time he noticed the flinch, and had the good graces to be apologetic, leaning over to kiss his fiances head. “Sorry, **I** don’t have the capabilities and Toni doesn’t really have the time so we were thinking…”  
Romulus raised a brow, eyeing the two. “Yes? Do go on Gilbert you know how much I hate it when you ramble.”  
There it was again. That little flash of irritation that only Antonio could hear. He took a deep breath and held it as Gilbert continued.   
“We’d like to adopt Lovino.”  
The silence seemed to drag on forever, and Antonio couldn’t help the heavy feeling of fear that overwhelmed him. Romulus was going to say no, he as to say-  
“...Alright.”  
Antonio’s head immediately shot up towards the man. “Alright?” He questioned.   
Romulus sighed, stabbing his fingers through his curls. He wanted what was best for Lovino, and at least Antonio still seemed set on caring for him. This could be the only way- Romulus knew he didn’t have the knowledge or capability to care for the sightless boy. Nor would Lovino e receptive to anyone but Antonio. “On two conditions.” He said firmly. “You talk to Lovino and make sure he is alright with this, and you take just as good care of him as you have been. You know I won’t take any excuses if my little grandson gets hurt.”  
“Yes sir, I understand!” Antonio chirped excitedly, hugging onto Gilberts arm in his joy. It was happening! It was really happening. He was going to be Lovino’s papa. “I’ll take the best care of him, and be a wonderful Papa, I promise!” He swore. “Oh Gilly! I’m so happy!”  
All Romulus could do was silently pray this would make his little grandson happy.


	12. Chapter 12

A week passed, and Antonio still hadn’t brought up the subject of the adoption with Lovino. He and Gilbert had decided that Antonio should be the one to talk to him about it, since the Spanish man was the only one Lovino truly opened up to. But the man was understandably anxious. This was a big deal for him, and it took a lot on his part to be brave enough to consider this. If Lovino said no… he’d be absolutely devastated. Heartbroken.   
It wasn’t until the following Saturday night that he finally worked up his nerve. Lovino was laid back in the bed, sitting up slightly, his fingers brushing through Antonio’s hair as the older man rested his head on the boys chest, reading a story to him from a book of Braille fairytales. Much to Lovino’s disappointment, that beautiful, musical voice soon paused, and he could feel Antonio’s head tilting upwards toward Lovinos, lips accidentally brushing the boys chin. If Antonio noticed, he didn’t say anything, even as Lovino felt that all too familiar heat filling his cheeks.It was silent a moment, Lovino’s fingers pausing in their gentle stroking of the others curls, worry filling his voice. “Toni? Is something wrong?” He questioned. Had he done something wrong?  
“Lovinito…” Antonio’s voice was loving, almost reverent, but there was no missing the anxiousness in the dark, rich tones as well. Lovino knew this man inside and out, and when Antonio was anything less than happy, Lovino knew. “I have to ask you something. It’s… very important- and I don’t want you to feel pressured into answering right away, or giving me the answer you think I will want to hear ok? No matter what, I want you to give me the answer that will make you and only you happy, alright?” He pleaded that point- no matter what, he wanted whatever would make Lovino smile.   
The boy paused, reaching down to capture the others hand, lifting it to his lips and softly kissing the pads of the others fingers. “Of course, Toni. What is it?” His nervousness was growing, what could Antonio possibly want to ask him that would have the man this anxious?  
Antonio could feel a soft shiver run down his spine at the gentle kiss, relaxing more into Lovino’s chest without really intending to, as Lovino wound his spare arm around Antonio’s waist, holding him gently. This wasn’t strange for them. If one was anxious, or scared, the other would often hold them for as long as it took. They were one anothers strength, after all. And both had perfected being able to tell what the other was feeling. “Shhh… it’s ok, you can tell me.” Lovino crooned softly in the mans ear, nose brushing through his hair, feeling the luscious strands tickling his nose. If he had his way, he would gladly stay like this forever.  
A deep inhale echoed through the air, as Antonio’s hand reached up above his head to cradle Lovino’s cheek gently. “Lovi… mi precioso Lovinito… Gilly and I were talking and-”  
Lovino’s whole frame had tensed, just slightly at the mention of the albino. Was this good news, or bad news? Honestly, he couldn’t be sure. “And?” He questioned softly, not wanting to startle to nervous man in his arms.  
“And we want to adopt you!” Antonio said all at once. Once the words were out, he felt a sense of relief, the tenseness leaving his shoulders, all rigidness melting away. “We talked to your grandfather, Lovi. He said as long as you want it, and agree, then you are ours.” The man smiled slightly in spite of himself. “We want you to be our little boy, Lovi. To come live with us after the wedding when we get a house. We want to spoil you… to protect you… to care for you.” Antonio explained. “I know you lost your parents at a young age… so if this is too much too fast, or too overwhelming, I completely understand. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just thought about how Gil and I would never really be able to have one of our own, not to mention we don’t really have time for a baby right now. And I already love you like my own, so if… if you want me to be your Papa for real… I can be.”  
Lovino could feel his breath hitch in his throat. Toni was serious wasn’t he? He wanted to be Lovino’s papa for real? Every part of the boy ached to say yes right away. He had never wanted anything more. Still, quiet doubts nagged at him, making him hesitate. “Toni….” He breathed out. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you ask that. Because that’s what you are to me, you’re the closest thing I’ve had in a long time to a Dad. But-” He chewed his lip a moment. “That’s the thing. I haven’t had a mom or dad in such a long time, Toni. Even long before the accident. They stopped loving me the moment Feliciano was born. I tried my best to be a good boy, but I was cast aside, and soon, it was as though I never even existed.” He explained, sadness filling his voice. “It never mattered to them how much I loved them, wanted them, needed them. And so- I’m really cautious. I’m scared you’ll leave me too. I know you won’t, you’re too sweet for that.” His lips brushed the others head again, trying to take the sting away from his words to Antonio didn’t panic and think he was doing something wrong. “But.. I don’t really know Gilbert well either. I’m still nervous and shy around him. Give me some time? Give me until the wedding to try to bond with him, and get to know him, and if by the time you two get married, I’m comfortable around him, then yes, I would love to be your son, alright?”  
“Si.. Si, of course!” Antonio chortled excitedly, tilting his head up to kiss the boys cheek. “I promise you, Lovino. I will never leave you. I will never forget you. Te quiero, you are my little boy, whether I have a paper saying so or not. All I want, more than anything else in this whole wide world is to just make you happy. I know you’ve been hurt, even if I didn’t know how badly until now. I want to make sure you never feel that pain again, you understand? Te prometo.” He swore. “You can take as long as you need. The wedding won’t be for a long while yet, and I’ll try to give you two opportunities to bond, alright? I have to go buy groceries tomorrow, why don’t you two stay here and get to know each other?” He asked with a smile.   
Lovino gave a little nod. “Sounds good to me. I’ll do my best to get along with him, Toni. I promise, I’ll be a good boy for you!”   
Antonio chuckled softly, curling their fingers together tenderly. “I know you will.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Are you sure you two are going to be alright alone?” Antonio asked, for what must have been the millionth time. “I’ll only be gone for a few hours and I can postpone if need be.” Of course he was worried. This was his first time leaving Lovino in someone else’s care. He knew Gilbert wouldn’t let any harm come to the boy, of course, he was going to be Lovino’s parent too, after all. And Lovino had said he wanted some time to get to know Gilbert, to bond with him before deciding if he wanted to go through with the adoption. But Antonio was protective of the boy, so of course he would panic!  
Gilbert couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his fiance, kissing him softly a low throaty chuckle escaping his lips and reverberating in Antonio’s ears. “We’ll be fine, liebe. You go do your errands, and let us get to know each other, ja?” He soothed, kissing his lovers forehead. “I swear Tonio, sometimes you’re too cute. You’re like a momma bear already.” He teased with a smile.  
“Si, si Tonio, it’s really fine!” Lovino piped in, still sitting sprawled against the couch. He still wasn’t pleased about this whole thing… but for Antonio he would try to be a good boy and give Gilbert a chance. After all- they did want to be his parents, something no one had wanted to be in fifteen years. It wasn’t an opportunity Lovino was willing to take for granted- he knew it wouldn’t happen again in his lifetime.  
After one last nibble of soft, full lips, and a kiss to both Gilbert and Lovinos heads, Antonio left, leaving the two alone. Gilbert chuckled, patting the boys leg so he’d sit up, crashing down on the couch beside him. “So, squirt, what do you want to do?” He asked, eyes taking in every detail of the boy. “Err… I can’t help but wonder if this is as awkward for you as it is for me!” He laughed sheepishly, fingers stabbing through silver locks. “What do you like to do?”  
Lovino raised a brow, face tipping to the source of the voice. “Yeah, it’s pretty awkward for me, too.” He finally confessed, bursting out laughing. Maybe Gilbert wasn’t as bad as he thought he was. “Well… I like drawing, and singing, and dancing, but I don’t usually tell people that.” He explained, and Gilbert couldn’t help but note the blush that colored the boys face.  
“Yeah? Me too! Well not the drawing part, I’m lucky if I can draw stick people!” He teased, ruffling the Italian’s hair. “But the dancing part? Totally awesome. Why don’t you show me what you got!” He exclaimed, hopping up and moving the coffee table, before turning some upbeat music on his ipod.  
The teen was hesitant, he was shy of course, before nodding, a quiet laugh escaping him. “Sure, why not? I mean, you are going to be my Dad and stuff.” He mused, before hopping up. His hips began to move to the beat, and much to Gilbert’s surprise, he was good. If the albino were one of the kids in Lovino’s class, he thought, he’d almost say the teens movements were sexy as hell.  
Lovino didn’t hold back, a little smile on his lips as he danced. It was freeing- he didn’t need his eyes for this. He felt the music pulsing through his veins, his own heartbeat matching the beat. All at once, the words began, the boys mouth opening as he began to sing along, never stopping the movements of his body. Any trace of shyness, of self consciousness, melted away with the music, leaving a confident, attractive boy.  
Gilbert was stunned. He definitely hadn’t been expecting that.  
And if the Italian teens dancing had blown him away, his voice had turned him to dust. He was speechless, absolutely amazed. Why was it again Lovino hid this from people? He had a natural gift, and Gilbert thought he was wasting it by hiding it. When Lovino was finally finished, Gilbert clapped his hands excitedly, grabbing the boys hand and tugging him back to the couch, turning to face him. “Holy shit, Lovino! That was awesome! Like- seriously awesome! You’ve got a gift there, kiddo, like damn!” He rambled on. “Look, Lovino, you should seriously show people that! The end of the year talent show is tomorrow right? Fran- err… Mister Bonnefoy and I organize it, and anyone can join! You can sing, and dance! I’ll help you get ready, I’ll text Toni, and we can go shopping for a cool outfit! I bet everyone will be all over you then.” He told him, surprising Lovino with the honest sincerity in his voice. This wasn’t some kind of trick, and it made the boy more than a little excited too.  
“You really think so!?” He asked. “You don’t think they’d make fun of me?”  
“Not at all! Damn, I’d be surprised if you don’t have a little fan club afterwards!”  
“Then…” He paused a moment, thoughtful. “I’m in! I’d love to go shopping.” Both were excited, this was their something to bond over, the thing that made them both happy.  
After a quick text to Antonio, Gilbert was leading the teenager to his car, putting it in gear and headed in the direction of the mall. The whole trip, the two chattered happily, trying to decide on songs, paying cd after cd until finally they stopped on one song in particular- perfect. Gilbert was thoughtful. “The only thing with this one is you’ll need someone else for the female part- I’ve got it! Katyusha is in my gym class, and I’ve heard her singing to herself. She’s pretty good, I bet she’d do it for you, she is a little sweetheart.” He explained.  
Lovino nodded as they pulled into the mall parking lot. “That could work!”  
Once inside they moved from store to store, Gilbert trying to find the perfect outfit. As it stood now, Lovino’s clothes weren’t exactly stylish, often mismatched. The clear result of neither he nor Antonio being able to see to coordinate outfits.  
Finally, Gilbert had found the perfect one. Lovino couldn’t help but laugh at the victorious tone in Gilbert’s voice- the older man was actually pretty funny once Lovino got over his jealousy, he could see why Antonio liked him so much! The items needed were gathered up and paid for- but not before Gilbert grabbing one last thing. A surprise for Lovino.  
When they arrived home, they quickly told Antonio the plan, the Spanish man excitedly hugging onto the teen. He thought it was great, this might open Lovino up a little more, and help him make some friends!  
Sure enough, the next day, Lovino was standing backstage in the large auditorium, pacing nervously. What if everyone hated it!? What if he got made fun of? The whole school was out there! Gilbert gently took the boys hand, giving it a little pat. “Lovino.” His voice was soothing, as he adjusted the hat that sat on the Italian’s head. “You need to relax, kiddo. You’re going to blow them away, and they’ll love you ok?” The older man promised, kissing his head, before snapping his fingers. “Oh that’s right! I almost forgot!” He quickly rummaged through his bag, taking something out. Lovino was surprised when nimble fingers removed his dark glasses, brushing over his face slightly. Hnn- Gilbert’s skin was as soft as he’d expected, not calloused from working the earth like Antonios. A moment later, something else was set back on his face- still a pair of glasses, but these ones felt different. Sleeker, cool metal from the legs sending a shiver down his spine. “Knock em dead, squirt.” Gilbert told him, pushing him gently out towards the stage.  
Lovino moved to the microphone, gulping nervously. He could hear Katyusha at the mic beside him, and already, the whispers began. _“What the heck is Lovino doing?” “Holy shit, did he always look that good?"_ Unbeknownst to Lovino, he did look good. Gilbert had gotten him dressed in black skinny jeans and a tight band shirt that hugged the slightly sculpted stomach not many people knew the boy had. A black fedora sat on his auburn hair, and on his eyes- Gilbert had replaced his normal glasses with a pair of sexy aviators. Gilbert had to pat himself on the back, he did a damn good job.  
The moment the music began, all nervousness melted away from the Italian. He instantly became cool and confident, his hips beginning to move and vibrate. It wasn’t long before his voice chimed in. “Just shoot for the stars, if it feels right, and aim for my heart, if you feel like you can take me away, and make it ok- I swear I’ll behave.”  
Stunned whispers and quiet squeals were heard from the auditorium- Lovino heard them, and his confidence grew. A sexy smirk touched his lips as he danced, his voice continuing. “Take me by the tongue and I’ll know you, kiss me till you’re drunk and I’ll show you, all the moves like Jagger, I got them moves like Jagger, I got them moves like Jagger. I don’t need to try to control you, look into my eyes and I’ll own you with them moves like Jagger, I got them moves like Jagger, I got them moves like Jagger!”  
And in the back of the auditorium, where Antonio sat listening, there was a stunned silence. Had Lovino always sounded like that, his voice so confident and sexy, accent making the words sound deep and throaty? The Spaniard couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably in his seat, a heat he didn’t care to acknowledge running through him. It felt like the air was electric, and as best as Antonio tried to tell himself that he was just proud of his little boy, something deep down told him the truth behind that feeling was far less innocent.


	14. Chapter 14

“So…” Antonio coughed awkwardly, clearing his throat. “How long have you been singing, Lovino?” The little family was seated at the small kitchen table in Lovino and Antonio’s dorm, eating the pizza that Gilbert had ordered in celebration of Lovino’s performance. He’d been feeling strange ever since the talent show, and he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he was sick or anything.  
It hadn’t gone unnoticed.  
Gilbert had watched his fiance’s behaviour with increasing dismay. He wasn’t stupid. Antonio had been blushing since the show, and he was acting like an awkward school girl with a crush around Lovino. Honestly, it broke Gilberts heart. He had really hoped that maybe this- the prospect of the three of them being a family someday would nip that little crush in the bud.  
Apparently, he was wrong.  
“Uhm…” The boy was thoughtful. “Ten years now? Since I was about seven, so yeah. Ten years. Oh!” A shy smile lit up the boys face, although only Gilbert could see it. “I…. I... err… kinda got asked out on a date.” He told the two, and there was pride in his voice. Even when he had had his sight, he had never been asked out on a date before. “Actually… three different people asked me out on dates!” He grinned widely, and Antonio could hear the excitement in his tone, even as his chest clenched tightly, restricting his breathing. God, what was wrong with him today?? “That’s… great, little one.” He choked out.   
Lovino frowned, hearing the strain in Antonio’s voice. “Are you alright, Tonio?” He asked, concern coloring his tone. “I’m only going out with one of them, I promise!” He said quickly, thinking that the Spaniard was concerned he was going to cheat on the boys.  
“I’m… I’m fine, Lovinito… just… suddenly not feeling good, I’m sure it will go away soon.” He weakly soothed. “So what’s his name and when are you going?” He questioned, forcing the enthusiasm to his voice. If Lovino saw through it, he didn’t indicate that he did.  
Gilbert’s frown intensified. This really wasn’t going to work, was it? Antonio never held that much panic in his voice when Gilbert went out with friends. It was selfish, he supposed, but he wasn’t quite ready to let go of this yet. He still loved Antonio dearly- and even though it hurt to watch the other unknowingly falling for the seventeen year old, he still wanted to try to fix their relationship. He would do anything, he decided, to make them work. He tried to tell himself he had no reason to be jealous. After all, he was the one engaged to Antonio, right? Yes. Of course. They were going to get married and Lovino would only be their son. All at once he grew more excited at the prospect of Lovino dating someone his own age.   
“His name is Ulrich.” The teen told them, blushing deeply, fingers twisted together in front of him. “He’s a Senior, so a year older than me.” He explained. Ulrich had been in some of his classes before the accident, and had always seemed pretty cool. _Pretty damn hot too._ Lovino pushed that thought away, trying to ignore his hormones. He was only doing this to try to get used to social situations. Yup, that was it! _And to try to be touched the way Tonio touches Gilbert? Face it, you’re jealous!_ The little voice in his mind mocked him relentlessly. He was not jealous. Tonio was his closest person, that was all! He definitely didn’t want the Spaniard touching him the way he touched the German. Nope, not at all.  
“Ulrich Sommer?” Gilbert questioned, grinning wide as he leaned on his elbows, chin in his palms. “Tall German boy, blonde messy hair, violet eyes? _Devastatingly_ handsome?” He questioned, a teasing tone in his voice that had Lovino giggling in spite of himself.   
“Si, si, that’s him! He used to sit near me in Home Ec before the accident. Yes, devastatingly handsome.” He agreed, laughing again. “Not that that really benefits me now though! He has a really nice voice though. And I mean, he asked me, so maybe he doesn’t mind that I’m blind?” He finally registered the amusement in the older man’s voice. “What’s so funny?” He asked curiously, tilting his head to the side.  
“That’s my little brother. Oh my God- this is too perfect!” He roared good heartedly, holding his sides as he laughed until it hurt. It really was perfect. His little brother would be a great distraction for Lovino! And if Antonio saw that Lovino was happy with someone else, maybe he’d be able to realize how silly he was being and move on? “I approve completely.” He teased.  
“I better be meeting this boy.” Antonio grumbled. “I have to make sure he isn’t going to hurt mi Lovinito.” His whole mood was sour, a look that was half scowl, half pout on his lips. His tone was like that of a sulking child.  
Lovino raised a brow, turning his head towards Antonio’s voice. He had never heard him sound so irritable before. “Tonio, what’s your problem?” He questioned, a slightly amused tone in his voice. “You’re acting awfully strangely.”  
A small audible huff echoed through the room. “I just don’t like the idea of some punk boy taking my little Lovi on a date when I’m not there to keep him safe! What if this boy gets you hit by a car!?” He protested.  
Gilbert rolled his eyes. “Ignore him Lovino, he’s just being cranky. Tonio, Ulrich is a good kid. He’s my little brother, I should know.” He pointed out. “So where are you two going on your date?” He asked Lovino, the warmth in his tone more sincere than it probably had been before.  
“Oh!” The Italian teen laughed warmly. “We’re going to go to the park on Wednesday, since school is over and stuff. I’m pretty excited, maybe we can get some ice cream while we’re there! Gilbert, uhmm...uhmmm….” The boys voice turned soft and shy. “Would you maybe help me get ready for it on Wednesday? I’ve never been on a date before, and I want to make sure I look good.”   
Gilbert reached out across the table, ruffling his hair lightly. “Of course I will, squirt.”  
When Wednesday rolled around, as promised, Gilbert was right at Lovino’s side. He got him all dressed up in nice jeans, with a shirt that hung off one shoulder cutely, once more putting the aviators on his face. “There ya go squirt, looking cute as ever.” He promised, ruffling the boys hair.   
Lovino smiled nervously, his fingers running through his hair, more out of habit than anything, as he moved to curl up on Antonio’s lap while waiting. Said Spaniard had been grumbling all day about stupid hormonal teenage boys. “Toni…” He whimpered, hiding his face in the Spanish mans shoulder. “What…. what if he doesn’t like me?” He questioned nervously.  
Antonio sighed softly, some of his irritation melting away. “Lovinito.” He said softly, stroking through his hair. “He’d be stupid to not like you, ok? What is there to not like? You’re sweet… funny.. have an amazing voice. You’re kind, and absolutely precious. The little bra- Ulrich- should consider himself so incredibly lucky that you are giving him the time of day, alright?”  
He was interrupted by a knock on the door. “He’s here!” Lovino squeaked, hopping up in excitement. He opened it slowly, trying to hide his nervousness. “Ciao, Ulrich.” The Italian teen gave the blonde a smile as he moved to the side to let him come in.  
Gilbert was pleased to see that even though Lovino couldn’t see, his brother had still taken the time to dress at least decently in a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt. Had he bothered to brush his hair though? No, probably not, the blonde locks hung messy and loose in the teenagers face.   
When the other was inside, Lovino nibbled his lip for just a moment, before reaching out to gently tug at Ulrich’s sleeve.   
“Yeah? What is it, Lov?” The older boy asked, his voice gruff but holding no real malice. He was surprised to see the blush on the other teens face, what did he need that could possibly make him so flustered. Ulrich hated to admit it, and of course, never would aloud, but it was a little bit cute, how shy and easily flustered Lovino got.  
“I… I need to feel your face.” The Italian tried to speak calmly, as though he had requested something completely normal. Well- it was normal for him, but he was unsure if the German would misunderstand his meaning. “So I can see you! If we’re going out just us, I need to be able to know your touch so I don’t get panicked, or start talking to the wrong person.” He explained.  
Ulrich raised a brow, and Lovino could hear the amusement and curiosity in his voice as he replied. “Yeah, of course, fill your boots, kid.” He finally agreed, staying perfectly still so the other could explore, watching Lovino’s every movement intensely.  
Lovino had soft hands.   
That was the first thing Ulrich noticed as he felt the Italian’s fingers come to rest on his pale skin. They started on his cheeks, trailing along his jaw, memorizing the shape, before sweeping upwards, along his temples. Ulrich had high cheekbones that felt as though they were sculpted perfectly by some unknown artist, Lovino noted, as his fingers continued their soft exploration. Closed eye lids were the next to be graced with the phantom touch. Ulrich could feel himself relaxing in spite of himself, and when the fingers slid into his messy blonde locks and lightly tugged, he thought he was in heaven.  
It was much different than Antonio’s hair, Lovino noted. Ulrichs hair was straight and sleek beneath his fingers. Silkier than Antonio’s. There was no frizz, it simply slid against his skin, tingling his fingertips. His hands continued back downwards too, savoring the feel of the others skin. This was different too. Where as Antonio’s skin was slightly rougher, especially in the morning when the Spaniard had the tiniest hint of stubble, Ulrich’s skin was as smooth as glass, and Lovino would be willing to bet he’d never had to shave.   
The Italian brushed his thumb over Ulrich’s lip, surprised when he felt a playful little nip. The tiniest squeak escaped him, and he could hear Gilbert’s quiet snicker from across the room, Tonio’s voice irritatedly asking what was happening. His own skin felt as though it were on fire, and he prayed the blonde hadn’t noticed the heat that had risen to his cheeks, tinting his tanned skin.   
The hands continued downward, feeling narrow but firm shoulders, bony, Lovino noted, and a solid chest. Not too muscular, but not as delicately framed as Lovino himself.   
Then the touch was gone, and, much to his surprise, Ulrich discovered, he was filled with a sense of disappointment.  
Lovino cleared his throat, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. That had been so embarrassing! “I’m all ready when you ar-”  
“Hold it.” Came a deep, thick voice. “Not so fast. Ulrich, why don’t you come sit down and the four of us can all have a little chat.” Antonio said firmly. No way he was letting some punk teenager take his little boy out without at _least_ having a damn good talk to him first.  
Gilbert rolled his eyes, nodding to his little brother, mouthing a “Humour him”.   
“Of course.” Ulrich said, sarcasm in his tone as he moved to sit on the couch, Lovino moving to sit beside him. However, he miscalculated, instead landing on the blonde’s lap, letting out a squeak as his cheeks burned a deep crimson color. Mild surprise shot through him as an arm casually laced around his waist.  
A smirk touched the blonde’s lips. Oh great, what the hell did this guy want? He had forgotten Antonio was Lovino’s guardian. God, this was great- First he had to deal with Antonio turning his older brother into some sappy lovesick little wimp, and now he had to deal with him again? He just fucking wanted to take Lovino to the goddamn park! It could be fun though, messing with the Spanish brat. Ulrich wasn’t exactly what you could call fond of Antonio.   
“Now then, Lovino said you’re a senior, that makes you about eighteen right?” Antonio began, his voice completely serious, and holding a deep, clear suspicion. It tainted the normally warm tones, and Lovino was confused, and a little frightened by it. He didn’t like this irritable Tonio! He wanted his warm, sweet Toni back! This one was like a stranger. “That makes you about a year older than my little Lovino. An adult.” His voice grew cold. “And just what are your intentions toward him?”  
Gilbert rolled his eyes, facepalming. Dear God, he loved Antonio dearly, but was he for real? Knowing Ulrich, that question was going to be met with some form of sass, and irritate Antonio even more. Great. Already he could see the mischievous glint in his younger brothers violet eyes. “Don’t you even dare.” He mouthed silently as he curled up against Antonio’s side. Gilbert didn’t want to have to deal with any more whining from Antonio than he knew he already was going to. Not just because of Ulrich’s smart mouth. But it was too late.  
“Well…” Ulrich began, his smirk growing. “Of course I’m planning on absolutely corrupting him. First we’ll steal a car, then maybe have wild sex in the playground, you know, really go crazy. I thought we’d finish by trying some hard drugs, maybe crack, or crystal meth.” He answered calmly, but the amusement in his voice was clear. Too bad Antonio didn’t share that amusement. “What do you think? I’m going to take him to the park on a picnic, buy him some ice cream, we might listen to some street musicians, and then I’m going to take him home safely. Isn’t that the kind of shit people do on dates?”  
There was a long pregnant silence, the room quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The tension was so thick that Gilbert believed it’d be possible to cut it through with a knife. And then, a burst of laughter. Lovino, still curled up on Ulrich’s lap, roared in his amusement, clutching his sides, as tears streamed down his cheeks from under the glasses. “You’re so funny!!” He giggled, trying to catch his breath. “Isn’t he funny!?”  
“Very.” Gilbert agreed, snickering under his breath. He had to admit, that was pretty funny. He could practically see the steam radiating from his fiance’s ears, reaching out and taking the Spaniards hand, giving it a comforting pat. “Shhh dear, no harm done. It was a funny joke right?”  
“Yeah, Hilarious.” Antonio retorted dryly. Oh _hell_ no. There was _absolutely_ no way he was letting this little punk take his Lovino out! Lovino deserved a nice, sweet, clean cut boy who treated him like a princess! He was just about to speak up when he noticed the delighted tone in Lovino’s voice. He not only sounded his age, but he sounded so incredibly happy. Antonio inwardly groaned. Dammit all. There was no way he could be the cause of that happiness leaving.  
“Listen kid.” He told Ulrich flatly, and it was clear he was irritated, but holding his tongue. “Have him home by eleven. You have to hold his hand when crossing the street.” God, how _that_ thought gnawed at his bones. The last thing Antonio wanted to think about was..was… that little brat holding his darling little Lovino’s hand! Or touching him at all! But it was necessary, for Lovino’s safety. “He’s pretty good at navigating on his own, but just keep a good eye out for him. Make sure no one picks on him. For the next four hours, I’m putting him in your care. He comes back any less happy than he is now, and there will be severe consequences, you understand?” He hissed, a menace that had never tainted his lovely voice now overcoming it. He was serious.  
“Toni!” Gilbert scolded. Antonio had never acted so childishly before! It surprised him greatly.   
“Tonio!” Lovino whined, huffing out poutingly. “You’re embarrassing me!” The boy could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, as he suppressed the urge to throw something at the Spaniard. He wasn’t some little boy who always needed protecting, and he worried Ulrich would be scared off. He was, however, quite surprised at the rough hand that lifted and sat on his head, idly stroking through his hair, almost boredly.  
“It’s fine, Lov.” Ulrich’s hot breath tickled his ear, sending a shiver down Lovino’s spine. The eighteen year old sat up a little straighter, and tugged Lovino a little bit closer, before helping him up. “Yeah, I know.” He told Antonio, a smug grin crossing his face as he took Lovino’s hand. Oooh, he could almost hear that stupid Spaniard gnashing his teeth. This was just too perfect! He got to take a sexy Italian out, and piss off the idiot who had stolen his brother away! “I’ll get him home by eleven.” He called over his shoulder, leading Lovino out of the dorm, and away from the two older men, leaving an amused Gilbert and seething Antonio.  
“If he fucking hurts my little Lovino…” Antonio snarled out under his breath, surprised when Gilbert cut him off.  
“Stop it. Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo, I swear to God. I would like to remind you that the boy you are threatening is your fiance’s little brother, the one who _doesn’t_ have a stick up his ass. Now, he may not have the same father as me, but be damned if that means I sit around and listen to someone bitch about him!” Gilbert said through gritted teeth. He’d had enough of this foolishness. “Lovino is a big boy, seventeen years old. He is old enough to go on dates with boys he likes, and have a good time! He’ll be fine. Now quit your bitching.” He huffed.  
Antonio pouted just a moment, before burying his face in Gilbert’s chest, fingers balling into the fabric. “Fine…” He finally agreed.   
Ulrich led Lovino carefully down the stairs and to his car, never letting go of his hand. “What make is she?” Lovino asked curiously, tilting his head slightly. Ulrich chuckled softly. “She’s a ‘93 mustang convertible.” He answered, moving Lovino’s hands to the car, running them over the cool metal playfully. “Black.”   
Lovino hesitated as he felt the sleek metal under his fingers. It was smooth, although he could feel a few scratches and dents. This car was well used, he could tell. He was a bit cautious, he hadn’t been in a car with anyone but his grandfather, brother, Gilbert and Toni since the accident. Still, he was sure Ulrich was a good driver.  
Ulrich helped him inside, buckling him in before slamming the door closed, getting into the driver side and putting the vehicle into drive. He spared a glance over at Lovino, surprised to see the fear on the Italian’s face. Fuck- that was right. He had completely forgotten, it had been a car crash that had stolen Lovino’s sight from him, wasn’t it? “You gunna be ok? We can walk if you want.” He offered.  
Lovino shook his head, taking a deep breath. “No, I’ll be fine. I promise.” He didn’t want Ulrich to think he was some chicken who couldn’t even handle a little drive to the park!  
“If you’re sure.” He shrugged, pulling out of the dormitory buildings parking lot. Ten minutes later, they arrived at the park, Ulrich coming around to Lovino’s side and helping him out, taking his hand snugly in his own. He grabbed the blanket from the back seat, tucking it under his free arm. “Ready? I know a good spot.” He told the younger teen, keeping a tight hold of him as he led him through the park, to a spot under a tree. A creek rested nearby, babbling softly.   
Lovino had never really appreciated the sounds of nature before his accident, but now, he let himself relax, taking in every detail. There were crickets chirping, and he could hear a bullfrog croak, a loud splash signalling that it had jumped into the cool water. It soothed him, coaxing the boy into relaxing back against Ulrichs chest.  
Ulrich tensed momentarily, awkwardly petting the Italian teens head. He wasn’t exactly fond of public displays of affection- or displays of affection at all for that matter. Sex he could handle- in fact, he quite enjoyed touching then. He just wasn’t great at affection just to be...ugh… sweet. Still, he had made up his mind to try. For this reason, he didn’t shove Lovino off, instead wrapping a calm arm around his waist, face moving to nuzzle at the others throat, nipping carefully at the tanned skin, trying to not scare the boy, but gauge his reaction at the same time.  
He was pleasantly surprised.  
A soft noise of shock and delight escaped Lovino’s lips, as he instinctively tilted his head to grant the other access. A shockwave of electricity washed through him as Ulrich nipped again, lightly scraping his teeth along Lovino’s smooth neck, leaving a small mark. It felt absolutely incredible, the Italian decided.   
“Lovino, I need you to turn around and face me a moment, I want to try something.” Ulrich’s deep voice in Lovino’s ear had him shivering once more, turning without hesitation towards the other. He was curious, what could he want to try? All of this was new to Lovino- he’d never been on a date before, and even though he was seventeen years old, he still had not had his first kiss.   
Ulrich planned on changing that. All at once, a large hand lifted to Lovino’s cheek, the older teen holding it in his palm as he captured the brunette’s lips with his own. He wasn’t gentle- There wasn’t a gentle bone in Ulrich’s body- but he was careful not to hurt Lovino either. The kiss was rough, forceful, but Lovino loved every second of it, a quiet moan of approval escaping him, lips parting with it. Has his lips not been otherwise occupied, Ulrich would have smirked. Yes, he could definitely live with this reaction. He wasted no time, tongue pressing into Lovino’s mouth, claiming it as his own as the hot organ explored, a feeling of satisfaction filling him as he felt the other wind his arms around his neck.  
When they finally parted for air, both were panting, desperately trying to catch their breath. Lovinos fingers lifted to his lips, touching them in awe. “That… I’ve never… uhm… that was my first kiss…” He confessed, his voice little more than a husky little breath.  
Ulrich smirked in spite of himself. Pride bubbled up in his chest, he had been the one to take at least a part of Lovino’s innocence. He couldn’t say he was upset about that. If anything, it made him feel even more possessive. “Then we have a lot of time to make up for, don’t we?” He purred huskily, capturing the others lips again. They kissed for what felt like forever, before finally parting, Lovino’s face warm as he tilted it up towards the blonde. “How...err… how about that ice cream now?” He squeaked shyly. Oh God.. it took every bit of his control to not beg to lie there and continuing the steamy kisses- but this was, after all, a public park.  
Ulrich stared at him a moment, before snorting in amusement. “Sure babe, we can go get you your ice cream.” He teased, enjoying the flush that once more appeared on Lovinos face.  
Fifteen minutes later, after waiting in the irritatingly long line, they were back in their spot under the tree, a vanilla ice cream cone in Lovino’s hand. Ulrich was watching intently as the Italian licked at the cone, swirling his tongue around the cool treat. He licked his lip before biting down as he watched the ice cream melt, running down Lovinos face and hands. God, how he wanted to lean forward and lick it off. This was excruciating, the eighteen year old decided, as Lovino popped his fingers into his mouth, licking and sucking at them innocently until they were clean. Ulrich groaned. That was it. He captured Lovino’s hand, tugging him forward until the blind boy was on his lap, tongue running over his chin and lapping up the cold substance, before capturing his lips once more in a hot kiss. He forced himself to pull away after a moment, magenta eyes looking over the flushed male in his arms, Lovinos lips swollen from kisses, and suddenly, he was damn grateful that Antonio was blind. He was proud of himself- that he had turned Lovino into this sexy needy mess, but also didn’t want to be killed. With a groan of frustration, he helped Lovino off of him. “We should stop… your dumbass guardian is going to kill me.” He muttered. “You know, he really needs to loosen up, jesus. What did he think I’d do, take your virginity right here in front of everyone?” _That really doesn’t sound too bad-_ He shook the thought from his head. Fuck. As much as he’d love it, he knew it wasn’t the time.   
Lovino nibbled his lip slightly, hearing the other talk so coldly about Antonio. “He’s just protective, that’s all. He doesn’t mean to come off so overbearing, and I mean… he’s done a lot for me the past three months. He’s taught me how to be ok without my eyes, and is probably the reason I was open enough to be willing to come on this date.” He reminded lightly.  
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Ulrich begrudgingly agreed. “I should… probably get you home before this goes farther than you want it to.” He told him with a sigh, helping him up and taking his hand once more, leading him to the car. It wasn’t that he was scared of Antonio. No, it was more the fear of his older brother kicking his ass should he go too far and hurt Lovino that had him worried.   
Lovino was confused. Further than he wanted it to? All at once, understanding dawned on him, and he coughed slightly, unable to speak. Would it have led to that if Ulrich hadn’t decided to stop? Would Lovino have protested at all? Thoughts flew around Lovino’s head as they drove, and he was silent, thoughtful as he tried to figure it all out. Would it have been bad if he had of?  
When they arrived back home, Ulrich walked Lovino straight to the door, before pulling him back into his arms, kissing him again. “Can I see you again?” He asked huskily, his lips moving to once more nibble at the others throat, leaving another dark red mark to match the rest. Somehow, whereas most dates would make him grow bored of his partner, especially the dates that ended in a lack of satisfaction, this one had only served to make him even more interested in Lovino. “Y-yeah, of course! I’ll call you?” Lovino answered, smiling up at him shyly. “Yeah, sounds good. Well, I’ll be off.” He told him, stealing one last rough kiss, before turning on his heel and walking away.   
Lovino slipped into the dorm, squealing quietly.  
“Well, someone seems excited.” Gilbert’s teasing voice cut through the silence, a pouting huff uttered from behind him. “So how’d your date go, kiddo?” He asked, as Lovino came in and sat down on the couch. Crimson eyes looked the boy over, noting the dark hickeys that marred his tanned skin, trailing down from just below his ear to the base of his throat, the swollen, slightly bloodied and bruised lips. He knew those kinds of injuries were from anything but harm, and couldn’t help but inwardly applaud his little brothers guts, marking Lovino as his own on their very first date. It was obvious Ulrich hadn’t been met with anger or objection at the action either, or else Lovino would not be sitting on the couch, grinning as though his face would split.   
“Good!” He chirped. “We went to the park, had a picnic, he kissed me, had ice cream, and drove home.” He told them, his excitement clear in his voice.   
Antonio had been listening, subdued and quietly pouting against Gilbert’s side. However, the moment he heard the word kiss, he perked up and frowned. “He kissed you?” He echoed hollowly, a cold, sick feeling welling up in his stomach. Surely he had heard that wrong! There was no way his little Lovinito would let that filthy boy put his lips on him, right!?   
“Mhmm! He kissed me, and it was so perfect!” He sighed dreamily. “And then he kissed me again, and again, and again! It was a little bit weird at first when he put his tongue in my mouth, but it actually felt really good after I got used to it! Can you imagine?” He giggled innocently, quite unaware of his guardian’s rising temperature.  
Antonio felt a horrible mixture of murderous and sick. God, he honestly wanted to vomit. That disgusting little punk had not only stolen his little Lovinitos first kiss, but had _french_ kissed him none the less, and more than once at that! What was worse, he had tricked Lovino into thinking he liked it!  
“Now dear- remember to breath…” Gilbert said quietly from beside him. “Remember how old they are.”   
Antonio growled quietly, before forcing a cheerful tone through his teeth. “That’s wonderful, Lovi.” He ground out. “I’m so happy you had fun.” He was going to kill that little urchin the next time he saw him, he swore it. Jealousy welled up in his chest, and for once, he didn’t even question it. That was _his_ Lovi! Antonio wasn’t just going to let some little punk touch what was his. Wait- his? Where had that come from? Antonio bit his lip, troubled by these thoughts he’d been having lately.   
As Gilbert watched his lover seethe, his heart broke a little bit more. Nothing seemed to be getting Antonio over this little crush, and the albino was beginning to honestly worry. But in the end, what could he do but stay with the man he loved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Okay guys, so I'm really sorry that this chapter took so long to post! It's been kind of a crazy week, including a hospital trip :/ But I mean, I made it extra long for you guys! Okay so now about Ulrich! Ulrich is mi corazon's muse for 2p! HRE. He belongs solely to her, and it is only with her express permission that I have used him, along with her clearance on the chapter when it was finished. I WOULD like to remind and assure that YES this story is going to be eventual spamano. However, I really don't want to rush it, and I have the complete progression planned out. I really hope you guys are enjoying so far! -Ashes


	15. BONUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! So this is NOT a serious chapter- at all. Just something I wanted to write after writing the last chapter last night and listening to I can take off my panties by vocaloid. This is not in the canon timeline ok? Everyone clear?

Lovino was annoyed beyond belief. The day had started off absolutely great! Gil had come over, and brought him a surprise! At first, he had been really confused. His fingers had run over the soft fabric, trying to memorize their shape and feel, to figure out what it was. He hadn’t been surprised Gilbert had brought him clothes, Gilbert seemed set on making him dress better, he had become like the albino’s little doll. Even more so now that he was dating Gilbert’s little brother. But the moment he had realized what was laying on the table in front of him, he had flushed a deep dark red.  
The first object was normal, a collared shirt and built in sweater vest. It felt soft to the touch, and Lovino had giggled, rubbing the fabric against his cheek a moment, before moving his attention on to the next item of clothing. The fabric was rougher, and it was an odd shape… like a tube that flared out at the bottoms? It had taken Lovino a full ten minutes before he had realized what the mysterious object was. _A skirt. Gilbert had bought him a fucking skirt!?_ He decided to examine the last piece before asking Gil about the skirt- this one was easy though, and had a surprised, embarrassed shriek tearing from his lips. It was a pair of girls panties! “Gilbert~!” He wailed loudly, the albino bursting into laughter as he saw what the problem was.  
“Don’t you like your present?” He teased, patting the boys head. “Come on, I thought it could be fun to have a little girl for once! At least try them for me!” His voice was pouting, pleading, and Lovino crossed his arms, trying his best to stay strong. No way he was getting into this!  
“No way! I’m a boy!” He argued, huffing softly.  
“Come on, at least try them? No one is going to see! You have a really cute delicate frame! You’d make a cute girl!” Gilbert continued. No way was he letting this go- he knew Ulrich was coming over to surprise Lovino soon, and this would be delightful!  
With a sigh, Lovino facepalmed. He wasn’t going to get out of this. He knew he wasn’t. It was going to be conceed or never hear the end of it. He supposed Gilbert was right though- only the three of them were here, and it wasn’t like Antonio was going to see anyways. He huffed out his cheeks, turning away. “Fine. I’ll put it on if it makes you stop.”  
Sure enough, ten minutes later, Lovino was clad in the outfit. Gilbert had clipped his bangs to the side with bobby pins, and was rambling on about how right he was, and how cute Lovino looked. The teen was horrified to find, and would of course never admit aloud, that the outfit was comfier than he had expected. There was a nice breeze on his legs, and the cotton panties were soft, not scratchy like his normal boxers.  
He had soon decided not to bother taking it off.  
Then teen sat on the couch, happily rambling to the two adults about his next date with Ulrich. The German had begrudgingly promised him they would go to a pottery studio, after which they would go to the nearby lake and camp out, just them, overnight. They were going next Saturday, and Lovino couldn’t wait! He’d been a few days without seeing Ulrich now, and he was starting to miss him.  
Antonio growled quietly, huffing under his breath. “I don’t know if I trust you with that little per- Ulrich… overnight without Gilbert and I there to chaperone. Lovi, teenage boys only have one thing on their minds, yknow! I should know, I was one!” His voice became serious, and he spoke as though Lovino was a child. “Now, Lovinito, you know you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to, right? And no one should ever pressure you, either!”  
“Toni, I kno-”  
“And furthermore..” The Spaniard continued. “You shouldn’t be thinking about things like sex and kissing and things anyways! You’re still just a kid!”  
Lovino could feel his face twitch in irritation. He wasn’t some stupid little kid! He was seventeen years old now! He finally stood, his annoyance evident in his voice. “Toni!” He cut the other off, his voice a little louder. Lovino put his hands on his hips, quite uncaring that Antonio couldn’t see it, the sass was more for his knowledge than for Antonio.  
Gilbert tried his best not to giggle as he watched the odd scenario play out, a very sassy boy in drag who had finally had enough awkwardly trying to look intimidating. It was pretty funny.  
“Eh? Que, Lovinito, what is it?” Antonio asked, pausing in his rant. Lovino never cut him off like that! The Spaniard was greatly surprised by the tone of Lovino’s voice- he never had that short, angry tone with him anymore. No, his Lovi’s voice was always soft, like an angel!  
“Shut. Up.” Lovino seethed, letting out an irritable huff. “Stop trying to treat me like I’m some pathetic little girl! I’m not! I’m a big girl- err… boy. If I kiss my boyfriend, it’s because I want to! If I do more, it’s because I’m an adult.” A small, childish whine, that completely went against his words sounded from his lips, as he stomped his foot. “In fact, you know what? If I want, I can take off my skirt, _and_ do this!” There was a soft thunking noise, as Lovino dropped the pink strawberry patterned panties, grabbing them and throwing them right at a very confused Spaniard, hitting him right in the face by sheer luck alone, before turning on his heel and running out of the dorm room.  
Antonio blinked in shock, tilting his face up towards Gilbert, was who, was by this point, crying from laughing so hard, doubled over and clutching his sides. “Uhh.. Gilly?” He questioned, his voice low, the confusion evident. “....is there a pair of panties on my face?”  
“Yeah babe. There is.”  
Lovino stormed down the hall, just to bump into a strong chest. “Oof-!” He gasped, opening his mouth to complain before a set of warm, familiar arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, and amused voice purring in his ear, “Wow, you didn’t have to get all dressed up on my account. Though I gotta say, this is a pleasant surprise.” Ulrich purred, pressing Lovino into the hallway wall and kissing him deeply, a hand sneaking up his bare thigh. Lovino gasped, moaning hotly as he wound his arms around Ulrich’s neck without hesitation. “U-Ully!” He mewled, face flushing. “What are you.. hah… doing here?” He questioned.  
“Thought I’d come surprise my boyfriend.” He hummed. “Guess you surprised me instead. Gil knew I was coming.”  
And just like that, it all made sense. However, Lovino simply couldn’t bring himself to care, pressing his body into the Germans and moaning hotly.  
Inside, Antonio scowled, banging on the wall that stood between him and the two teens… the paper thin wall. Oh God, those moans were torture. “Fine, fine! I conceed, you’re a big boy! Doesn’t mean you have to fuck where people can see! Lovi, your dignity! What will people think!?” He wailed. “I don’t want people thinking mi Lovinito is a puta!”  
And on the other side of the wall, Lovino was far too preoccupied to care.


	16. Chapter 15

The last days of June melted into July, and July gave way to August. The summer air blanketed the town in a layer of hot stickiness, but Lovino didn’t notice, or mind. Most of his time was spent with Ulrich, and the two could often be found at the beach, or the lake, finding ways to make the best of the heat.  
Sometimes, when he sat down and honesty thought about it, when his doubts would flare, Lovino was surprised. Somehow, he and Ulrich had been together almost two months, and the German had yet to hate him. It was a new concept to him. He still had not fully adjusted to the idea of people liking him, and wanting to be around him. It still felt like he was dreaming sometimes.  
But what surprised him even more was the realization that he was truly happy. It still felt as though something big were missing, but he was content enough to ignore that piece, never questioning what it was. Ulrich was good to him, and they would often simply lay together, sharing hot kisses and enjoying each others company. They hadn’t gone much farther though.  
Today was no different. It had taken him a while, but Lovino had soon grown to trust Ulrich completely behind the wheel, so today, the two had taken a long drive to the lake the next town over. Gilbert and Ulrich’s family had a cabin there, and their mother had said the two teens could use it for the day.  
Antonio was not too thrilled with the idea. The Spanish man was currently pacing the dorms living room area, chewing his lip as he did so. “It’s not appropriate, Gilly!” He said for what must have been the thousandth time. “Something bad is going to happen, I just know it! What if that… that… boy!... tricks my sweet Lovinito into giving up his innocence!? Or to do something else bad!?” He had tried to give the boy a chance. After all, it was his fiance’s little brother. Not to mention the kid that seemed to make Lovino well and truly happy. But every time he thought of Ulrich, this sick, hot feeling rose in his throat, and he felt angry. Truly angry. He hated that feeling, he didn’t understand why this was happening. He should be happy his little Lovi had found someone!  
Gilbert was getting sick and tired of this. He continued to try to make things work. Truly he did. He’d tried cooking for Antonio. Being sexy during their alone time. Cuddling. Anything and everything to make Antonio notice him again. But no. All the Spaniard ever did anymore was whine about his little brother, and how much he hated him.  
It was jealousy. Gilbert already knew it was. With every passing day, it became more and more apparent that this wasn’t going to get better. Gilbert just wasn’t what Antonio wanted anymore. And the worst part was- he didn’t even realize it! The albino couldn’t do this anymore. His heart was so heavy, and he was hurting more than he could bear.  
“And what if it’s the other way around?” He asked tiredly, fingers stabbing through silver locks. “What if it’s Lovino who tries to corrupt my darling little brother? You know, Ulrich isn’t some evil monster, Antonio. He’s just a kid. No more, no less.” He knew that if the two honestly did anything, it would be because they both wanted it, but he was so tired of listening to Antonio whine as though the little boy Gilbert had watched grow up was some criminal, or some perverted monster, hell bent on harming Lovino, when all he had done was care for him so far.  
“Lovi would never!” Antonio scowled. “How could you even suggest that our soon to be son would do something like that! He’s a good boy, innocent and sweet! Mi Lovinito is a little angel!” Once more, he felt that anger bubbling up inside of him. How dare Gilbert try to insinuate that his precious Lovi would do something like that! “Beside! Lovino deserves the best! He deserves…” The Spanish man paused, thoughtful. “He deserves someone who treats him like he’s their whole world. Who thinks the sun rises with his smile. Someone who thinks his voice can make everything bad about the day melt away. He deserves…”  
Gilbert cut him of, his voice bitter and angry. “Someone like you, Toni?”  
Antonio stopped instantly, a cold chill washing over him. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. All the Spaniard could do was helplessly listen as Gilbert continued, each word like a hot knife to his heart.  
“Because it seems like that fits you to a fucking Tee! After all, Lovino is all you care about, right? All I have heard for _months_ is Lovino did this, Lovino did that. Isn’t my little Lovi such a cutie!? He’s such a good boy! Antonio, do you know the last goddamn time you told me that you love me?” The anger was melting from Gilbert’s voice now, leaving something that hurt Antonio much more, causing him to wince. Excruciating sadness. Unbearable agony. Antonio knew the moment the first tear rolled down Gilbert’s cheek, he could hear it by the way the German’s words became thick, and choked. Gilbert never cried. And still, he couldn’t speak.  
“The day you _proposed_ to me! Remember that, Toni? When you told me that you loved me more than anything else? That you’d protect me and never make me cry?” He swallowed thickly, trying to keep the sobs that threatened to escape at bay. “Well, let me tell you something, Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo. All I _do_ anymore is cry! And the worst part is.. you don’t even see what you’re doing to me! Hell, you don’t even seem to get why you’re acting like this!” He took a deep breath, willing himself to be strong.  
“But I do. I see it all too clearly. I’ve known for a while, but I prayed- foolishly, that you might get over it. It… it isn’t me you want anymore. Is it? I’m not your most important person. All of this.. us… it’s a lie. It’s a cover so you don’t have to face what you’re really feeling! And I have no fucking doubt you’re confused, but I can’t care anymore. And you know something else? I know the reason you keep trying to push all this Daddy shit is to replace _him_. But no matter how fucking hard you try, Antonio, he’s _not coming back_. He’s dead and you can’t change that. Especially not by trying to lie to yourself about your intentions towards Lovino! Toni… god, Toni…” He was sobbing in earnest by now, burying his face in his hands. “Please.. stop lying to yourself, before you hurt Lovino the way you’ve hurt me. You’re already hurting him, by constantly insulting the boy he likes, all for the sake of your own jealousy!”  
Antonio could feel it the second his heart shattered inside of his chest. “Don’t. Don’t you dare bring him into this Gilbert…” Tears streamed down Antonio’s own face, but he didn’t notice. “I may have made some mistakes. And you know what? Yeah, I’ve been confused as hell, and I’m fucking sorry I hurt you, I never wanted to. But don’t you dare bring mi hijo into this, do I make myself clear? You think I don’t know he’s dead!? That he isn’t coming back!? God, Gilbert, I thought you were one of the few people who understood. Who I trusted enough to talk about him to. I have nightmares every night about him! I hear his voice screaming at me to save him!” Antonio’s voice fell flat, lifeless. “I think you should go.” He whispered.  
Gilbert froze, realizing what he had said. That was too far. A sick sense of guilt mingled with his hurt, as he stood. “I’m so sorry, Toni… I shouldn’t have.. I didn’t mean to…” He sighed. “Y-yeah… you’re right.” He took off his engagement ring, setting it quietly on the table. “It was… it was nice while it lasted…” He whispered, silently leaving.  
Lovino couldn’t have prepared himself for what he found when he got home. What he was met with brought pain to his chest. He had expected, upon opening the door, to hear Antonio’s bright and cheerful voice welcoming him home. Or even the Spaniard grumpily complaining to Gilbert about Lovino’s boyfriend. He hadn’t expected to hear sobbing.  
Almost instantly, Lovino became concerned. He hadn’t heard Antonio crying since that night all those months ago, when he’d had to hold the terrified man after a nightmare. He rushed to source of the sound, sitting on the couch and gathering Antonio into his arms, stroking his hair softly. “Toni… Toni, sweetie talk to me.” He pleaded, his voice as soft and soothing as it could be, considering his worry. The Italian tilted the older mans chin up carefully, fingers running over his skin and feeling the wet tears, before leaning forward, his lips attacking the moisture as he kissed them away. Delicate arms wound around the others back, keeping the bigger man cradled to his chest, rocking back and forth slowly in an attempt to calm him. “Come on Toni. It’s ok.. you’re safe...shhh…. shh…. what happened, caro?” He whispered into his hair. “Who hurt you like this?”  
Antonio sobbed harder, trying desperately to catch his breath. The moment those arms were around him, he melted into them, burying his face into Lovino’s chest, his fingers clutching to the teens shirts. “G-Gilbert… I… w-we had a fight.” He wailed. “A-and… and he.. “ He hiccuped lightly. Lovino didn’t know about Alejo, he realized. He forced himself to take a deep breath, sitting up just a little, his cheeks snuggled into Lovino’s chest as he intertwined their fingers and held on for all he was worth, before starting to explain.  
“W-when I was in high school… I was a lot… different. I was terrified of being gay, I thought I was going to hell. That my mother would hate me. After all, we were pretty devout Catholics. I got made fun of, a lot, for being blind. But… girls seemed to think I was attractive, and I was never short one who wanted me. S-so I started sleeping around. It felt good.. powerful. L-Like even without my eyes, I could control them like that. But.. I was young. And stupid. I didn’t always.. take the right precautions. I was s-seventeen when we found Alejo on our doorstep. His mother was a girl in my class, Fiore. She hadn’t even told me she was pregnant. She didn’t want him… so she just left him there in his car seat with a diaper bag and a note. Mami was…. God, she was so furious with me… and then she was just disappointed, and that hurt worse. So much worse. But we decided that I’d raise him, with the help of her and my little brother, Miguel. I graduated, and applied for teacher college. I worked as much as I could in our neighbours tomato fields to put myself through school and care for him. As unprepared as I was for him… God, I came to love him so fast. The first time his little hand wrapped around my finger, I was hooked. I had… I had just graduated teachers college when Alejo got sick. He was only six. At first….” His voice cut out a moment on a rough sob, and Lovino gently brushed his fingers through the Spaniard’s hair, making sure he knew he was safe.  
“At first we thought it was nothing. Just a bug or something, kids get sick all the time right? But when we took him to a hospital… they told us it was Leukemia. I swear, I’ve never been more scared… after talking about it as a family, we decided Alejo and I would come to America. Better hospitals, better chance of saving mi hijo. It… It worked for a little while. He was in the hospital for a year. He got weekly chemo, lost all his hair. He looked so small and sick, and still he stayed cheerful. We would sing together, and he’d curl up on my lap while I told him stories. I thought he was getting better. I promised him I wouldn’t let it take him. I promised him he’d get better.” Another sob, his body shuddering. “He passed a few days after his seventh birthday. He just… fell asleep in my arms and didn’t wake up… I.. it was my own fault… b-but Gil… h-he said no matter how hard I try… I’ll never bring him back.. a-and then he left… a-and we broke up.. I don’t… I know I’ve made mistakes, Lovi, and I live every day knowing I let mi hijo down. B-but I trusted Gil.. a-and he knew that would break me…”  
Lovino listened intently to the Spaniard’s story, his fingers never pausing in their gentle ministrations, keeping the man close to him. When he was done, he kissed his head, rubbing his back. “Shhh… shhh, caro mio, shh… it wasn’t your fault.” He swore, tipping his face up once more and smothering it in kisses. “You did the best you could. And I bet you were a wonderful Daddy, because everyone you meet, you pour so much love out too.” He took his hand and stood, leading the older man to the bed and getting him curled up against Lovino, pulling a blanket up over them. “You may have made mistakes, but what Gilbert said was so so wrong, alright? He had no right to do that. Shhh… it’s alright… Lovi’s here.. Lovi’s here, Toni. You’re safe, I’ve got you.” The teen could feel tears prick at his own eyes, as he held the man close, humming to him softly. Poor Antonio. Never would Lovino have dreamed he had been through so much. And when finally the distraught man had drifted to sleep, Lovino wept for the suffering Antonio had endured, and for the child he would never meet.


	17. Chapter 16

Ulrich was getting seriously frustrated. Until recently, Antonio had been merely a nuisance, an annoyance to the German teen, who hadn’t liked how much his older brother had been changing under the Spaniard’s influence, and an amusement to him when Antonio got so worked up over him being near Lovino. Not any more. No, any tolerance he had had for the man had gone out the window the moment Gilbert had come home crying, brokenly explaining to Ulrich, their younger brother Ludwig, and their mother what had happened. Now, Ulrich could see how his brother had messed up too- it wasn’t exactly fair to bring the guys dead kid into it. And he had cringed when the albino had said Antonio was in love with Lovino- _his_ Lovino of all people! But Antonio had broken his brothers heart, so regardless of Gilbert’s mistakes, that made the Spanish man enemy number one. Still, for his boyfriends sake, he had tried to be civil, save for little things to piss the man off, such as kissing Lovino with Antonio right there, pleased when soft little gasps would echo through the air. But now, Antonio was keeping Lovino from him! It had been three weeks since he’d seen the Italian, and every time he called and tried to plan a date, Lovino shot him down. _“Sorry, but Toni is still very depressed. I can’t leave him Ully, or he might do something stupid, or get sick! You understand, si? Mi dispiace, amore, he just… he really needs me right now, and he’s looked after me so long…”_ It was pissing Ulrich off. Not at Lovino, it wasn’t his fault he was being manipulated like that. Ulrich completely blamed Antonio. After all, what right did he have to be upset!? He was the one who had broken Gilbert’s heart, not the other way around! His thoughts flitted back to what his older brother had said as he sobbed that night at their kitchen table- _“He’s such an idiot, Mutti! He’s in love with Lovino, and is t-too chicken shit to even stop lying to himself about it!”_ \- and clenched his fists tightly. He’d be willing to bet that fucking bastard was only pretending to be upset so Lovino would comfort him, would stay by him! He was trying to ruin Ulrich and Lovino’s relationship, and the blonde teen wasn’t going to let him!  
Which led him to where he was now, standing outside Lovino and Antonios dorm. God, he felt ridiculous- he had even tried to be a good boyfriend, and went and bought the Italian flowers, a beautiful bouquet of roses. They weren’t the most expensive, or the most beautiful, but they smelled wonderful, and that was all that really mattered right? He took a deep breath, before knocking. If he couldn’t take Lovino out, he’d come to the Italian instead. He was not letting that Spanish bastard win.  
Besides, it wasn’t like he had anything to worry about anyways, right? Of course not! Even if Antonio did feel that way about his boyfriend, it didn’t mean Lovino felt the same! The brunette had told him, Antonio was like a father. That was right. He had absolutely nothing to fear.  
Lovino was surprised to hear a knock on the door. The seventeen year old tilted his head a moment, trying to think. Was he or Antonio expecting anyone today? He didn’t think so! He couldn’t exactly get up to answer it, either. Lovino was sitting cross legged on his bed, Antonios head in his lap, the Spanish mans face cuddled into the teens thigh. Lovinos fingers were flitting through dark curls gently, a grateful sigh escaping his lips. He had finally gotten Antonio to sleep after three hours of trying to settle him down. Poor Antonio was an absolute mess, and it broke Lovinos heart. He missed the bright smile that used to dance on his caretakers lips. He missed the warm sweet tones. “Come in!” He called out, keeping the Spaniard cradled close to him.  
Ulrich grinned to himself as he opened the door, but it faltered and fell as he looked in. Dammit all, why was that bastard touching _his_ Lovino like that!? He grit his teeth, trying to keep the anger down. “Hey babe, it’s me.” He leaned down, kissing Lovinos head gently. “I thought since you couldn’t come hang out, I’d come here. I brought you flowers.” He lifted his boyfriends hand to feel, smiling to himself as Lovino brought them forward to smell.  
“You didn’t have to do that, amore!” Lovino flushed red, taking a deep sniff. “They smell lovely…. thank you, Ulrich.” He leaned up to nuzzle the blonde happily, kissing him lovingly. He really was a lucky guy to have this wonderful man by his side. “We have to be quiet though, alright? Tonio is finally sleeping, he was up all night crying.”  
Ulrich perched on the bed beside his boyfriend, winding an arm around the teens shoulders and tugging so Lovino rested against his chest, rolling his eyes. “I don’t get why he’s so goddamn upset.” He grumbled. “He’s the one who broke my brothers heart. Or did he not tell you that?” A small growl. “He stopped giving my brother any attention… made him feel worthless and unloved. All Gilbert did in return was mention his kid.” He left out the part about Gilbert saying Antonio was in love with Lovino- he didn’t really feel like fanning that flame anymore than it already had been, just out of the little paranoid part of him that worried that the admittedly handsome and silky voiced Spaniard would steal his Lovino away from him.  
“He made a mistake!” Lovino protested, his voice shaky as he buried his face in his boyfriends chest. Ulrich always smelled so nice. Very different from Antonio though. Whereas the Spanish man smelled of Earth, and nature, Ulrich smelled of body spray, a strong smell, but intoxicating in a completely different way. It soothed him almost as much as Antonios own did. “He just made a mistake… and Gilbert.. mentioning his little boy like that was below the line, surely you realize that, babe?” Lovino questioned almost desperately. “I mean…. t-that was… I can’t even… I can’t even imagine how much it would break you to watch your child die in your arms. To know you couldn’t save him. And then to have that thrown back in your face- _that_ is why Tonio is hurting. Not because of the actual break-up with Gilly, although I know he’s sad over that too. No, right now is all the grief he had kept buried inside until now bubbling up. That one comment, Ulrich, it destroyed him!”  
The blonde sighed, stabbing his fingers through his hair as he listened, glancing down at the sleeping man in his boyfriends lap. He supposed Lovino was right- he’d never had a child, much less lost one, but he could imagine it would be the worst nightmare someone could go through, watching their baby go from a healthy child, to a sickly mess. Wait- Lovino had said the kid died in Antonios arms? He flinched, even he could admit that had to be rough. Maybe Gilbert had taken it a little too far with that. Ulrich was still upset with Antonio, but maybe the Spanish man was justified in his current breakdown? “I suppose you’re right.” He sighed out quietly, kissing his boyfriends head idly. “I’ll try to be nicer…” He finally reluctantly agreed, biting back the urge to punch the sleeping man as he watched tanned hands curl around his boyfriends thigh. Only he was supposed to be allowed to touch there, and he hadn’t even gotten to yet!  
“Thank you, amore.” Lovino murmured, moving his fingers away from Antonios hair, just to press them lightly to Ulrichs chest. They slid slowly upwards, until they found his neck, the arm winding around it as the teen leaned up to press their lips together in a grateful kiss. Ulrich kissed back deeply, nibbling at Lovinos lips, marking his claim as Lovino parted his lips without hesitation, the German delving his tongue in greedily. A soft moan escaped Lovinos lips as he tangled his fingers in the others hair, pressing as close as he could without waking the man in his lap.  
Who happened to already be awake. The Spaniard had woken at the bed shifting under the German teens weight, deciding it would be in his best interest to lay still and quiet, not alerting the two to his waking. After all, if they knew he was up, he’d have to move off his Lovis lap so that Lovino could cuddle up to Ulrich right? No way in hell he was letting that happen. His fingers wound around the teens thigh a little more, face cuddling into the denim clad skin he found there. He couldn’t help but think though, Gilberts words continuing to come back to him. Gilbert had said he was lying to himself about Lovino, and Antonio had been doing his best to push those words from his mind. But now seemed as good a time as any to actually try to figure it out.  
He decided to start with what he knew- He was incredibly protective of Lovino. He couldn’t sleep unless Lovino was holding him, but the second the Italian teens arms were around him, all fear slipped away from him. The Italians voice instantly calmed him, settled and soothed him. He adored being around the boy- he’d known that from the start. And he got incredibly upset when Ulrich claimed his Lovinito the way he was now. But it certainly wasn’t _love_. No, he would never admit to that. A crush! That was all, it had to just be a crush. He’d get over it. It wasn’t like he could ever _tell_ the boy! It was wrong, right? Lovino thought of him as a caretaker. Besides, he was his teacher, a good deal older than him. Lovino definitely would hate him if he found out. A small whimper escaped him, as he clung on that extra little bit. He couldn’t let that happen. Lovino was all he had left.


	18. Chapter 17

As much of a mess as Antonio was, so too was Gilbert. August had slipped away, and before anyone had realized, it was time for school to start. Ludwig had been watching his eldest brother mope around the house for weeks, he just couldn’t understand it! He knew it would be upsetting to break up, especially when you were engaged, but did it really warrant this much fuss? He didn’t think so. The albino had been refusing to eat since the split, and was coming dangerously close to losing his muscle mass.  
Ludwig had _hoped_ that going back to work would help Gilbert feel better. After all, he always loved working right? But no such luck. He would be so close to feeling better, the tiniest of smiles would tug at his lips- and then he would spot Antonio in the halls and break down once more.   
Even his students had noticed the change. The man wasn’t fun anymore, didn’t joke around with them. It was a week into school when Ludwig was approached by Feliciano. “Uhm… Luddy?” The Italian boy had nibbled his lip, a look of concern in his eyes. “He’s not getting any better, is he? Big brother Gil-gil looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks.”  
“That would be because he hasn’t.” Ludwig answered simply “I don’t understand it, to be honest. It’s been a month and he’s still this upset.” Fingers stabbed through blonde locks, a sigh of frustration escaping his lips as he glanced over at his eldest brother from where he and Feliciano sat on the edge of the stage in the gymnasium. The sixteen year old was torn- he didn’t like seeing his brother so upset, even if he did think Gilbert was overreacting. But he didn’t exactly know how to help, either. No one seemed to, and all the reactions in his house varied greatly in nature. His mother was coddling the albino, trying to coax him into eating, and telling him it would be alright. Ulrich was busy fuming still, punching holes in walls and muttering about _‘That damn Spanish bastard hurting my brother and trying to steal my boyfriend away from me!’_ , and Ludwig- well, he just didn’t quite know what to think.   
“Of course he’s upset. His heart has been broken.” Feliciano replied softly, patting the older boys hand lightly. “This has all gone too far… way too far.” He murmured. “Those two need to smarten up soon before more people get hurt. Or before they themselves get hurt.” For all his naivety, the younger Vargas brother was far from stupid.  
Ludwig paused, cerulean eyes flickering to his friends face. “...You know then?” He questioned cautiously. On the off chance the brunette didn’t know, Ludwig didn’t particularly want to get Antonio and Lovino in trouble. He had been watching the two since school had started though, and he was beginning to find truth in his older brothers claim. Antonio definitely felt something towards the seventeen year old. But, and Ludwig had decided it best to keep this part to himself, he didn’t think it was one sided. The way Lovinos face lit up when he heard Antonio speak, how the once cranky boy relaxed completely in the Spaniards arms, often curling up on the teachers lap and napping when his work was done- All of that suggested that Lovino had strong feelings for the man as well. It made Ludwig panicky. Was his other brother going to be hurt as well? The last thing he needed was another moping sibling.  
“Si, I know. I’ve known for months, Grandpa and I both.” He replied, face stricken. “Neither of them realize- no. I take that back. I think Antonio is beginning to realize. I don’t think fratellone is at all, he still thinks he likes your big brother.” Feliciano sighed out miserably. “I worry that if they don’t realize soon, it will ruin them both. And poor Gilly…” He sighed, glancing over at the teacher. “I think maybe you should ask Mister Bonnefoy to talk to him.”  
With a reluctant sigh, Ludwig promised himself he would do just that.


	19. Chapter 18

It hurt to see. That was Francois’ first thought as he stood in the doorway to Gilberts office, silently watching the man. He had yet to be noticed, and he was glad for it. It gave the Frenchman a moment to collect his thoughts, and calm the pang in his heart so he could speak calmly, and soothingly, without threat of his own emotions interfering.   
He had known Gilberts current emotional state was bad. Francois wasn’t stupid, he’d seen him moping around the halls, running like a scared child when he caught sight of Antonio. He just hadn’t realized the true extent of how serious this was. He’d been trying to call Gilbert for weeks, and had always been confused at the lack of answer. Gilbert _always_ answered his calls. It wasn’t until he had tried calling Antonio, figuring the two had just been busy planning the wedding, that he found out what was wrong. Lovino had answered, quietly explaining to the Frenchman what had happened, and explaining that Antonio was a bit of a wreck, and refused to talk to anyone but him.  
Francois had been shocked and confused at the news. He had thought things were getting better. After all, the two had gotten engaged right? However, the blonde couldn’t help but feel a surge of happiness at hearing it had ended, he had seen all too clearly what was developing between Lovino and Antonio, and he didn’t want Gilbert getting any more hurt than he already was.  
After all, he had loved him for years.  
Still, he had kept his distance. He didn’t want to push and accidentally make things worse. Francois couldn’t bear it if he were ever the cause of Gilberts tears. When Ludwig had approached him, pleading for him to talk to the German man, to snap him out of it, Francois knew this had all gone on long enough.   
Now, watching his beloved friend sobbing into his arms at his desk, the mans heart broke once more. “Oh, mon ami…” He murmured, moving closer, his fingers brushing gently through silver locks. “Why didn’t you tell me how much pain you were in?” He drug a chair to sit in front of Gilbert, cupping the younger mans face in soft, gentle hands, tipping it upwards. Cerulean eyes shone with concern, sincere and unmistakable, as he brushed his thumb slowly over porcelain skin.   
Crimson eyes looked back up at him hesitantly, tear stained and filled with pain, but mostly with fear. “I… d-didn't want you to think I was w-weak… or pathetic.. I didn’t want to be a nuisance.” Gilbert sniffled, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeves. He hated this. Absolutely hated it. He was supposed to be strong! Was supposed to hide behind the arrogance that masked his fears, his insecurities. No one was supposed to see him break like this.  
“Gilbert.” Francois’ voice was soothing, but stern, coaxing ruby eyes to look into his own sapphires. “I need you to listen to me closely, because I am only going to say this once, understand?” As he spoke, he tugged the other man onto his lap, stroking gently through his hair. God, how it killed him to see his love so broken! It wasn’t even like he could hold hatred towards Antonio for it, he knew the Spaniard never would have tried to intentionally hurt the German. Sometimes, things just happened, and they were awful, and hurt. But it was unavoidable- that was a part of life.   
“You will never be a nuisance to me, do you understand? I will never think of you as anything less than you are- a beautiful, shy creature who tries so so hard to be strong for everyone else. You know what, Gil?” He paused, pressing a soft kiss to the others cheek, capturing the tears that slid there. “You don’t have to be strong anymore. I know how much you are hurting. Let me be your strength a while. I promise I’ll protect you, and never think any less of you. Understand? Until the day I die, I will protect you.” He swore.  
Gilbert’s eyes widened, locking on Francois’ as they searched desperately for any hint of insincerity- but he found none. He allowed himself to break then, sobbing brokenly into the older mans chest, fingers curling into the white crisp fabric. He buried his face in his friend, his body shaking from the force of his sobs. “It hurts so much!” He wailed, his voice muffled slightly against the fabric. “I loved him… I loved him so much, Fran! A-and I tried. I really really tried, even at the end! A-and it’s not like I’m mad, or like I h-hate him for falling out of love with me, he can’t help how he feels about Lovino any more than I can help how I feel about him! B-but it hurts just the same… and it upsets me that he won’t even own up to it!” He explained, hiccuping lightly as he tried to catch his breath.  
“Shhh….shhh, I know it does.” Gathering Gilbert a little closer in his arms, Francois peppered sweet, calming kisses to the others hair. “But you know Tonio, Gil. He really struggles with guilt, even if he doesn’t show it. He wouldn’t want to admit that, right? In case everyone hates him, and thinks he’s awful for it. In case you, and Lovino, and even myself abandon him and turn on him. Still…” He frowned, fingers dancing lightly over the others back. “It would make things much easier. My poor beautiful Gilbert… you deserve better than this… you deserve someone who makes you smile, and who treasures that smile for what it is- a gift. But even more so… you deserve someone who lets you break. Who will pick up the pieces without complaint, and will feel so incredibly honored to be the one who you let kiss away your tears.” He paused, tilting the others chin up once more, so he could look at the man in his arms. “Because you know what? Anyone who doesn’t want you when you are at your most vulnerable, doesn’t deserve you at your best.”  
The German was silent a moment, processing the others words, a light flush coloring porcelain cheeks. Finally, a timid whisper escaped him, as he tilted his head away shyly. “Why… why are you being so nice to me, Fran?” He questioned softly. He couldn’t understand it, not a bit, even as he relaxed into the warm arms around him. It was the first time he’d felt even a little safe since the break-up, and he wasn’t prepared to give it up quite yet. A breathy sigh escaped him as long, delicate fingers flitted through his hair, coaxing all of his fears and pain away.   
“Silly Gilbert…” He murmured gently, a small, sad smile tugging at his lips. “For Antonio being the one without sight… you can be so blind. What else can I do for the man I love?” He questioned. “What else would I want to do but hold you, protect you?” He saw the panic starting in his friends eyes, and shook his head, rubbing his back. “Shh, shh. It’s alright. I don’t expect you to return my feelings, not when you’ve just been hurt the way you have. All that I ask is that you let me protect you. I want to be the one to pick up the pieces. Then, when you can finally smile and mean it, and only then, would I like to try to prove my love to you.”  
The flush on the albinos cheeks deepened, as he listened to his friends every word carefully. Francois was in love with him? How couldn’t he have seen that sooner? His heart gave a solitary thump in his chest as the other pleaded to be allowed to help mend his heart. How could he possibly say no? “I… alright…” He whispered shakily. “I’ll try my best.. I can’t promise that when I’m better… I’ll feel the same… but I’ll give you a chance, Franny. P-please don’t hurt me worse than I am, I don’t think I could take another blow like this.”  
“Never.” He swore, pressing another kiss to his head. “I’ll never hurt you.”


	20. Chapter 19

“Come on, Lovi, we’re almost there!” Antonio chirped, holding the Italian’s glove-clad hand tightly in his own as the two ran through the park together, fall breeze blowing through their hair. The last days of summer had given way to a beautiful fall. Leaves began to change color, crisping and falling aimlessly to the ground, providing a satisfying crunch when stepped on. The air was cool, refreshing, but not cold enough to be bitter, as September turned into October without much notice. Today was a perfect example of how the seasons had changed.  
Lovino laughed, taking in a deep breath of fall air. “Where are we going? If we run, we’re going to fall!” He reminded, a smile gracing his lips. The teen was dressed warmly, a light coat zipped up snugly, a hat and gloves accompanying it. He still hadn’t been told where they were going, Antonio had just woken him that morning and told him to get dressed, that they were going out for the day. The Spaniard had happily rambled on about having a surprise for Lovino, and the boy had to admit, his interest was piqued. And so he had done as he was asked, bundling up and following Antonio, a smile on his lips. He had spent last night hanging out with Ulrich while the two did homework, so today, he had decided, he could sit aside for just Antonio and himself.  
Things had begun to go back to normal. Gilbert spent most of his time with Francois these days, and seemed to finally be cheering up. Even Antonio, much to Lovinos relief, was returning to his happy self. He no longer cried himself to sleep. He still acted cranky around Ulrich, but Lovino figured that was something that probably wasn’t going to change.   
Finally, he felt Antonio stop, the fingers intertwined with his lightly tugging. Lovino tilted his head in curiosity. He could tell they were in the park, he could hear the brook babbling slowly, the breeze rustling tree leaves. He just didn’t know what they were doing here. “Toni?” He questioned. He could almost hear the bubbling happiness in the others voice when Antonio replied, causing his heart to skip a beat. God, it was nice to have his Toni back.  
“This is your first autumn without sight!” The Spanish man explained excitedly as he spread a blanket out on the grass, falling back on it and taking Lovino with him. “So I thought I’d take you for a picnic in the park so you could experience it to the fullest!”  
Without much thought, Lovino tugged his gloves off, recapturing the Spaniard’s hand. He let his fingers slowly run over the others gloved fingers, feeling the itchy fabric tickling at his own, a giggle escaping his lips. He could feel every strand, as he intertwined their fingers, smiling as he rested back against the older mans chest. “Gloves feel funny now.” He mused. “And you feel like a giant marshmallow in that coat.” Lovino was teasing of course, but he had taken notice. The padding between him and Antonio was soft, yet thin enough he could feel the older mans body heat radiating through against his back. He relaxed back against him, pushing his hat up as it fell over his face. The boys hand reached out to the edge of the blanket, picking up one of the fallen leaves. “It feels so much more vivid.” He murmured, letting his fingers trace every vein, every marred gap. The summer waxiness had faded into a rough crispness that sent a shiver down his spine as he touched it. He pressed it closer to his face, breathing in the scent that was purely autumn, before crunching it in his fingers.   
“And that surprises you?” Antonio teased, playfully tickling his sides. “It almost has a life of its own when you can’t see it, doesn’t it?” He paused, a small breath escaping him, as he leaned forward to rest his chin on Lovinos head gently. He was silent a moment, before his cheery voice once more danced through the air, warming Lovinos heart with every tone. “Hey Lovi? What color are leaves in fall? I hear everyone talk about fall colors, and how pretty they are. What colors do they mean?” He asked curiously.  
Lovino turned his head slightly, nuzzling his nose against the others jaw happily. “In the fall, the leaves turn from green, to orange, red, yellow and brown. You already know how they feel, and smell. Yes, they are absolutely beautiful when they are still on the tree. But my favorite part is after they’ve fallen, painting the ground like a masterpiece. They crunch under your shoes, it’s so much fun!” He explained. He could feel the other grinning against him, a smile breaking across his own face.   
“Well what are we sitting here for? I thought we could play in the leaves!” Antonio chirped, a child like joy in his voice as he stood, hoisting Lovino up by the hand with a laugh. Immediately, he began using his feet and hands to gather a leaf pile, rambling happily as he did so. It made Lovino happy, and for once, he let him ramble, content to hear the beautiful tones back in the others voice, as he helped gather the leaves. His heart hammered in his chest, feeling as though it were swelling until it threatened to burst. A deep crimson crept slowly onto his cheeks as he once more captured the others hand. He didn’t let go. “S-so what now, Toni?” He asked, clearing his throat awkwardly in an attempt to hide the half squeak that escaped. Why was he feeling so weird?  
“This!” Antonios hyper cry was all the warning Lovino had before he was knocked off his feet, tossed backwards into the leaf pile, Antonio falling with him, a laugh of pure bliss slipping from the Spaniards lips. Lovino couldn’t help but laugh too, as he was engulfed in the leaves, feeling their stems tickle at his nose and cheeks. Suddenly, he felt something much heavier than leaves atop him, his flushed cheeks darkening even more.  
 _‘What the hell am I doing?’_ Antonio asked himself, as he leaned over the boy, stroking over a soft cheek with glove cradled hands, wishing the fabric barrier were absent right then. Perhaps it was the sound of Lovinos laugh, it absolutely enchanted him. Before Antonio even really had time to think, he was leaning down, until their lips were millimetres away, his breath warm on Lovinos lips.  
Lovino stilled, confused and conflicted, worry soon growing as he felt dark curls brush his forehead, and that breath… that warm sweet breath… was something wrong? What was Antonio doing? It wasn’t like he was going to kiss him, right? Of course not! After all, Lovino had a boyfriend, and Antonio definitely didn’t feel that way about him. “Tonio? You ok?” He questioned.  
All at once the spell was broken, Antonio moving away from the teen, cheeks burning. Fuck, what was he doing? He’d almost kissed Lovino! That would be monumentally bad. Antonio swore to himself that that was a mistake he wasn’t going to make, no matter what. He couldn’t afford to lose control, and drive Lovino away from him. “Y-yeah… absolutely fine…” He mumbled. “Just got a bit dizzy.”  
And as Lovino sat up, wiping leaves from his clothes, he was surprised to find he was almost disappointed that the Spanish man hadn’t.


	21. Chapter 20

Lovino was troubled. He had been for weeks, if he were truly honest with himself. Ever since that day in the park, he’d been feeling positively strange. He wasn’t sick, that much he knew. But what was stranger still was that the odd feeling only surfaced when he was near Antonio.   
A sigh escaped the teens lips as he listened to the man in question teach. God, he really had a mesmerizing voice. Lovino could lose himself for hours in it and never complain. It was almost like music, so soft and lilting, dancing in the boys ears and warming his heart almost instantly. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his drawing paper and colored pencils. There was something he wanted to try.  
Nimble fingers drew horizontal lines first, before drawing a single vertical line connecting every group of five lines, until he had musical staff paper in front of him. Lovino ran his fingers over the swelled lines carefully, wanting to make sure they were perfect before he began. Taking a deep breath, he focused all of his attention on Antonios voice. Having taken piano lessons as a child, it wasn’t all that hard to match each vocal tone to a note, and soon he was recording the gentle voice that he so loved, taking note of every raise, of every breath. His tongue peeked out of the corner of his mouth, his face showing complete concentration as he worked.   
Sitting at the desk beside him, Ulrich soon took notice of his boyfriends adorable concentrated face. He raised a brow, leaning on his elbow and watching him quietly, a smile tugging at his lips. What could Lovino be working so hard on? The older boy didn’t think he’d ever seen him so focused before. Leaning over, he was surprised to see Lovino doing what looked to be composing. Lovino wrote music? That was new. He watched him intently, the way those delicate fingers would trace over every note as he wrote it, and for a moment, Ulrich almost wished he could hear whatever it was that his boyfriend was hearing. It had to be something interesting if it had caught Lovinos full attention the way it had, usually the younger boy was fidgety, his attention span short.. Either way, it was sure to be better than this boring lesson, right? The blonde wanted to ask, his curiosity was itching. But he didn’t. He’d ask him after class. For one, he didn’t want to disturb his boyfriend and break his concentration, and for another, he didn’t want to give Antonio a reason to bitch at him. One question nagged at him though- Since when the fuck had Lovino been able to write music? And furthermore, why hadn’t Ulrich known that.  
Lovino worked for the whole period, a flush dancing on his cheeks whenever Antonios voice was soften into a sweet lull. When the period was over, he gathered his things, slipping the page into a folder and clutching it to his chest as he made his way towards the front of the room. “Hey Tonio?” He nibbled his lip, hoping that Antonio wouldn’t be mad at him for skipping out on their normal lunch. He had something he wanted to do, and to him, it was important.   
Antonio paused, tilting his head at Lovinos voice, trying to decipher his tone. Why did Lovino sound so worried? Gentle hands reached out to capture Lovinos own, thumb brushing over the back of them gentle, stroking soothing circles into soft tanned skin. “Yeah, Lovinito? What’s wrong, you sound upset! You know you can tell me anything, right?”  
A pause, and then- “Is it alright if I skip out on our lunch today? There is something I have to do. I promise it shouldn’t take more than the lunch period! Then I’ll be back in here for class- although I might steal your lap for a siesta.” He mused, flushing deeply. He hadn’t slept a wink last night, those strange feelings keeping him up. It was making it hard to stay awake. Still, he was determined to, at least until he finished what he wanted to do.  
He was surprised by the musical laugh that lit up the air, instead of the disappointment he’d been expecting. “Is that all? Of course it’s alright, mi Lovi! You do whatever you have to, then you are more than welcome to curl up on my lap and take a siesta, alright?” Antonio brushed his lips over the teens head sweetly, hugging him close, a smile tugging at his lips as he felt the teen relax against him, Lovinos face burying in his chest. “Did you think I’d be upset with you over something as simple as that?” He questioned, hand moving under the boys chin, gently tipping his face up and pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek. “Never. Sometimes you have other things to do. Just promise me you’ll be careful, alright?”  
Lovino flushed red, his fingers curling into the fabric of the others shirt momentarily. He was happy Antonio wasn’t upset with him, and the sweet kisses made him feel a great deal better. “I will be.” He promised, reluctantly pulling away. Keeping the folder clutched to his chest, he left the room, flitting carefully down the hall, ever vigilant of his surroundings, lest he bump into someone. He didn’t stop until he reached the music room, shyly knocking on the door.   
A moment later, Roderich Edelstein, the music teacher, opened it. He was surprised to see Lovino standing there. Lovino avoided the music room like the plague, he had since Roderich tried to convince him to focus more on music his first year of high school. It made the Austrian man quite sad to think of. He had always seen such great musical potential in the elder Vargas. Not like the younger. While Feliciano had a cute voice, he had no attention or skill for instruments. “Yes Lovino? What can I do for you?” He asked curiously.  
Lovino tilted his head up towards the voice, a shy smile on his lips. “H-Hi, Mister Edelstein. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if it would be alright if I used some of the instruments?” Slowly, hesitantly, he tugged the sheet music out of his folder, handing it to the man. “I want to try this, and I’m not sure what it’ll sound best on.”  
Violet eyes looked the sheets over curiously, his eyes widening. “Of course, of course, come in. But Lovino- did you write this yourself?” He questioned. As if he didn’t already know the answer. “Why don’t you try it on the piano first? That’s usually a good one to at least hear your notes on first.” He suggested, stepping aside so the other could enter the large, empty room.  
Lovino stepped inside shyly, once more clutching his sheet music to him when it was handed back. “Yes sir, I did, last period.” He paused, thinking over the mans suggestion, before nodding, moving towards where the piano had always been. His fingers reached out in front of him to aid him in finding it, running over the smooth, cool finish. Carefully, he sat on the bench, sliding the lid back from the keys. The teen set his precious sheets up on the stand, running his fingers over the notes and memorizing them, before beginning to play. The notes sounded smooth, lilting, and Lovino relaxed into it as he played, fingers dancing gracefully over the keys.  
Roderich could only sit back at his desk and listen in awe to what the boy had created. Obviously, whatever it was meant a lot to him. He knew Lovino, and Lovino only played this passionately, this fluently, when it was something he cared for deeply. The tone was lovely, all the notes flowing together without problem. he was surprised, however, to see the teen pause, frowning.  
That wasn’t it! Lovino let out a noise of discontent, standing from the piano. It wasn’t pretty enough, lilting enough. The piano was almost too rough for what he wanted. His mind raced, as he tried to think. What would do Antonios beautiful voice justice? He tried the guitar next, carefully strumming the strings with dedicated concentration, but it still sounded scratchy to his ears! There had to be something, at least one instrument that would sound perfect. Finally he had it.   
The raven haired teacher watched him intently as Lovino walked across the room, fingers hesitating only a moment before reaching out to clasp a violin and bow. He took a moment, letting his fingers caress the gentle strands of hair that formed the bow, making sure it was sturdy, and would do his creation justice. Settling the violin under his chin, he once more began to play the notes he had now memorized. A beautiful smile broke across his face. This was it! This was the sound! The bow flew in his fingers, Lovinos body moving with each stroke. His mind was free and clear of everything but Antonios voice as he played, his heart swelling with joy and- something else. Something new, and unfamiliar.  
 _Love._  
It hit the seventeen year old all at once, like a tidal wave washing away all he was, and all he had ever known. He was in love with Antonio. He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it sooner. The strange feeling he’d been having since that day in the park suddenly made all too much sense. The jealousy he had felt when Antonio spent time with Gilbert, that sick heavy feeling that had settled in his chest when he had heard Antonio had proposed all those months ago. It all became clear. He had never wanted Antonio as a caretaker, as a parental figure. No, no. Lovino wanted him as a lover. He wanted those arms that held him so tenderly to be his alone. Still, his fingers never stopped, even as tears began to roll from unseeing eyes, streaming down tanned cheeks as they glistened in the light of the room. This complicated everything. What was he going to do? He had Ulrich. Antonio would never feel the same, would hate him.   
Roderich watched in concern as the boy began to cry, but decided it would be best not to intrude. Whatever this piece meant to Lovino, whatever was causing him so much distress, it was obviously deeply personal. He could only hope this would help Lovino, would grant him sanctuary from whatever was troubling him.  
When Lovino was done, he fell to his knees, violin still clutched in his arms as he began to sob in earnest, body shaking. “Toni…” He whispered brokenly, his voice holding so much agony that it damn near broke Roderichs heart. “What are you doing to me? Ti amo… ti amo… I shouldn’t…” God, what was he going to do? It wasn’t like he could tell the Spaniard what he was feeling. There was a good chance that Antonio wouldn’t even believe him. And what about Ulrich? He couldn’t hurt him like that, not for something unrequited and one sided. It wouldn’t be fair. Maybe it would go away? No. He knew what a crush felt like, and it wasn’t this. It occurred to him then, that he had been lied to his whole life. Everyone always told him how wonderful love was. That it was the one thing that made life worth living. But what he was feeling was anything but wonderful. It was a cold, hard terror in his chest, a pain that was so sharp and acute it stole his breath. _How is it you’ve captured me so completely? That you’ve gotten me hooked on your voice, on your touch, without me even realizing it. And now it’s too late… there is no salvation now, is there?_  
It hurt. It hurt worse than anything Lovino could imagine, next only to the accident. He rubbed his eyes slowly, moving back to the piano. He played with all the passion he had in him, Hallelujah flying from the keys, his voice soon echoing in the lyrics. It had always confused him, even when he was little and nonno would sing it for him. Wasn’t love supposed to be happy? That’s what his Disney movies said. But now, for the first time in his life, he understood.


	22. Chapter 21

Days passed by since Lovinos realization, and the pain had yet to fade. He’d done his best to push his thoughts to the back of his mind, to ignore them completely. However, it was easier said then done. Especially now, laying in the Spaniards arms, the cool night air causing them to snuggle together under a quilt. Lovino snuggled his face into the mans chest, listening carefully. He always knew the moment Antonio fell asleep- his heart beat settled, his breath softening. Lovino waited until he knew for sure that the other was asleep, before pausing. His mind raced. What could be the harm in admitting his feelings here, in the silence, where no one but himself would hear?  
He took in a soft little breath, before whispering quietly, “Toni?” He didn’t want to take any risk of the other being awake to hear him. That would be monumentally bad, and the teen knew it. Upon receiving no reply, he relaxed, cuddling back into the others arms. Timidly, he lifted the others hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing them to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to where they joined. For a moment, he simply savored the feeling of his hand in the older mans, the way his smaller, delicate hand fit perfectly in Antonios work roughened one. Still no response. He took a deep breath, before whispering into the silence. “I love you…” It fell easily from his lips, natural, and not a bit bitter. He had expected it to be hard, had thought the words would feel foreign on his tongue. If he were being honest, he’d wanted it to be harder, hoping that if it felt strange enough, it’d be easier to push it away. “I love you…” He whispered again, free hand lifting to stroke gently through chocolate curls. “And I know I shouldn’t… I’m going to hurt a lot of people if I can’t get it under control… you… Ulrich… and I’ll probably get hurt myself pretty bad.” The teen sighed out softly. “But I don’t think I can help it… in hindsight, I’ve loved you from the start. I was just too terrified to understand that. Now that I know, it’s so much scarier.”   
He moved to cuddle his face back into Antonios chest, pressing a soft kiss to the Spanish mans chest “I suppose all I can do now is wait for this feeling to go away, and be happy to be by your side, if even for a little while.” Not that he would ever be brave enough to say it aloud, but here, with only his thoughts and the soft breathing coming from the man he loved, he was able to recognize that maybe the accident had done him more good than it had wronged him. After all, he had gained the experience of relearning the world. Not to mention, without it, he wouldn’t have Antonio. He would still just be plain scared, cranky, boring, self-hating Lovino. He hadn’t really noticed just how much Antonio had changed him, all for the better of course He wasn’t afraid of opening up to people. He was still shy, but he put up no walls, and certainly wasn’t as hard on himself. Hell, when he stopped to think about it, he probably wouldn’t be dating Ulrich if it weren’t for Antonio. He would still be too scared to let someone that close.  
“Tonio…” He whispered against the sleeping mans chest, tears welling and running down his cheeks. He didn’t even try to stop them, what did he have to hide now? “You mean so much to me… you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me… and I can’t even tell you.” He never let go of the fingers he was holding, not even for a second. Finally content that the aching had stopped for the moment, he allowed himself to drift to sleep, held tight by the only man he’d ever truly loved.


	23. Chapter 22

Lovino was trying. Truly he was. He had pushed his feelings for Antonio to the back burner, trying to focus on only his studies, and his boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Ulrich, especially after the German teen had been so kind to him, had protected him and loved him. Ulrich was sweet for that. Lovino especially wasn’t willing to ruin their relationship for something he knew he could never have. Antonio would never know his feelings, and he would never return them even if he did.  
And so, when Ulrich had invited him to his family's cabin for Thanksgiving weekend, Lovino had happily accepted, after, of course, much coercion with his grandfather and Antonio. He had finally managed to convince them to let him go, hoping this weekend would allow him to truly focus on what he felt for Ulrich. Hopefully, he would be able to put his feelings for Antonio aside for good, and convince himself that he felt more for Ulrich than, if he were honest enough to admit to himself, he did.  
A sigh escaped his lips as he packed his overnight bag, making sure he had his toothbrush, hair brush, and spare clothes. The knock on the door came just as he finished zipping the bag. “Coming!” He called out.  
Ulrich was very excited for this weekend. This was going to be the first time the two teens spent the entire weekend alone, and he had a very special surprise for Lovino, something that guaranteed he wouldn’t lose him to that stupid Spanish bastard. It sat in his pocket, fingers curling and uncurling around it as he knocked at the door. Lovino was going to love it, he thought smugly.   
“Hey babe.” Lovino smiled up at him after opening the door, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend happily. “I’m all ready to go when you are.”   
“Wait!!” Antonio wailed, running to where the teens stood. He tugged the Italian boy to him, hugging him tightly and kissing his head. “Stay safe, ok? You have my cell number, you can call me if anything happens ok?” The Spanish man gently kissed the boys head. “I’ll miss you.”  
Crimson burned on Lovinos cheeks as he hugged back, forcing Ulrich to bite back a growl. “I’ll miss you too, Tonio.” Lovino slid into his coat, taking the Germans hand as they walked to the car. A nervous buzz ran through him, this was, after all, their first time alone for so long.  
“Why don’t you rest until we reach the cabin?” Ulrich suggested, reaching out to gently ruffle auburn locks. “Then you won’t be tired tonight when we’re watching movies.” Honestly, the German just needed some time to sort out his thoughts. He had spent the last two months picking up extra shifts at work, saving until he could afford the small, albeit beautiful, silver ring in his pocket. It was simple, yet elegant, two white diamonds on either side of a light pink stone. And he had prayed he’d chosen well. It wasn’t an engagement ring, just a promise that he was Lovinos and Lovino was his. Either way, he’d find out soon enough.   
Honestly, he was surprised. He had known he liked Lovino. Who wouldn’t, cute, a great kisser. But he’d never expected to find himself falling in love with the younger boy. That just hadn’t been in his plans. It wasn’t love at first sight, no- it had been slow, so slow he’d scarce noticed it. He’d grown protective. Possessive. And now, the thought of anyone else touching his Lovino was almost painful. And yet- he hadn’t yet figured out what he’d say when he gave it yet. He supposed when the time came, he’d say what was in his heart. Shit, that sounded sappy.   
When they arrived, he nudged Lovino awake carefully, before helping him out, keeping the others hand cradled in his own. Ulrich led him inside, before moving to light the fireplace, a smile on his lips. “I thought we could sit in front of the fire for our movies.” He explained. He had even gotten used to watching them with the described video on, since it was rare for the two teens to ever actually pay attention to the movie. “Or just cuddling. That sounds good too.” He teased, before taking a deep breath. “Hey Lovino?”  
Lovino giggled at his boyfriends teasing, he had to admit, Ulrich was a funny person. It was one of the things he liked the most about the older boy, he could always make Lovino smile. However, when the germans voice turned serious, he frowned, snapping his attention to him. “Yes Ully? Is something wrong?” He asked curiously. Ulrich never sounded serious, least of all when they were alone, and it was confusing to the Italian.   
“Nothing is wrong.” He swore. “Just… I know Christmas isn’t until next month… but I bought you something a little early. I don’t want to give it to you right this minute, but I promise I will today, and I only hope you like it.” He flushed, rubbing the back of his head nervously. “Lovino.. you know I love you right? Even though I don’t say it. I do. I love you.”   
Lovino froze, a chill washing over him. He couldn’t say it back, he’d be lying, and Ulrich deserved better than that. But he couldn’t leave the poor thing standing there waiting. So instead, he pressed their lips together, his fingers tangling in soft blonde locks. “You…” He breathed against the others lips between kisses. “Are wonderful… and sweet…” His lips parted in invitation, hoping to distract Ulrich for the moment.   
It worked. The blonde tugged Lovino down into the nest of blankets and pillows he had set up beforehand, getting the Italian situated on his lap and deepening the kiss. God, he tasted amazing, the subtle taste of tomatoes clinging to the Italians lips. Ulrichs heart swelled in his chest, a protective arm winding around the others waist, pulling him closer. His free fingers twitched slightly, silently sliding into his pocket towards the case.  
Lovino melted into the kiss, allowing himself to become hypersensitive to every touch, to every jolt of electricity that ran through him, sizzling his skin. It was the best part, when he could simply lose himself to physical sensations and not worry about emotions. They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, sharing lazy, deep kisses- until the laziness faded. The kisses soon grew more fevered, more hot, and Lovino couldn’t help the fire that seemed to lap at his body. His head tilted, a moan escaping him as Ulrichs lips nibbled and sucked at his tanned throat, leaving a new set of deep dark marks. It wouldn’t be hard, he thought, to give himself over to the heat. To let his body go with the passion, and give himself to his boyfriend completely. After all, he was Ulrichs, and the German had been so respectful the past five months, never pushing his bounds. What better way to prove to himself that this was what he wanted? Nimble fingers slid to the hem of the others shirt, slipping underneath the feel the skin of Ulrichs stomach. “U-Ully? I want… I want more..” He whispered shyly.   
Ulrich could have sworn he had died and gone to heaven when Lovino said that. “Are you sure?” He asked softly, a quiet little mewl his answer. He pulled Lovino closer, tugging his own shirt up and off before working on the buttons of the younger teens, nipping and kissing each new section of skin he found. His free hand closed around the box in his pocket, pulling it out. It was time, he decided, to make Lovino all his-  
 _“Toni!”_


	24. Chapter 23

Ulrich instantly froze, the air suddenly stolen from his lungs. That one word, called out so innocently, so sweetly, brought more pain to the eighteen year olds chest than he could have ever imagined possible. No! This wasn’t supposed to be how things went! He wasn’t supposed to have fallen in love to begin with! If he were well and truly honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn’t liked Lovino at all in the beginning. No, it had simply been a way to piss off the man who had changed his beloved older brother so much, a quiet conflictless revenge. It was bitterly funny how much that had backfired on him.   
By the end of the first few weeks, he had found himself feeling strange. When Lovino smiled up at him, or giggled so softly, not a care in his voice, Ulrichs chest had tightened. He had found himself quietly swearing that he would do anything to make sure Lovino never frowned again. He remembered the old Lovino, a frown simply didn’t suit the boy. And when the seventeen year old would excitedly tell him about something, or would pick flowers, laughing as he ran the blondes finger over each petal in an attempt to give Ulrich a glimpse into his world, his voice filled with awe, Ulrich would find himself smiling in spite of himself.   
The German wasn’t sure of the exact moment he had fallen in love with Lovino. All he knew was he had. It was so hard not to. And now, with that one word, everything was crashing around him. His blood ran cold, chest tightening. Not with anger, not at Lovino anyways. He could never be mad at the Italian. No, he was feeling a mixture of heartache so strong it was a physical ache, and extreme disappointment. His fingers, until now cradling that little wooden box, dropped it to the floor with a clank, and he understood why Lovino hadn’t said it back when he had confessed.  
Lovino hadn’t even realized what had happened, that the man he loved so dearly ‘s name had slipped from his lips. It confused him when Ulrich stiffened, as the room took on an eerie stillness. “Ully? Baby, what’s wrong?” He questioned, leaning forward to cuddle his face into the blondes neck gently.   
“....That wasn’t my name, Lovino.” Ulrichs voice was hoarse, not much more than a mere rasp, his skin cold. A feeling of horror washed over Lovino all at once, as he realized what he had done. “I… I didn’t….” His voice was shaky, it was clear to hear the panicked tones. “Oh god… mi dispiace, Ulrich, I’m so sorry, that was the last thing I… I didn’t mean to, I swear it!”  
Ulrich sighed, tugging Lovino closer and gently rubbing his back. He wanted to be mad. God, how he wanted to be mad, to turn the fragile boy in his arms away. But he couldn’t. After all, he loved him, and he knew that wasn’t going to instantly fade just because Lovino didn’t feel the same. They did, however, need to talk. Right now. “I know…” Another broken sigh, fingers stroking soothingly through Lovinos hair. “I know you didn’t. But I do think we need to talk, yeah?”  
Lovino chewed his lip, nodding against Ulrichs chest quietly. “Y-yeah… you’re right.” He didn’t speak as Ulrich lifted him to the couch, taking the younger teens hands in bigger, stronger ones. “Lovino… I know you didn’t mean to say that… but I also know it wasn’t without cause. I need you to tell me, I won’t be mad, or yell, or anything like that. But I need to know. Do you love Antonio?” The name came out so pained, and it was all Ulrich could do to keep the venom out of his voice at the mention of the Spaniard. He hated him. Everything Ulrich cared about, Antonio stole or destroyed.  
“I…” Lovino let out a miserable breath, his fingers curling into the fabric of the others shirt. “I do…. I swear I didn’t know.. I only figured it out about a week and a half ago. I didn’t.. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I care about you, alot, just…”  
“Just not as much as you care about him.” Ulrich softly finished. “I’m not mad. Not at you anyways. I know you didn’t mean to.” His fingers never stopped running carefully over the others back, as he took a shaky breath. “Is that why you wanted to…?” He let the question trail off, unable to finish it. It meant a lot to him to know that Lovino really had tried. He knew this boy, he knew he wouldn’t offer his body, his innocence, up like that for fun. It proved to him that the Italians intentions had been good at least.   
Lovino simply nodded, head hung in shame. “I wanted… I wanted to make myself only care for you… a-and I thought…. if I…” He didn’t understand. Why wasn’t Ulrich yelling at him? Shouldn’t he be mad, telling Lovino how awful he was? And yet, there was none of that, the other just continued to gently hold him.  
“I understand.” Ulrich sighed out miserably, stabbing his fingers through his hair. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it. But you can’t help what you feel, any more than I can. Heart wants what the heart wants, and all that shit. I just…” He paused, fishing the box out of his pocket, and pressing it into Lovinos palm, curling the delicate fingers around it. “I bought you this. It would make me really happy if you’d wear it. I don’t… know what happens to us now. If you want to keep trying, to give us a shot, I won’t say no. But if you decide this just isn’t working, I won’t hate you. I’ll probably be in a bad mood for a few days, but I won’t be angry at you.”  
Lovino could feel his heart sink as the box was pressed into his hand, opening it and feeling the little ring. “I’ll wear it. You got it   
for me, so I promise, I’ll cherish it.” He swore, sliding it onto his right hand ring finger. “Ully..” He sighed, reaching out to capture the others face gently between his hands, peppering his jaw with gentle kisses. “I’m sorry… I don’t want to hurt you any worse than I already have.. I think… it’s best… if I let you find someone who will love you the way you deserve.” Lovino paused. “I’m not leaving you for him. I swear. I don’t plan on even telling him how I feel. I just want you to have a chance at real happiness.”  
The silence that sat in the room was almost enough to suffocate, pain poisoning the very air. And then- a weak whisper, barely audible. “Let me have you for one last night… please Lovino…” Ulrich swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to force the words out. “Just let me pretend one last time.”  
“Of course.” Lovino whispered, burying his face back into his boyfriends chest. In the morning, they could face the uncertainty of the future. For tonight, he was Ulrichs- if for the last time.  
That night, the two boys slept curled up in each others arms, clinging to the last remaining fragments of comfort almost desperately. The morning would indeed be a cold one.


	25. Chapter 24

Antonio was determined to do something nice for Lovino. Lovino deserved something nice right? Now it wasn’t that there was something necessarily wrong, the Spanish man had just been worrying about the teen for the last two weeks, and was determined to make sure the cheer in his voice stopped having that hollow echo to it.   
He’d been surprised on Thanksgiving weekend, when Lovino had come back after only one day. What surprised him even more was that Ulrich hadn’t come in, and the Spaniard had heard no kiss goodbye. He hadn’t wanted to admit how happy that had made him. Any happiness he had felt had soon faded the moment Lovino spoke.   
“I’m home..” He had murmured quietly, and Antonio could hear the tears in Lovinos voice. The boy had hung up his coat, moving to sit on the couch beside the older man, burying his face in Antonios side, a shiver running through his body. He was trying so hard not to cry, and it was obvious.  
Antonio had instantly become alarmed. Calloused hands reached out, cradling the boys face in them as he tipped it upwards, brushing a kiss to his temple. “Lovinito.. what’s wrong, sweet heart? And don’t tell me nothing, because I can hear very clearly how hard you are trying to hold it in, and you know I know when something is wrong.” He said sternly. “Is it Ulrich? If he hurt you, I’ll hit him for you, no questions asked!” He offered a little too quickly, his voice a little too excited at the prospect of having an excuse to deck the boy.  
“No, no, that won’t be necessary…. it’s nothing like that.” He murmured, shaky voice muffled against Antonio’s t-shirt. “If anything…” A sniffle, as Lovinos strength began to wear out, tears beginning to pool in his eyes. “I hurt him. B-badly..” He whispered, fingers sadly touching the ring on his finger. “I broke up with him Tonio… not because he did anything wrong… but just because I didn’t love him, and he deserved more than that.”  
The Spaniard hadn’t pressed, instead deciding it would be best to just hold the boy close until he felt better. He was curious, of course. He had thought his Lovinito was head over heels in love with the German boy. He was surprised, however, to find that Lovino took the break up surprisingly well. There were no crying fits for days. No sleepless nights. Nothing like Antonio had had. No, he took it with a quiet dignity.   
But Antonio still knew something was wrong. Lovinos voice had been off, even when he laughed. There was something bothering the boy. And while Antonio didn’t want to press and make things worse, he did want to cheer him up. Which had brought him to where he was now, standing in the cities largest department store. Lovino wasn’t home today, he was at his grandfathers house, and so the Spaniard had decided it would be a nice surprise if he decorated their room for Christmas!   
Antonio slowly approached a counte, hoping he could find a worker there. “Excuse me.” He smiled charmingly at the woman at the desk. “I need a bit of help. I’m trying to pick out a tree, and christmas ornaments, and as you can probably see, I’m at a bit of a disadvantage.” He giggled a little at his own joke.   
“Of course!” The woman hummed, moving around the desk. “What kind of ornaments are you looking for?”  
With a grin, Antonio told her, and the two were off hunting.  
Lovino was absolutely exhausted when he returned home. He loved spending time with his little brother, but the fifteen year old had so much energy that it quickly wore Lovino out! The moment he opened the door, cheerful Christmas carols kissed his ears, making him smile in spite of himself. It sounded so heavenly and light. “Tonio? You home?” He called out, setting the dish of pasta his brother had made them on the counter.  
“In here, Lovi! Welcome home, I have a surprise for you!” Antonio called out excitedly, moving to Lovino and taking his hands excitedly, practically dragging him into the living room. The Spaniard really hoped this would do the trick, he missed hearing his beautiful Lovinos voice so light and happy.  
Lovino followed him curiously, lightly squeezing the hand that held his own, a flush dancing on his cheeks. Antonio had a surprise, just for him? “What is it?” He asked curiously, trying to hide the childlike excitement in his voice. Lovino had always loved surprises, it meant someone was taking the time to plan something special just for him, with the singular intent of putting a smile on his face.   
The Spaniard didn’t answer. Instead, he guided Lovinos hand, carefully brushing it along the bristling branches of their new tree. He didn’t stop there though, continuing to move them, until they rested on the cool glass ornaments. Each one had a different texture and shape. Some had rough glitter, some were smooth as silk. Others still were cool like porcelain, twisting and winding.  
The reaction was instantaneous. Lovinos face lit up, an excited breath escaping his lips as he inhaled deeply, the scent of pine filling his nostrils. “Oh Tonio…” He whispered, awestruck. “This is the most amazing tree I think I’ve ever had! It’s perfect! You did all this for me?” He questioned. “But how?”  
Antonio let out an embarrassed laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “Si, si, all for you. Well- the woman at the store helped out a lot, I’ll admit. I told her what I was looking for, and she found them for me.” He could feel a familiar blush creeping to his cheeks, but honestly, he was just so excited to hear that joy back in the teens voice. His heart swelled in his chest, and it took everything in him not to capture Lovinos lips with his own. He resisted. “I know you’ve not been feeling great lately, even if you didn’t want to admit it. So I decided to surprise you and decorate for Christmas! It’s just not the same if you don’t have a tree.”   
Lovino tilted his head up towards the man, before throwing his arms around him in a tight hug. “Thank you…” He whispered. “I needed this… thank you so much…” He melted into the other, content to bury his face into the Spaniards chest. For now, it was enough.


	26. Chapte 25

Lovino couldn’t believe it was already Christmas break. Where had first semester gone to? Not that he was complaining, of course. No, he was rather enjoying his break. It was December 22, the day Lovino and Antonio had agreed to celebrate their Christmas, since Lovino had to spend the 24th and and 25th with his grandfather and his brother.   
Lovino was curled up on the couch, his body snuggled into Antonios side as he sipped his mug of hot cocoa, a blanket over their laps, Antonios arm around his shoulders, the two enjoying the quiet silence of the room. They had yet to open their presents from one another, but neither minded, each secretly grateful for the warmth of the other.  
“Hey Tonio?” Lovinos soft voice cut through the silence, as he cuddled further into Antonios side, his head on the others shoulder. “I know I’m not technically supposed to… but since it’s our Christmas, do you think I could have a little of the Irish Cream in my hot chocolate too?” He asked, taking another sip.  
Antonio laughed softly, leaning to press a soft kiss to the boys head, taking in the scent of the candy cane shampoo Lovino had decided to use for the holiday season. He missed the apple scent- but this was a pleasant little change for Christmas. “Si, si, of course, mi Lovinito, but just a little. Why don’t you wait until after we open our presents, and then I’ll make you one, alright?” He offered.  
Lovino let out a contented sigh at kiss, capturing Antonios hand in his own and bringing it to his cheek, nuzzling against it happily. “Alright. Can I give you yours now?” He questioned softly. Lovino had spent almost two months trying to find the perfect gift for the beautiful man, and for the longest time, it had eluded him. Finally, he had found it one day, with help from Feliciano. He had had to pay extra to get it adjusted so it would be absolutely perfect, but it was definitely worth it. It had taken everything in him to not give it to Antonio the day he picked it up. But he had resisted, and had managed to not even give away what it was.   
“Of course, mi Lovinito, only if I can give you yours too.” He agreed, flushing slightly. When Lovino handed him the small wrapped box, he cradled it in his hands a moment, shaking it lightly to try and guess what it was. It rattled slightly. What could it be? Antonio took his time opening it, savoring the smooth wrapping paper, feeling each raised ridge of the star pattern. This had always been his favorite part of Christmas, even more than the gifts themselves. Finally, he reached inside, pulling out the small, flat box and opening it. Gentle fingers lifted the chain, searching for the pendant, and feeling over it. The moment he realized what it was, tears welled up in his eyes. “Oh, Lovi….” He whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I love it.. it’s perfect… more beautiful than anything I could ever ask for.”  
In his hand lay a small rectangle shaped pendant, attached to a silver chain. It had taken him a moment to figure out what it was, but now, he couldn’t get it out of his head. It was a Spanish flag, the crest raised off the pendant so he could feel every line, every detail, every stroke. What really got him though, was the little raised design in the bottom corner. It had obviously been a special addition, one that caused his heart to swell. _Forget-me-nots._ Antonio had told Lovino only fleetingly how they had always been Alejos favorite flower, and how when the boy was in the hospital, he had given one to his father and made him promise to never forget him, even if he went to heaven. _Lovino had remembered._  
Lovino flushed red, his voice soft and shy. “Do you like it? I hope they made it right, I couldn’t exactly check.”  
Antonio didn’t respond for a moment, tugging the other into his arms and kissing his head lovingly. “I love it… Dios, Lovinito, gracias… I’ll never take it off.” He swore, turning so Lovino could put it on him, tears streaming down his face. He reached over and picked up Lovinos gift, a rather large box, handing it to him shyly. “I really hope you like it.” He murmured, listening to every crackle and crunch of the paper, as Lovino reached inside the box.  
His fingers ran slowly over soft fabric, taking in every detail before gasping audibly, his voice shaky as he spoke. “Antonio? Is this..” His voice was no more than a disbelieving whisper. “Is this Signore Teddykins?” The teen questioned in absolute shock. Signore Teddykins had been the last gift Lovinos parents had ever bought him, his second birthday present. The large bear had been the childs only comfort when his parents had begun to ignore him. He had cherished it dearly, but when he was eight years old, just days after his parents funeral, a vicious family member had taken it on him and thrown it out, claiming he was too old for teddy bears. Little Lovino had sobbed for weeks at losing the last part of his mother and fathers love he had had. Nervous, shaky fingers pressed the bears paw, hearing the familiar, soft spoken I love you. “How did you know?”  
Antonio laughed sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Your grandfather told me back in May. We spent months looking for one online. Turns out, they are pretty hard to find. The only one we could get was a little worn out- so I took him to a toymaker downtown, who fixed up good as new, save for a little bit of wear we left, so it’s as if you never lost yours. Your grandfather told me yours only had one eye, so the dollmaker removed one so it’d be the same.” He confessed.  
Lovino squeezed the bear to him tightly, sobbing loudly, not from sadness, but from absolute joy. He would never be able to form the words to express his gratitude, and the gesture made him love the Spanish man all the more. The room was silent a moment, and then, Lovino was leaning in, one arm moving to slide around Antonios neck, tangling in dark curls, as Antonio leaned in too. Calloused fingers cradled the teens face, as their lips finally met, the way both of them had ached for for so long. There was no burning passion that consumed them both, as those silly romance novels Antonio so often read in secret spoke of. No. All there was in that kiss was love, pure and untainted.


	27. Chapter 26

Antonio melted into the kiss eagerly, his hands moving to wind around the others waist, tugging him onto his lap, his tongue seeking entrance into the boys mouth. Lovino didn’t hesitate to grant it to him, moaning quietly as the older mans tongue languidly explored his mouth. His skin felt like it were on fire in a way it had never been before, not even with Ulrich.  
That moan was what brought Antonio back to reality. He instantly pulled away, cursing under his breath, panic in his voice. Shit, shit, shit! What the hell was he doing!? He had kissed Lovino! He had kissed Lovino! Underage, sweet, innocent Lovino. Fuck, he had taken advantage of him, hadn’t he!? Antonios mind raced, he had to get out of here now, the temptation of that precious boy was too much, and the last thing he wanted to do was taint Lovino. Anyone but Lovino.  
Lovino let out a breathy sigh as the other pulled away, a beautiful smile on his lips. After months of confusion and pain and heartache, he had finally gotten the kiss he had been aching for! At first, Lovino didn’t realize anything was wrong. How could anything be wrong? It was Christmas, he had Signore Teddykins, and he had gotten his Christmas wish- a kiss with Antonio. “I love you, Tonio..” He whispered into the air for the other to hear.  
Antonio let out a quiet whimper, holding his head and tugging at his hair, before beginning to shove some clothes in a bag, along with anything he desperately needed. “No no no no no! Lovino, you don’t. Lo siento, lo siento! You are such a sweet, precious boy, and you know you are my world- but this can’t happen. This isn’t happening. You don’t love me. You’re just confused after your break up with Ulrich, that’s all!!”  
Tears began to stream down Lovinos cheeks as the others words dawned on him. No! This couldn’t be happening- Antonio had kissed him too! That meant he loved him back, right? Soft sobs began to tumble from his lips, his body shaking. “No… I’m not confused! I love you! T-that’s why I left him!” He whimpered brokenly.  
“I’m sorry, mi Lovinito. I can’t stay.” With that, Antonio ran out the door, backpack thrown over his shoulder, trying to drown out Lovinos pleads not to leave him. He knew those would haunt him for a while, pain blossoming in his chest. At the bottom of the stairs, he called for a cab, giving it directions to take him to the airport once it arrived. Tears streamed without restraint down his cheeks, it was all he could do to hold back the sobs that ached to be freed, the lump in his throat threatening to choke him. The drive was a long, somber one. His heart was broken, but he knew it was for the best. It hurt like hell- but it was for Lovino. There was no way Lovino really loved him. He deserved better. Besides, it was only a crush Antonio had towards the boy right? Now that he had kissed him, it would certainly leave his system! Somehow though, he knew deep down that wasn’t true.  
Pulling his phone out, Antonio weakly hit the keys, waiting for a voice on the other end to pick up. “Mami? Si, it’s Tonio. I’m… I’m coming home. Tonight.” Ten minutes later, he was standing in the airport lobby, making his way to a desk. He quickly purchased a ticket, before moving to the waiting area, his fingers typing out a quick text to Romulus. “I’m sorry, but I quit. I have to go home to Spain, something came up.” He sighed, resting back in the uncomfortable chairs, and when boarding call came, his movements were forced. All he could do now was pray his heart would mend. Sitting in his chair, curled up against the window of the plane, Antonio allowed himself to cry, until his tears coaxed him into a deep, tormented sleep. All he could hear were Lovinos pleas, promises to be a good boy, begging him not to leave.  
Meanwhile, Lovino sat in their now empty dorm room, sobbing brokenly into his knees. What had he done? He’d ruined everything, just as he had feared that he would! He was a bad boy, a bad boy, and he had made Antonio leave him. His body felt cold, violent shivers wracking his small frame. Part of him almost believed that any moment, Antonio would open that door, and tell him that he had realized Lovino meant it, and that he loved him too. He knew, however, that that wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t know where the Spanish man had gone, all he knew was he wasn’t coming back.  
The boy clung his bear to him desperately, sobbing into it the same as he had as a child. One more person who had left him. But this time- he had no one to blame but himself. He should have kept his feelings inside. He should have continued pretending! But he had been so sure… so sure Antonio felt the same. And that kiss.. it was everything Lovino had ever dreamed it would be. Now it simply left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. The silence terrified him, he hadn’t been alone, not since the accident. Now, he had no choice. Standing on weak legs, the boy stumbled to the closet, grabbing one of Antonios hoodies and tugging it on, before sliding into the bed, clutching the bear close as he sobbed. He couldn’t help but wonder how a day so perfect had turned out so wrong.  
Five minutes was all it had taken for Lovino Vargas to lose the only person he loved. But not just that. No. He had lost his strength, his comfort, his protector. He had lost the person who had brought out his smile and shown it to the world, who had made him lovable, and shown him his own worth. Everything. Everything he held near and dear was gone.  
Lovino fell asleep to the sound of his own sobs, and his heart shattering.


	28. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh fuck I'm sorry to anyone who actually reads this, I have it all done and have been forgetting to post it on here >..

Romulus didn’t know what to do. His eldest grandson, his precious Lovino, had not ceased sobbing in his arms since he had woken up. Upon receiving the text from Antonio, the man had immediately begun to worry. He didn’t know what had happened, but he knew it was something serious, and that it involved his grandson. His suspicions had been confirmed when he’d arrived at the boys dorm, seeing the teen curled up in the bed. Antonios hoodie hung baggy on Lovinos small form as he clutched his bear desperately, face tear stained and panicked.  
Lovino hadn’t even questioned his grandfathers presence when he awoke. Instead, he had catapulted himself into the mans arms, once more beginning to sob. “Nonno… it hurts… it hurts… I ruined it!!!” His wails were muffled in Romulus’ chest. “I’m so stupid! Bad, bad, bad!” His heart felt as though it were breaking in his chest. This had to be his fault.  
Romulus cradled him close, stroking lovingly through the boys hair. “What did you ruin, bambino? Tell me what happened.” His voice was soothing, soft, as he tugged Lovino onto his lap, rocking him gently. His poor little Lovino. He had been through so much already. Romulus knew there was nothing he could do to help until he got all the facts.  
“I…” Lovino took a shaky breath, staring down at the ground. “I fell in love with Tonio...a-and… and I hurt Ulrich… but that isn’t the worst part.” It pained him to think about, fingers curling into his grandfathers shirt. “...I kissed Tonio. I kissed him, and he hates me now. He left."  
A sigh escaped Romulus’ lips, as he sat back on the couch, tugging his grandson onto his lap carefully, holding him close. “Lovino, honey. I need you to listen to me, alright?” He murmured. “He doesn’t hate you. He just got scared. But I think you should know…” A pause. “Antonio went back to Spain. My poor little Lovi, this must all be so confusing for you. There’s so much you don’t know, and you are so young. You know about Tonio’s little boy, si?”  
A small shaky nod. “Si. He told me after he and Gilly broke up… nonno, he was so upset… I had to hold him for days.”  
“I know, little one. And I know how much that must have hurt you. But Lovino.. my sweet little boy… you need to understand. Antonio has been through far more than you understand…. far more than I can explain. It’s not my story to tell.” Romulus himself had been told by the Spaniard when he had started working at the school and Romulus had taken the young man on as almost a grandson, like his own. “All I can say is, let him clear his head. If it is meant to be, it will be. Destiny always finds a way.” He told him softly.  
All Lovino could do was nod, curling into his grandfathers arms, his sobs finally quieting to low sniffles. Grandpa was right. If it was meant to be, his Tonio would come back. For now, all he could do was pray, wait, and cherish that one kiss he had received before everything fell apart.


	29. Chapter 28

Antonios heart was heavy. Coming home was so wonderful for him, he’d been missing it for ages. But it was so incredibly bittersweet as well. When his plane landed, his mother and brother were waiting. Isabela threw her delicate arms around her oldest sons neck, tugging him down to her height for a hug, cradling him against her. Letting go, she captured his face in her hands. “Let Mami look at you, baby.” She cooed, dark chocolate eyes roaming over his face. A wistful smile touched her lips. ‘You look more and more like your Papi every day, hijo.” Lightly patting his cheek, she let him go, his brother embracing him next.  
“It’s nice to have you home, hermano. It hasn’t been the same without you.” _It won’t ever be the same again._ The words hung unspoken in the air, a grim silence settling over the trio for a moment, as each took in a moment of remembrance for the missing member of their family. The last time the three had stood here together, in this very spot, there had been a sick but happy little boy cradled in his fathers arms, kissing his abuela and tios cheeks and telling them they wouldn’t be gone long, and that he’d keep Daddy safe in America.  
Miguel was the first to break the silence, voice far more meek than it normally would be. “Lets get you home, big bro. You’ve been away long enough.” All Antonio could do was nod his agreement, offering a weak smile at his mother when she wound her arms around his, a silent support. As she always had been.  
When they finally arrived at the house, Antonio found, much to his surprise, that a feeling of unimaginable dread had settled in his stomach. Unconsciously, his fingers lifted, lightly wrapping around the pendant at the base of his throat. He was safe. He had nothing to fear here.  
“Tonio, you can put your things in your old room, alright? We haven’t changed a thing. As if we could.” Isabela began. But Antonio wasn’t listening. He was walking down the hall as if in a trance, hand running along the wall, until it stopped at a door. His fingers shook as he ran them over the gold plated name on the door; Alejo. He wanted to stop. He wanted to turn around, walk down the hall to his room, and never pay attention to that horrible door. But he couldn’t move. All he could do was trace the wood, before finding the knob, turning it slowly.   
The door slid open with a creak, the very air feeling electric as Antonios feet moved without his permission, crossing the threshold of the room. He could have sworn he heard a voice, small, and so soft it could easily be mistaken for the wind, echoing throughout the room- _Welcome home, Daddy._ A shiver ran down his spine, a chill settling over him. If he could see, he was almost sure he’d be able to see his own breath. The room felt freezing to him, the solitary loneliness combining to make to feel more like a morgue than a childs bedroom.  
Another step, hands moving to shut the door behind him. He felt as though his movements weren’t his own, as his foot bumped into something. Leaning down, Antonio carefully picked it up. Alejo’s train. His beloved sons laughter echoed through his head. The boy had been so excited when Antonio had brought it home from work for him. The man who owned the fields he worked had given it to him as a birthday gift for Alejo, telling him that it had been his as a child. Alejo had sworn to protect it, and had always taken good care of it. It was then Antonio realized. Everything was _exactly_ where it had been left. The toys were all scattered in the same places small fingers had left them. Of course, it made sense. They hadn’t planned on being gone long. At first, Antonio had thought it would only be a few months. A year tops, and Alejo would be better, and they would be home. They had left in such a rush… all they had taken was a suitcase full of clothes. And by the time Alejo was gone…. well, it wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened. It had been too painful for Isabela. And so, the room had been closed up like a vault, everything preserved as it was.   
Antonio walked to the side of the bed, hesitant fingers reaching out, running along the neck of the guitar. Alejo had always loved it when he played. No matter what was wrong, no matter how upset or scared the child was, it always put him into a peaceful sleep..  
 _“No bed, no bed!” Four year old Alejo chanted, taking over dramatic steps on their large couch, giggling. The toddler was clad in his crimson onesie pajamas, his hair still damp from his bath. Antonio scooped the boy into his arms, raspberrying his cheek playfully, as he hoisted him over his shoulder, tickling his legs. “Yes bed, Yes bed! Come on, hijo. It’s already past your bedtime. We already watched a whole two cartoons past bedtime! If you aren’t careful, the sleep fairy won’t come give you magic kisses!”_  
Alejo gasped, hazel eyes widening. “We gotta go to bed, Daddy, come on, come on! If she doesn’t come, I won’t be lucky!” The twenty one year old laughed, carrying his son into his room, pulling back the covers and tucking him in, before reclining back on the bed beside the child, gently stroking through his hair. “Do you want me to sing you the song?” He asked, a smile on his lips. He already knew the answer, reaching for the guitar he kept by the childs bed.  
“Si, Daddy, Si!” He squealed, snuggling down into his covers excitedly. He loved it when Daddy sang for him. Antonio cuddled close to child, before beginning to lightly strum.  
“My dearest angel, close your eyes. Cuddle close, it’s sleepytime. The heavens guard you from above. And here, protecting you is my love.” He sang softly. He could tell from the soft yawns that his sons eyes were growing heavy, could feel the boy shift in his arms. “And in the morning, when you wake, we’ll be together once more. Always and forever is my promise to you, your hand in mine, and my heart with yours.” When he was finished, he set the guitar down, moving to lean down and kiss his beloved little boys head. “I love you so much. Sleep sweet, Lejo.”  
Antonio picked the guitar up, moving to sit on the bed the way he always had, but of course, the most important piece was missing. His voice cut through the air as he began to sing, fingers strumming on the strings gently. Tears streamed down his cheeks, he didn’t even notice them. He made it half way through before his voice cracked, and still, he forced himself to continue. If he was lucky, maybe Alejo would hear him in heaven, and remember that his Daddy loved him more than anything else. The last word came out as a crackle, a broken sob, as Antonio broke down. The guitar fell to the floor with a crash, the man leaning forward and letting out an agonized wail. He wanted his baby back! It wasn’t fair that someone so dear, so little, had been taken! Why couldn’t it have been him instead!?  
Hearing the clatter, Miguel and Isabela came running. But opening the door, they both froze. What could they say? Both had mourned, had dealt with their grief. The young father had not. “Why!?” Antonio screamed, tilting his head up towards the heavens. “Why did you take him!? I promised him! I promised he’d get better!!” Silently, he stood, wiping at his eyes, quietly walking past his family. He moved outside, walking to the flower shop down the street. When he returned, there was, a large bouquet of forget-me-nots in his hands. Walking back into the room, he began to spread them out. Some on Alejos pillow, others on the bench of teddy bears. “I remember.” He whispered.


	30. Chapter 29

The cold winter night air normally would have calmed and relaxed Antonio. But not tonight. Being home was much harder than he had expected. The Spaniard had expected that coming back to  
this place would clear his head. He had prayed he’d finally be able to get Lovino out of his thoughts, to stop hearing the heartbreak in the boys voice when Antonio had panicked. But, such was not the case.   
Antonio sighed as he moved to the window off the far side of his bedroom, opening it carefully, stepping out onto the second floor balcony. Carefully, he climbed onto the railing, gripping the edge of the roof and hauling himself up onto it. To anyone who didn’t know him, it would seem incredibly dangerous for him to do this, especially without sight. He had been doing this, however, since he was fifteen. Once on the slightly slanted rooftop, he lay back, snow forming around his jacket, as the cold air chilled his skin. His head tipped up towards the sky, a sigh escaping his lips. How had it come to all of this? He had just wanted to protect Lovino. And he had thought he had been doing a good job of it.   
But somewhere along the line, his heart had decided Lovino meant more to him then he had ever considered possible. He had fallen in love with him.  
 _God, how could I have been so stupid? He’s a child!_ He thought. Except that wasn’t exactly true. Lovino was just months away from eighteen, definitely old enough to decide for himself what he felt.   
He couldn’t help but feel comforted though. Even though there was an ocean between them, Antonio still felt like maybe they weren’t all the far apart. He could almost imagine Lovino’s fingers brushing through his hair as he rested in the wet snow, the Italian’s voice softly scolding him. And he found himself wondering-  
Was Lovino thinking about him too?   
Antonio missed the boy. More than he should. More than he wanted to. He breathed out softly, lifting his cold hands and resting them on his chest, over his heart, his fingers sliding upwards to clasp his necklace, lifting it to his lips and kissing it softly. _I love you._ Finally, after almost a year of trying to figure out what he felt, of denying and hiding it, he confessed it to himself. _Lovino, I love you. I love you and I know I hurt you. But it’s for the best. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is strong. Who can protect you. You deserve someone who isn’t scared to treasure you. I don’t even know anymore…_ The thoughts troubled him, tears rolling down his cheeks and freezing without the man noticing. _Your grandfather seems to think I’ve helped you in some great way. That I’ve fixed you. But I’m not so sure. Am I really a part of your cure, corazon? Am I what can cure that damaged heart of yours? No… I think I’m part of your heartache disease. I hurt you. You cried, and I left. I ran._  
Stars. It occurred to him all at once. People wished on stars, and the stars granted their wishes, right? Antonio prayed it was true, as he took a deep breath, before whispering his wish into the night sky.  
“Please let Lovino be happy. Dios, that is all I want. Even if he hates me, even if he never thinks of me again. Let him be safe, and happy.”  
Antonio could only silently pray the stars heard him.  
Lovino had never been more confused, or heartbroken. He couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, all he knew was Antonio had left. _Did I drive you away too?_ Tears fighting to escape, the teen moved to the windowsill of what had been their room, Signore Teddykins clutched in his arms, clad in one of Antonio’s sweaters, as he curled up on it, opening the glass panes carefully to feel the air hit his face, forcing a shuddered breath from his lips. “Toni…” He whispered into the night, as he pulled his knees to his chin. Had he misread the signs? Had he thought there was more there when there wasn’t? Antonio had kissed him. Or had he kissed Antonio? Honestly, he just wasn’t sure anymore. He’d been replaying that moment over and over in his mind since the man he loved so dearly had left, and all he truly knew was his heart had shattered when he heard the other panic, when he heard that door slam.   
It hadn’t stopped hurting in the three weeks Antonio had been gone. _Do you miss me at all? He thought. I love you. Antonio, I know you don’t think I know what I’m saying. But I just want you to come home. It’s cold without you!_ A hiccuped sob fell from the teenager’s lips, and then another, as he desperately wound his arms around himself. If he tried hard enough, concentrated as much as he could, he could almost pretend they were Antonio’s arms, protecting him.   
Grandpa had told him that Antonio had gone back to Spain. Meaning there was an ocean between them, a seemingly impenetrable barrier. Lovino remembered that it wasn’t though. The same, merciful night sky watched over them both. The same moon kissed both of their faces, even if neither could see it.  
 _Please come home. I know how scared you are. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize from the start that you were broken too. That you harbored even more pain than I do. I never considered that your smile could be false. Even before the accident, you always seemed so bright. So vibrant, and full of life. It was impossible to even imagine that you were hurting so much… oh Toni… Toni, my precious precious protector. I want to help you. I want to protect you the way you have protected me, to help you heal. I can’t take away your pains. But I want to be the one to hold you when the nightmares fill you with fear. To kiss away your tears when the memories seize your heart.  
But it’s too late now, isn’t it?_ His sobs increased, his body shuddering as he buried his face in the bear clinging to the last bit of Antonio’s scent that the soft fabric retained. “I miss you… mio amore..” The teen fell asleep like that, curled up on the sill, that sweater clutched to his tear stained face as if it was the only safety net he had. Which truthfully- it was.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaa tfw you've had a story done for months and simply forgot to upload it >..

Feliciano was incredibly worried. He had never seen his brother acting like this! Lovino didn’t smile. He didn’t speak. His attitude wasn’t even sour like it had been before he met Antonio. He was simply lifeless, flat. Romulus and Feliciano had to force him to eat, and Feli had moved into his brothers dorm, holding him close as the nightmares struck, his heart breaking for the older as he heard Lovino scream out Antonios name, pleading for him to come home. Lovino had more than a crush on the Spaniard, Feliciano finally decided, if he was still this upset after six weeks. The fifteen year old simply couldn’t bear it anymore.   
“Nonno.” He murmured quietly. “We need to do something. This had gone on too long. I’m scared fratello is going to get very very sick if he doesn’t stop being so sad.” Fingers stabbed through auburn locks in frustration, honey eyes welling with tears of concern. “May I use your phone? I want to text big brother Tonio.”  
Romulus paused, before handing his youngest grandson his cellphone. “What are you going to say?” He asked curiously. The man was proud of how Feliciano was standing up for Lovino, and taking charge to ensure his brothers wellbeing. Romulus trusted that Feliciano would be fair and delicate. He knew the fifteen year old was much smarter than he ever chose to let on.  
“I want to clear up all this misunderstanding once and for all so they both stop hurting…” He murmured, cradling the phone in his hand as he skimmed through the contacts until he found the number he needed. “They don’t mean to hurt each other this way, grandpa, they are both just too scared to let what they feel take over.”  
Romulus couldn’t help but smile at his grandson, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “That is very very true.” He agreed. “Tell me, Feli, when did you get so smart?”   
Feliciano simply grinned, before starting to type out his text.  
 ** _Ciao, Mister Toni! It’s Feliciano on grandpas phone. How is Spain? Is it pretty in the winter? I bet it is, I wanna see! Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something very very important, so I hope you aren’t busy right now!_**  
The boy read it aloud to his grandfather, curling up crosslegged on the couch before hitting send. He could only hope this would help.   
Antonio had been keeping his brother company while the younger shovelled the driveway for his mother when his phone went off. He was confused, who would possibly be texting him? When the narrator program that read him his text said Romulus, Antonio could almost feel his heart stop in his chest. Why would Romulus be texting him? There was no reason to, and Antonio hadn’t heard from anyone in America since he had left. Is something wrong with Lovi!? Almost instantly, the Spaniard began to panic, until the voice read him the message. It confused him even more. Feliciano said he needed to talk to him about something important…  
Nimble fingers flew over the keys as he quickly typed out a reply, tongue peeking out from the corner of his mouth in concentration.  
 ** _Hey Feliciano, what a nice surprise to hear from you. I can’t exactly tell if it’s pretty or not, but the snow is soft and fluffy, and the trees are like ice sculptures! It’s one of my favorite times of year. No, no, I’m not busy. I’m teasing my brother, Miguel, about having to shovel the driveway for our mom. What’s up? I hope nothing is wrong- Lovino is alright, right?_**  
“Oi, Hermano, who are you texting?” Miguel asked curiously, sticking the shovel in the snow before moving to the porch to sit on the swing beside his elder brother. “Everything alright?” Miguel worried for his brother. He worried a lot. Both he and his mother had always been protective of Antonio, but after the death of Alejo- As much as Miguel had been devastated by losing his sweet little nephew, he knew his brother had lost a large piece of himself. He had been so proud of his son, so proud of being a father. And Antonio had worked hard too, to make something of himself so someday, Alejo would be proud of him.   
And now there was this boy.  
Miguel had known from the start that his brother felt more than just affection for Lovino. He could hear it in his voice, the way he would sound like his old self again when he talked about Lovino. He had been worried though, and for good cause. Antonio couldn’t always figure out emotions easily, and he felt guilt very easily. The twenty one year old and his mother simply hadn’t wanted him to get hurt, not again.  
“I’m not sure.” Antonio replied. “It’s Feliciano, Lovinos little brother. You don’t think something is wrong with mi Lovinito, do you!?” His head tilted up towards his brother, face looking so innocent and scared that Miguel couldn’t help but wind an arm around the elders shoulder, kissing his head lightly. “I’m sure everything is fine. You… You really love that boy, don’t you, Tonio?” Miguels voice was soft, soothing as he brushed his fingers through his brothers curls.  
“More than anything.” Antonio agreed. “But I’m no good for him, Miguel. He’s young, and sweet. He needs someone strong enough to protect him, he’s been through so much already. I’m not strong enough. I’ve never been strong enough. I couldn’t even protect my own son.”  
It broke Miguels heart hearing his brother say that. “Antonio Fernandez Carriedo Damario de Romeo y Serafin Christovilla de Domenico Abrego y de la Ruquena Serratio da Lascano y Villasenor, you listen to me, and you listen carefully.” Antonios head shot up in surprise, his mother used his full name only when he was in serious trouble, but his brother had never said it before. “You did everything in your power to protect Alejo. You brought him to America, to the hospital. You supported him, stayed by his side and loved him. He died knowing he was his Daddys world. You aren’t God though, Tonio. You can’t take away sickness, no matter how hard you want to. What happened was not your fault. And this boy- Lovino. He would be lucky to have you. Young yes, but didn’t you say he turns eighteen soon? Now why don’t you wait and see what’s wrong, and then maybe reconsider, because if his brother is texting you after six weeks, I’d be willing to bet it pertains to that.”  
Feliciano read the text aloud, glancing up to his grandfather hesitantly. “Should I tell him the truth? I think he deserves to know how Lovi is really doing.”  
Romulus nodded slowly. “I agree Feliciano. I trust your judgement on this situation, do as you will.” Honestly, all Romulus wanted was to see his little Lovino smile again. and Antonio was the only one who could do that, he knew that much.  
Feliciano nodded, taking a moment to figure out how to word it, before beginning to text out his reply.   
**_Not really. Mister Toni, he’s a mess. He doesn’t eat unless we make him. He doesn’t sleep. He spends his days lying in his bed, sobbing until we wonder how he can possibly have any tears left. When he does leave his bed for doctors appointments and things like that, he wears your sweaters, and we can not get him to go anywhere without Signore Teddykins. He misses you so much, he’s broken hearted without you. That’s why I need to ask, to know once and for all. Are you in love with my brother? If not, I need you to tell me so we can start doing damage control. But if you do… then we can start figuring out how we are going to fix my big brother. I don’t like seeing him like this, it hurts me, and both grandpa and I agree- you were the only one who could bring out his smile and share it with others._ **  
Antonio was too nervous and panicky to let the narrator read the text to him this time. Instead, he shoved the phone into his brothers hands. “What does it say!?” He questioned. As Miguel read, Antonio could feel tears pricking at unseeing eyes, running down his face just to freeze like a thousand knives on his face. His heart ached in his chest at the realization- Lovino really loved him. The boy hadn’t been confused, hadn’t been trying to use him as a rebound after Ulrich. Lovino truly loved him. And he had abandoned the boy after promising not to. A soft sob fell from his lips, and then another, as he took his phone back in his hands. It was time to be honest. No more denial. No more running.  
 ****** _Truthfully, Feli? I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. Your brother means everything to me. I’d die for him, if it meant he never frowned. That’s why I left. I thought I was doing the right thing. I swear that much to you Feliciano. It broke my heart too, I miss him so much. I miss the way his hair smells. I miss how it feels to have his arms around me, his laugh ringing in my ears. I miss feeling his fingers running through my hair. God, I miss his voice more than anything else. But I thought it was protecting him. I was so certain I was taking advantage of him, that I was manipulating him into feeling what I wanted him to. I didn’t think there was any way my beautiful angel could possibly love me, not really. I got scared, Feliciano. I didn’t think I was strong enough to protect him, and so I ran. It was cowardly and stupid of me, but I did. And now? God, all I want is to come back to him._**  
When Feliciano saw the text, his face lit up, eagerly showing it to his grandfather. “I knew it. I absolutely knew it! Nonno, I have a plan. If we can pull it off, it should bring fratellos smile back. But I’ll have to talk it over with Antonio to make sure he is okay with it too. If he agrees, we’ll need to make sure Lovino doesn’t find out about it. But I know, oh, I just know it will be perfect!”  
Romulus listened intently to his youngest grandsons plan, a smile breaking out across his face in spite of himself. Yes. That could work. That could work quite well actually. But it meant they wouldn’t have much time, only a month, and there was a lot to be done. He knew Antonio would agree, he was just as eager to fix Lovino as they were, that much was clear from the sincere words in his reply. “Then go ahead and tell him, little one. Lets get this show on the road.”  
Moments later, and an ocean away, Antonio made his brother read him the text twice, just to make sure he had heard it properly. That was perfect, and the smile that lit up his face was genuine for the first time in weeks. “That’s perfect. That’s absolutely perfect.” All the Spanish man could do was pray that it worked. He was nervous of course, this could go pretty badly for him. But to make Lovino smile, that was a risk he was willing to take. His fingers flew over the keys as he replied. They had a lot of work to do.


	32. Chapter 32

Lovino should have been happy. His body should have been tingling with excitement, his nerve endings on fire. After all, turning eighteen was a big deal, right? But Lovino felt nothing but cold. He had tried to put on a cheerful front for his brother and grandfather. He smiled, laughing along with them as best he could. But even to his own ears, it sounded hollow.   
The three had stayed up all night, blowing up balloons, Feliciano rambling on about how he had picked out the perfect outfit for both he and Lovino, and how maybe Ludwig would give him a kiss for his birthday. The elder Vargas had simply sighed, wringing his hands together. He had been unable to see the excited grins on both Feliciano and Romulus’ faces. It was something the two were grateful for, knowing Lovino would have become suspicious. They didn’t want to give the surprise away, and it was already hard enough to keep their mouths shut.  
And so the day of the party had come.  
Lovino had gotten dressed in the white button down, form fitting black vest, and denim jeans his brother had laid out for him, sighing quietly as he brushed his fingers through his hair. Three months already he had been without his Toni. And the ache had yet to get any better. It was good, he supposed, that he learnt young what true heartache felt like. Now nothing else would ever feel as bad.  
“Ready to go, fratello!?” Feliciano chirped excitedly, taking the elders hand with a smile. He was so excited, knowing today would be the day he’d be able to see his beloved brother smile again. By his math, everything should already have been in place. The now sixteen year old as determined to make this the best birthday Lovino had ever had. After all, he had some guilt over his brothers lack of happy birthday memories.  
Feliciano had never realized the way his parents treated Lovino when they were small. His parents doted on him, often gracing him with presents, and praise. The little boy had become spoiled, and while he was sweet in demeanor, always kind, he had been unable to look past the things he was receiving to wonder about his brother. He had assumed Mama and Papa had done the same for Lovino. How could he have been expected to know better? He was just a toddler, happy for shiny new things.   
But Lovino didn’t get birthday parties. Not like Feliciano did. On their birthday, Lovino got a stale brownie thrown on a plate, and was sent to his room so he didn’t interrupt Felicianos party. Feliciano had, of course, been curious. But upon asking his mother and father, he was simply told that his big brother was a bad boy, not like him, and that bad boys don’t get cake and presents and parties. Over time, he began to hate his brother, believing only his parents words. Lovino was a bad boy, who made Mama and Papa upset! He didn’t deserve to share Felicianos toys, and his pictures needed to go in the trash, not on the fridge. Only good boys pictures went on the fridge!  
This resentment had only grown when their parents were killed. Feliciano was only six, he didn’t understand Death. But he understood the aunties and uncles, distant relatives, all telling him Mama and Papa weren’t coming back. He had decided almost immediately it was Lovinos fault. Lovino hadn’t behaved, and Mama and Papa had left! At the funeral, he had walked to the darker haired boy and kicked him right in the shin, as hard as he could. Before Lovino could even react, Feliciano had started to cry, a little smile touching his lips when one of the aunties had lifted him into her arms, yelling angrily at Lovino.   
It had changed only when their grandfather had taken them in. Grandpa didn’t ignore Lovino. He called him a good boy, praised him the same as he did Feliciano. But Lovino had changed. Before, when Feliciano would yell at Lovino, his brother would still smile at him sadly, and pat his head, telling him he loved him. Lovino didn’t say I love you to anyone any more. He didn’t smile. Instead he cursed at Feliciano, even when the child tried being nice. Feliciano didn’t like this new big brother! He wanted his back! And so he had begun to smile at the older, to treat him kindly once more. Lovino never returned it. He didn’t trust him, Feliciano realized upon reflection, and rightfully so.  
But today was the day he made it all up to Lovino.  
“Si, si, I’m ready.” Lovino murmured, giving his brothers hand an unconscious little squeeze. Fifteen minutes later, they were at the firehall, where the party was being hosted. Many of Felicianos friends were there, all greeting him cheerfully, wishing him a happy birthday. Lovino didn’t have too many. He had only invited Ulrich, Alfred, Matthew, and Michelle, the only people he really spent time with other than Antonio and his family. But it was enough. It wasn’t like the one person he wanted there the most would come.  
Soon enough, it was time for cake. Feliciano blew out his half of the candles, his voice soft and sweet as he spoke to his brother. “Make a wish, fratello. Whatever you want the most in the whole world, and keep it in your heart. It might come true.” He whispered in in a stage-whisper, winking at his grandfather and nodding. It was almost time.  
Lovino paused, head tilting up towards his brother. Candles let wishes come true?? Even if it was a selfish wish? Well it was his birthday after all. Maybe, just maybe it’d be granted! “Really?” He asked softly, awe in his voice. Turning back to the cake, he took a deep breath. _I wish my Toni would come home._ With that, he blew out the candles, the first smile he had shown in months appearing on his lips.   
Romulus approached them, laying a hand on Lovino’s shoulders. “Boys, I have some bad news.” The huge grin on his lips betrayed his words, but he kept his voice steady, making sure it didn’t sound off. Everyone at the party had already been made aware of what they were doing. “The musician we hired had to cancel last moment. But don’t worry, I found someone else I think you’ll like just as much.” As he spoke, the soft hum of a guitar being strummed began to float through the air.  
At first, Lovino paid it no attention, moving to sit at one of the tables with his friends, resting his head in his arms. His heart ached. There really was no way his wish was going to come true, was there? However, the moment the singing began, Lovinos head shot up, his face in disbelief. He knew that voice! But there was no way…  
 _“Yo te quiero regalar palabras, ser tu red para cuando caigas, cogerte de la mano al andar.”_ The voice was soft, soothing, and instantly, Lovino felt himself relax. Tears welled in his eyes, he wanted to run. To hide himself in the bathroom, lock the door, and sob until that voice left his head. He was mistaken. It was an illusion, no more, but in spite of telling himself that, the eighteen year old was absolutely entranced. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. All he could do was listen, silently crying as the song continued. _“Y decirte cosas al oído, ser tu manta cuando tengas frío y ser tu hombro para llorar.”_  
Lovino had spent enough time with Antonio to pick up the older mans language, and it took him only a moment of searching through his thoughts to be able to understand the songs lyrics. _“Por ti mi vida empeño, por un momento de verte sonreír. Por ti mi alma vendo, a cambio del tiempo que necesites para ser feliz.”_ Lovinos heart pounded in his chest, did he dare believe-? He knew that voice. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. The music came closer and closer, until it was right in front of him.   
_“Dejo todo por un beso tuyo, quiero ser tu espada y tu escudo, decirte que te quiero una vez más. Quiero ser tus alas y tu cielo, quiero ser el mar y tu velero, el suelo y tus pies para caminar.”_ All eyes were on Lovino now, he could practically feel them boring into him. As the song ended, he could hear the soft clatter of a guitar being laid out on the ground carefully. A hand, large and calloused from years of hard work reached out and captured his own, moving to cradle it against a firm chest. “Lovi…” The voice whispered.   
Lovino couldn’t hold back any longer. He threw himself forward into Antonios arms, sobbing softly as the other held him close, stroking through his hair lovingly. “You’re here.. Tonio, you’re really here!” He cried out, his hands moving to feel the others face, tracing the contours he so loved. Even if Antonio never spoke, Lovino would always know him instantly.  
“Lovino Vargas.” Antonio’s voice echoed through the hall, everyone holding their breaths, leaning forward in their chairs, none more than Feliciano and Romulus. “I love you, mi vida. I’m so sorry I took so long… I was so stupid and scare that I’d lose you, that I pushed you away myself. But never again. I’m yours for as long as you want.” The Spaniard swore, his deep rich voice clear and sincere. “If you’ll still have me, that is…” He continued, a shy tone beginning to creep its way into his voice.  
Lovino was silent a moment, nuzzling into the hand that now cradled his cheek. He didn’t answer, instead winding his arms around his beloveds neck, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss “Oh Tonio… amore mio, you foolish foolish man. Of course I still want you. I’ll always want you. I love you.”  
Antonio kissed back with everything he had in him, ignoring the cheers that began around them. It all melted away, until there was nothing but them, a sense of joy washing over each for the first time in months. Finally, they were together again. Antonio led Lovino to the dance floor, cradling him close as the real band began to play, swaying with him softly. Lovinos head rested on his chest, Antonios cheek snuggled into the Italians hair as they danced, his arms around him protectively, lovingly.   
And for the first time in sixteen years, Lovino Vargas smiled on his birthday. How could he not? His wish had come true.


	33. Chapter 33

Lovino yawned as he sat up, stretching as the first sounds of morning danced in his ears. The birds chirping sounded like the most beautiful music, and Lovino couldn’t help but smile. The eighteen year old leaned down, pressing his lips to Antonios lightly, a squeaked laugh escaping him as he felt two strong arms wind around him, tugging him so he lay sprawled on the older mans chest. “Mmm… Morning, mi vida.” Antonio purred, his voice husky with sleep, fingers dancing over the others back.   
Lovino dipped his head, kissing the other again. How different it was to wake up in the others arms and know he was loved! “Good morning to you too, Mister Sleepyhead.” He teased, cuddling into him happily. “You know, some of us have to get up for school.” He started to move off the other, laughing as Antonio groaned, tugging him back down. “Ten more minutes.” He mumbled. “Lemme hold you a while.”   
It was still so new to both of them, being able to confess their love openly, to be able to kiss their beloved. Two weeks had already flown by since they had been reunited, and it had been hard to separate them. Antonio had decided it was best if he didn’t come back to teaching full time until september, so that it wasn’t a conflict of interest, since he was now with Lovino.   
Antonio moved to sit up a bit, keeping Lovino cuddled into his chest as he did so, kissing his head, and the teen could practically hear his boyfriends grin. “Do you know what today is, mi amado?”  
Lovino wound his arms aro n4und his boyfriends neck, leaning forward to rub noses with the other. “Not a clue, what is it?” He hummed out, a smile tugging at his lips, as he ran his fingers through silky curls. God, how he had missed the feeling when they were apart! Now every touch was electric, making Lovino feel more alive than he ever had before. He never wanted to let this feeling go.   
“Aww, Lovi! I’m hurt!” Antonio pouted slightly, and the teen couldn’t help but brush his fingers over the others lower lip, feeling the full, moist skin. “Today is one year since I started living with you! It’s our anniversary of being anything more than teacher and student, and your one year anniversary of opening up to anyone! I think we should ditch school today, and go on a date. I bet if I called your grandpa, he’d excuse you.”  
A laugh escaped the Italians lips. “Alright, alright. You text Nonno, and let me go get dressed, si?” He stole one last kiss, before moving off the bed, grabbing an outfit from the closet and starting to get changed. Antonio did as he was told, getting the go ahead as he suspected he would. “Where would you like to go, my love?” Antonio hummed, moving behind the boy and winding his arms around his waist. He let out a contented sigh, savoring the feeling of the others cotton sweater brushing along his fingertips, every ridge and dip like canyons for his hands to explore. He could make out the others flat stomach underneath, Lovino was still too thin for Antonio to not worry, but he’d began eating properly again, and was starting to gain some weight back.  
Lovinos face tilted upwards, nose brushing the taller mans jaw playfully. “We could go for a walk?” He suggested, causing Antonio to giggle. “Silly Lovi, listen! It’s raining out!” Sure enough, rain trickled down the window, tapping a nice melody on the glass. It wasn’t a downfall, just a light shower. “I know. One of my dreams has always been to be kissed in the rain.” He informed the elder. “Besides, it’s a warm rain today. I want to feel it on my skin!”   
“Alright, alright. Change out of the sweater into a t-shirt then, can’t feel it through all that.” Antonio finally relented, waiting until the boy had shirked his sweater before leading him outside. The moment they got outside, Lovino grabbed Antonios hand, laughing as he drug him into the field on the other side of the driveway of their building. The eighteen year old spun happily, his arms outstretched. The rain felt just cool enough to be refreshing, a smile budding on Lovinos lips as he felt every individual droplet caress his skin. It was glorious. He’d always loved rain, but now, he was hyper alert to it. This was possibly the best feeling in the world, he decided. His t-shirt quickly became soaked, sticking to his skin. An involuntary shiver ran through him when Antonios arms wound around him, hands sliding up the wet fabric to tease the skin underneath. Hot lips contrasted the cool moist skin of Lovinos throat, as Antonio nipped down lightly, tongue darting out to capture the beading droplets that rested there.  
He caught the younger males hand, spinning him lightly, a beautiful, husky laugh slipping from his lips as they began dancing in the shower. It amazed Lovino, how the cool droplets sizzled on his skin that felt like it was on fire. All of his worries melted away, until he could truly savor the feeling of it falling on his face, dripping from auburn locks onto his nose. He gripped Antonios hand tightly, spinning out and back in against his chest, a happy noise escaping his lips. His foot slipped out from under him on the slick grass, nimble fingers balling into Antonios shirt as he fell back, taking the Spaniard with him. “Are you alright?” Antonio asked softly, making sure he wasn’t hurt, half atop him. “Si.. I’m alright.” He murmured. “Good. Then I don’t feel bad about doing this…” The older man murmured, cradling his cheek and caressing it lightly, the cool droplets tickling his fingers. Antonio dipped his head, capturing the boys mouth in a heated kiss, their tongues twining and mingling, fingers grasping onto one another almost desperately. It would go no farther. Both knew it, and allowed themselves to indulge in this guilty little pleasure.  
“Happy anniversary, Lovinito… here’s to our next one being a year of being together.” Antonio murmured, as Lovino wound his arms around him, peppering his face in kisses before falling back once more, laughing sweetly as he let the rain wash over his body, Antonio laying beside him and doing the same, the two content to enjoy the April showers and each others company.


	34. Chapter 34

Ulrich sat in the booth of the fast food restaurant he and his friends were currently in, chin in his hands, eyes locked on Lovino as Alfred rambled on and on about something- Ulrich didn’t care to find out what. The color had returned to his cheeks. He looked much less sallow, and healthier than he had two months ago. He had even returned to his previous weight.   
The German teen had incredibly mixed feelings regarding the whole situation. Six months had passed since he and Lovino had decided it would be best to break up. He had let the only person he had ever loved go so that he could be happy- and Antonio had gone and broken his heart. That fucking bastard. Ulrichs hatred for the Spaniard had grown to almost unbearable levels when he had found out what happened. Lovino had come crying to him. Of course he had, Ulrich was his best friend, and had held him tightly as he sobbed. He was still so incredibly angry at Antonio for that. He was angry at himself- no. Not angry. Disappointed in himself, that he couldn’t cheer the Italian up. He’d been unable to convince him to eat, had been helpless against the tears that had streamed down Lovinos face. And most predominantly- relief. It was so good to see the younger boy smiling again. Ulrich found himself not even caring that it was Antonio who was able to do what he couldn’t. As long as Lovino was happy.   
“Hey Lov?” He questioned, cutting Alfred off. “Can I ask you something?” He paused a moment, before taking a breath, violet eyes flickering over the boy across the table. He still wore Ulrichs ring, something that made the German happier than it maybe should have. “Are you really really happy with Antonio? Like- do you really one hundred percent can’t think of anyone else no matter how hard you try love him?” He had been wanting to ask this since the Spaniard came back, needed to get how he felt off his chest before it suffocated him.  
Lovino flushed red, fidgeting with his fingers as he nodded. “Yeah, I do. When he was gone, it felt as though everything was surreal. Time moved slower. Everything felt cold, lifeless. Food was unappealing. I have never felt that broken before, and I do mean never.” He murmured shyly. “But now that he’s back.. when he holds me, my heart pounds so hard in my chest I worry it will break free. When he kisses me, and strokes my hair, all my fears, all my doubts melt away into nothingness.”  
Ulrich was silent a moment, processing the others words in his head over and over again, as he tried to ignore the pang in his chest. “When he left you… and you came crying in my arms… I was…” He hesitated a moment, trying to find the right words. “I was so incredibly angry. Not at you. Never at you, Lov, you know I couldn’t be. But I gave you up so he could have you.. and he threw you away.. and hurt you. I have never wanted to hit someone so badly in my entire life.” Ulrich confessed. “Even now.. I’m still so mad at him, because he hurt the one person I cherish- you.” The boy shut his eyes a moment, composing himself. “Lovino. I need you to listen carefully to me, alright? As long as he makes you happy, I will absolutely support you in this. But if I ever see one tear in your eye that is not of joy, that he has caused, you are not to stop me from clocking him. Understand?”  
The Italian flushed red, nodding his agreement. “I understand, Ully. But I know he won’t. I promise. He’ll take good care of me.” He had not an ounce of doubt in his mind about that. Antonio loved him completely. He was too sincere to lie about that.   
“And Lovino?” Ulrich sighed out softly, idly tugging at a lock of blonde hair. “If you ever need me… for anything at all.. you know where I am. I’m always here for you.” He swore. “Always.”


	35. Chapter 35

This could either go very well, or very poorly. That thought was on Antonios mind, as he thought out over and over again what he was going to say, fingers pressing the keys of his cell phone over and over. Every time he thought he had it, he second guessed himself, quickly erasing it. Finally he settled for _**Need to see you all asap. It’s important.- Toni.**_ Hitting send, he sat back, waiting for replies. He had sent it to Francois, Gilbert, Romulus, Feliciano, and each of Lovinos friends including Ulrich. He hated to involve the blonde in this scheme- but he knew that he couldn’t do it alone.  
Two hours later, they were all sitting in the dorm room, Ulrichs arms crossed over his chest as he scowled. “Why the fuck did you need to see us all? You better fucking not be leaving Lovi again. Didn’t you already hurt him enough?” He spat. Antonio couldn’t help but flinch at the others words and the venom dripping from them. Guilt momentarily struck him, and he forced it back. He was making it up to Lovino!  
“No no, nothing like that!” The Spaniard said firmly, stabbing his fingers through his hair. “I am never going to leave Lovino again. Ever. Actually, I need all of your help.” He took a deep breath, cheeks flushing red as he continued to speak. “As you all know, Lovino is graduating this year. He’s worked so hard, and been through so much, I wanted to do something extra special for him.” Antonio explained shyly, fidgeting. “I’ve got it all planned out, I just can’t pull it all off alone.”  
Romulus raised a brow, looking at Gilbert as if to say, Do you know what he is talking about? The silver haired man shook his head, crimson eyes twinkling with curiosity. He and Antonio had slowly mended their friendship, and after about six months, Gilbert had started dating Francois. So far, it was going well. The two were happy, and Francois made Gilbert feel more loved than he ever had before.  
A large grin broke across Antonios face, as he began to quickly explain. The Spaniard could feel his cheeks heating up, but he was too happy to care. Antonio found himself slightly nervous as well- mostly for Romulus’ reaction. If Romulus didn’t give his blessing for this, he wouldn’t feel right doing it.  
When he was doing explaining, he sat back to listen to the reactions. “Oh my gosh, that’s so exciting! Count us in, we definitely want to help.” Michelle told him, Matthew and Alfred agreeing. “Lovi dude will be so surprised! I bet he’ll even cry!”   
“Don’t you dare fucking hurt him again.” That was all Ulrich could say. “I’ll help… for Lovi. But if you ever make him upset again, I will fucking kill you.” Gilbert rolled his eyes slightly, wrapping an arm around his brothers shoulder and squeezing lightly. He knew how much Ulrich still loved Lovino, and was so proud of him for sacrificing for the person he loved. “It’s ok..” He murmured quietly, kissing the blondes head.  
Feliciano was overjoyed. This- this would make his brother more happy than anything else ever possibly could. He knew Antonio was dead serious about this. He could see absolutely no doubt on the mans face, and the nervousness was pretty justified, he thought. After all, this was a huge deal. Still, he felt the need to ask. “Are you absolutely sure?” There was no hesitation as Antonio nodded. He had not a doubt in his mind that this was what he wanted.  
“Then you have my full blessing, and support to go ahead with this. I’ll help you however you need.” Romulus told him. The reactions seemed to be unanimous- the plan was a go.


	36. Chapter 36

Lovino paced nervously, nibbling his lip. This was it. Graduation day. Everything that Lovino had worked so hard for accumulated into this one nerve-wracking day. The Italian had been surprised when he had been named valedictorian- but no one else was. There were no accusations of favoritism from the headmaster. Everyone knew Lovino had worked harder than anyone else. He had recovered from his accident, learnt braille, and still gotten the highest marks in their grade, despite having been put months behind.. And grade twelve was no different. Even when he was suffering without Antonio, he still came to school, and made himself focus. It was honestly quite impressive. He had taught himself to paint again as well, although no one but Grandpa, Ulrich, and Feliciano were allowed to see them yet. All his hard work had been paid off.  
And so, Lovino had spent the past week working with Antonio diligently to write his speech. "What if I mess up?" He asked Antonio worriedly, curled up against the older mans chest on the couch. "You won't mess up." Antonio promised, kissing his head.  
"What if I trip on my gown and everyone makes fun of me!?" He had so many concerns. The boy knew that everything was alright, but still, it was natural to worry. He was being given a big honor, and with that came the responsibility of making a speech in front of all his peers, staff, and parents. He had edited and revised the speech at least fifteen times, Antonio sitting faithfully beside him each time, letting the Italian teen read it out to him over and over again. "You'll do perfect." The Spaniard had murmured, kissing his head. That was all it had taken to soothe his fears.  
Today was another story.  
"Are you sure I look ok?" He asked for what must have been the billionth time. His grandfather chuckled, straightening the tassle on his hat, and the sash on his gown. "You look incredible. My little Lovino, I have never been more proud of you then I am today. When you go onto the stage to give your speech, you hold your head high, and you go with confidence. You have earned this, and you will do amazing." Romulus told him, kissing his head before letting go. Antonio was next, taking his boyfriend into his arms and holding him tight. "Be brave, mi vida. I'll be listening to everything you say. Just pretend it's like we did at home. Just us, alright? You'll do perfect, I have every faith in you." The Spaniard let him go, kissing him softly for luck before sending him to line up in the other room with the rest of his classmates.  
Romulus waited until his grandson was out of ear shot, before turning into Antonio. "All of our parts are in place and ready to go. You ready?"  
Antonio grinned, nodding. "All ready. Incredibly incredibly nervous though. I mean… this is pretty nerve wracking. But I'm far more excited than I am scared. Romulus, there isn't a single doubt in my mind."  
"Good." The older man chuckled, patting Antonio on the back warmly. "You'll do fine, my boy. You remember your cue, right? His classmates already know their parts, we went over it before he got here. Everyone seems so excited to help with this, Toni. I'm not sure you two realize just how many people care about the both of you, and want your well-being and happiness. Besides." He snorted lightly. "We all saw it coming. Feliciano and I knew back last May, and Gilbert and Francois realized shortly thereafter. We were so frustrated with you two for so long, we couldn't understand how you two didn't seem to get it. So, I'm awfully glad you both finally got it through your thick skulls." He teased.  
Antonio laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as Romulus fixed the black tie around the Spaniards neck. "My mom always did tell me how oblivious I was. I guess she was right, huh?"  
"Are you talking about your Mami behind her back, Mister?" Came the musical tease from behind Antonio. He paused, face morphing into an expression of shock as he turned around, hands reaching out to feel the short womans face. "Mami!? Are you seriously here? How!?" He asked, hugging onto her tightly, kissing her head. Romulus chuckled, watching the two with a smile. It really was endearing. "I paid for a flight for her and your brother. I figured they ought to be here for this, right? It's a big deal, and you should both have all your family with you. It wouldn't do to have two important members be so far away."  
"Besides, I thought it'd be good for me to finally meet the boy that has my Tonio smiling again after so long, don't you think?" Isabela pinched her sons cheek, as Miguel ruffled his hair. "Go get him, hermano. We're here to support the two of you."  
Finally it was time, the group walking inside to take their seats. The graduation music began to play, the graduates all walking in, perfectly formed. They took their seats on the stage, and the graduation began. Lovino could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He had done it. He had made it this far in spite of all the obstacles. He had made friends, and even found someone who loved him, and cherished him as though he were a treasure. Some days, Lovino worried he would wake up and find that this had all been some kind of wonderful dream. But no. It was real. When his name was called, he stood in a daze, shaking his grandfathers hand before being pulled into a tight hug, clutching his diploma in his hand, and hugging onto his grandfather happily. Tears streamed down Romulus' face, his voice thick with emotion. "Congratulations. I'm so proud of you." He kissed his grandsons cheek lightly, before letting Lovino return to his seat, Antonio cheering loudly with Feliciano from the crowd.  
He was so incredibly proud of how far Lovino had come. He had truly blossomed, and Antonio was more than a little honored to be the one Lovino showed his true self to first. The boy was Antonios greatest treasure, and he considered himself to be the luckiest man on the face of the planet.  
"Ready?" Feliciano asked beside him, taking his arm. There was no missing the happiness in the fifteen year olds voice. "Yeah, I'm ready." The two slipped out of the auditorium and into the small room where they were to wait and get ready until Antonio heard his cue. He'd still be able to hear his sweet Lovinos speech from in here, they'd made sure of that.  
Finally, it was time for Lovino to give his speech. "And now, introducing this years Valedictorian, Lovino Luca Vargas." Lovino took a deep breath, standing and walking to the pulpit.  
"Good afternoon everyone." He began, before laughing awkwardly. "I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit nervous right now. When I was asked to be this years Valedictorian, I was absolutely shocked. But then- I was lost. What could I possibly say to all of you here today? But then I thought about it.. and I sought council from the people I love the most. And finally, I decided to just tell you all what I know. And so, standing here today in front of you, I'm going to tell you my story."  
Lovino took a deep breath before continuing. "I was born to Valencia Auguri and Luciano Vargas on March 17, 1993, in a small village outside of Florence. When I was a year old, we moved here, to America. For the first two years of my life, I was like the rest of you. A normal little boy, who loved playing, and helping his Daddy with anything he could. When I was two years old, my brother was born. I loved my brother very much, and tried to help as much as I could. But- my parents had decided they no longer wanted me. Only my brother. I didn't understand at first. I loved them, why didn't they love me? When I was eight years old, they were killed in a plane crash that left no survivors, and my brother and I were sent to live with our grandfather, Headmaster Vargas. Grandpa is a wonderful person, as you all know, with not a single unkind bone in his whole body. However, I was scared. Scared that he would love my brother more. And so I shut myself off. I became the Lovino you all used to know and hate. And even still- I wasn't so different from the rest of you. Like many of you, my biggest dream was to get my own car. And so, for my seventeenth birthday, my grandfather delivered. Two weeks later, I was behind the wheel, enjoying my freedom. It was late, it was dark, and I, being seventeen, was driving too fast." The teen paused a moment before continuing.  
"A rabbit jumped out in front of me, and I swerved to avoid it, sending me, and my brand new car, rolling down a hill towards a tree. I was lucky to be alive. I had managed to escape without too much serious damage. However.. I awoke to darkness."  
Antonio listened intently, pride swelling in his chest. He knew how scary this was for Lovino, knew how hard it was. And he was amazed with how brave Lovino was being. And in the auditorium, the audience shared that same intrigue, listening closely.  
"At first, I thought Grandpa was playing a trick on me. As it turned out, some shards of glass had sliced through the nerves in my eyes, taking away my sight. I was devastated." Lovino frowned slightly, thoughtful. "I thought nothing would ever be ok again. I had already lost everything else. Now my eyes too? I laid in my bed for two weeks, moping and feeling sorry for myself. Until one day there was a knock on my door. It was Mister Fernandez- Carriedo, as most of you know him. As many of you know, he was born blind. Antonio spent the next few months teaching me how to read braille, and showing me that I could still do all the things I loved. I could still paint, I could still draw. But as well, he took the time to show me so many new things, and helped me experience the world in a whole new way. Everything became vivid, alive, even without color. And before long, I found myself falling in love with him. Even more than that, I found that he had somehow gotten past all my defenses, all my fears, and allowed me to show my true self to all of you. No one had ever cared before. Even so, I was scared. We've been together three months now, and I'm still scared." He laughed awkwardly. "But here is the thing. Fear is only as powerful as you let it be. I stand here in front of you today to tell you that all obstacles, no matter how scary they may seem, are possible to overcome. Have faith in yourselves. Have faith in your friends, in the people you love. But in everything, remember that the world is a beautiful place if you just let it be. Don't always be in a hurry. Take the time to stop and smell the roses, to play in the rain. Laugh, love with everything in you. Make life truly worth it, so that it doesn't slip away from you."  
A beautiful smile broke across his face. "I believe in you all, and I hope you all believe in yourselves. With love, faith, and joy, it's impossible to not succeed. Congratulations to each and every one of you, and good luck as you go on with your beautiful lives."  
Cheers erupted from the audience, many eyes bleary with tears. It was a touching story, and amazing to see just how far Lovino had come. They all knew who was to thank for it. There had never been any doubt.  
Romulus sniffled, once more taking the pulpit after taking his grandson into his arms for one more heartfelt embrace. "My grandson, Lovino Vargas! Now then… the graduating class has actually put together a special… surprise… for their Valedictorian in recognition of his strength, and as a thanks for inspiring them. I'll let them take it away." A grin crossed his face, as he nodded to the students. Each student moved to a large vase with roses and forget me nots, taking on each, as Lovinos head tilted in confusion. Something for him? A flush touched his cheeks. What was it?  
All of a sudden, upbeat music began to play from the auditorium speakers, as someone took Lovinos hand, coaxing him into standing back up.  
 _It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you._  
"Congratulations." Michelles voice murmured quietly, before pressing the first flower into his hand, spinning him across the aisle to Alfred. "Great speech, Lov. Keep smiling for us." The American teased, dancing with him a moment before pressing another flower into his hands.  
 _Is it that look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice? Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you._  
Lovino was moved into another persons arms, laughing as he was spun again, his cheek pecked another another flower was pressed into his hands. He was so confused, but he was having so much fun! The music, the words, the flowers, it filled him with a sense of childlike delight.  
 _Don't say no, no, no, no, no. Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll go, go, go, go, go, if you're ready, like I'm ready._  
This continued throughout the song, a bouquet forming in the Italians hands, as he was spun one last time. However, this time, someone caught his hands, and his cheeks heated up as he heard Antonios voice in front of and… below him?  
"It's a beautiful night… we're looking for something dumb to do… hey baby.. I think I wanna marry you.."Antonio sang, cradling Lovinos hand in his own, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a box, pressing it into Lovinos hand as the graduating class danced around them.  
Just say I do, tell me right now baby. Tell me right now baby, baby.  
"Lovino Luca Vargas? I love you.. more than anyone I have ever known. I've been through a lot in my life, and if there is one thing is has taught me, it's that you have to live life to the fullest while you can. I never want to lose you, not again. And so, I, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo Damario de Romeo y Serafin Christovilla de Domenico Abrego y de la Ruquena Serratio da Lascano y Villasenor, am, with the blessing of your grandfather and your brother, with everyone here as witness, asking if you, Lovino Luca Vargas, would marry me and spend the rest of your life letting me do my very best to make you smile. Life will never be perfect, we'll have our ups and downs. But with you by my side, it's the closest to Heaven Earth can offer."  
Tears of joy welled in Lovinos eyes as he listened to Antonio, opening the box and sliding the little diamond ring onto his finger. "Yes! Of course I'll marry you, Toni! I love you so much!" Antonio scooped him into a hug, kissing him softly as the audience cheered loudly. "B-but if you ever pull something like that again you're sleeping on the couch." Lovino hiccuped, laughing through his tears.  
Romulus smiled from the pulpit. "With that, I would like to introduce your class of 2011!" The grads all threw their hats in the air, laughing and hugging onto each other, before moving to find their families. Antonio lifted Lovino down off the stage, taking his hand. "Your grandpa had a surprise for both of us too.. My mom and brother are here. You finally get to meet them." He led him over, Lovino instantly being brought into yet another hug by a short woman. "Hola, little one! I'm Isabela, Antonios Mami. Oh Tonio, he's even more beautiful than I expected! Welcome to the family little one." Miguel was next, ruffling the Italians hair. "I always wanted a little bro. Be nice to my brother, ok?"  
The four were interrupted by a tap to Lovins shoulder. "Excuse me, Mister Vargas? May I speak to you a moment? My name is Andrew Higgins, I run an art gallery in New York, as well as teach classes at Marksdale Institution of Art."  
Lovino paused, turning to face the man. "Y-yes, of course Sir." He murmured, following him to a more secluded area. "First of all.." The man egan. "Congratulations. Thats some man you've got there. Now then- I'm here to offer you your own gallery. I've seen your paintings, and I adore them. I've never seen anything with so much feeling in it before. As well, I'd like to offer you a full scholarship to Marksdale."  
Lovinos face was one of disbelief. "You.. mean that!? I accept of course! But.. how did you see my paintings? I don't show anyone but my fiance and my friends." The man chuckled. "That fiance of yours sent me pictures of them, pleading for me to take a look at them and explaining the situation. You're truly an inspiration."  
Lovino fell even harder for the man he was going to marry. "Well, I guess I owe him even more." He murmured, laughing. "Thank you so much for this opportunity sir! I promise I won't let you down!" With that, he ran back to where Romulus and Feliciano now stood with Antonio and his family. "He offered me a scholarship in New York! Tonio, I get my own gallery!"  
Antonio captured him in his arms, spinning him around lovingly. "I knew you could do it. I had Ulrich take the pictures and I mailed them off. I am so so proud of you!" Lovino wound his arms around his beloveds neck, knowing he had gotten everything he had ever wished for and more.


	37. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, Ashes is trash who forgot to upload this six months ago, but here you guys go, this is the end of it!

“Esmeralda, slow down, honey, you don’t want to fall!” Lovino called out, hearing the rapid pitter patter of toddler feet. The little girl stopped, instead crawling onto Lovinos lap, snuggling up to him. “Why can’t I run, Daddy?” She questioned. Across the kitchen table, Antonio smiled.   
“If you run, you’ll bump into things and get a booboo. You don’t want that, do you?” The Spaniard asked, his voice filled with amusement.  
Antonio and Lovino had been married a year after Lovino graduated, after having moved to New York City. The wedding had been small, they had it in a garden, both grooms clad in white suits. And when it had come time for vows, both Lovino and Antonio had spilled their hearts deepest feelings, binding them together forever. Antonio had gotten a new job as well, teaching an an elementary school near their new home. He absolutely loved it. Nothing satisfied him more than making a child laugh. It hadn’t been long until Lovino had become a well known artist, and while the two were able to live comfortably, something was missing. It hadn’t taken either man very long to figure out what that was.   
And so, hand in hand they had gone to an adoption agency, and begun their quest. It had taken some time, and a lot of preparation, but finally, after a year of waiting, two year old Esmeralda had come to live with them. Lovino had never been happier. He had taken the time to paint her room in soft pinks and yellows, with help from Feliciano. Almost instantly, Esmeralda had become a vital part of their lives.  
“No Papa! I don’t want owwies!” The little girl agreed. “Daddy, Papa? Can we play in the puddles today?” She questioned, emerald eyes so alike her adoptive parents glowing with excitement. Raven curls bounced as Antonio stood, walking around the table to scoop his daughter into his arms. “I think playing in the puddles sounds perfect, mi corazoncito.” He agreed, raspberrying the now four year olds cheek. Lovino giggled softly, listening to the two. He had never, in all his wildest dreams, imagined that life could be so sweet. But here he was, and it was. The twenty two year old thanked God every day for Antonio. He knew none of this would have been possible. Leaning up, Lovino kissed their daughters head, before pressing a chaste kiss to his husbands lips. “Ti amo.” He murmured.   
“Forever and ever.” Antonio agreed.


	38. A note from Ashes

A/N- Hey guys, just a little bit of an update! Those of you who read To You Whom I Call Brother will have already seen this, but thanks to getting down to a bit of crunch time, I’ve decided to post this notice on my other currently updating stories as well. Thanks to losing my job, and having to move out of residence in twelve days, I am offering fanfiction commissions.

Prices will be $10 for a 1500 word fic.  
You can choose:  
Pairing  
Prompt (if there is one on tumblr you’ve seen, send it to me with the request and I’ll do my best!) If you do not have a plot idea, only a pairing and a genre, we can discuss possibilities. (I have way too many prompts and ideas for fanfictions))  
Genre  
Just a note, for anyone under the age of eighteen, I will not be writing smut. For anyone over that age, I have no issue doing so.  
For hetalia requests, 2ps and nyos are fine as well.  
This can be for any fandom, not just hetalia, although that is the one I know the best. It can also be any pairing, germancest, usuk, itacest, spamano, fruk, etc. I’d be willing to write with ocs as well, as long as a detailed description of appearance/personality is provided.

Some examples of my other work with different pairings are listed when my penname is clicked. 

As well, I am willing to take commissions for continued stories if so wished, with a set amount of updates decided upon by the commissioner per week.  
If interested, or if you have any questions, you can contact me through my inbox at sacrifice-for-triumph.tumblr.com, or at rhyleighdean@gmail.com

Also one other note I’ve been meaning to put up. I want you all to know how much I appreciate every review you give, and I always tell myself to reply to each, but in the end I’m terrible at remembering to write these Authors notes. So if any of you ever want to shoot me a question about one of my stories, or about my updating schedule (which Lord help me I’m fleshing out), I can be reached at the above mentioned email, my fanfiction blog (sacrifice-for-triumph.tumblr.com), or my cosplay ask blog (ask-bundesrepublik-deutschland.tumblr.com). I love hearing from you guys so please never hesitate to contact me! 

-Ashes (Rhyleigh)


	39. Note From Ashes

Oh Dear Lord, I am so sorry for vanishing for like ever. I've got a billion other projects on the go, and am only just now making my way back to working on the novel version of this (For those of you who weren't aware that I'm working on a novel edit, more information can be found on the facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/YourLoveCanBeMySight)).  
The good news though: I've found an editor for my first draft. I'll be hiring a second editor down the road to do the finalization as a bit of experience for them, and a great help to me. I'm back to working on revising and writing new content for this story as well, so as long as I've made you guys wait for new updates, I promise this has not been forgotten~! As well, I'm also working on the sequel, Rain on the Windows, although apart from the first few chapters being done, it's still more in the planning phase while I work on story commissions, my own original writing business "Your Life in Ink" and work on my billion other things.  
However, the goal is to get this sent this off to a publisher no later than Christmas, and I'm hoping sooner, as well as have the second book finished by then. The second book will focus mostly on Vincenzo and Antonios lives leading up to Your Love Can Be My Sight.

-A very long note from Ashes (aka Rhyleigh)


	40. Update on the Future of Your Love Can Be My Sight!

Hey guys, Ashes here with a bit of an update. As opposed to spending months, money I don’t have, and emotional exhaustion on sending Your Love Can Be My Sight to publishing houses, I have decided to finish up the last few things to be done on it, send it through my editor, and publish it as an ebook for sale on Amazon Kindle! For those of you who don’t have Kindle, don’t despair, you can download a free kindle app on any pc or smartphone!

The book will not be priced too high, about 2.00 USD, and will, ((fingers crossed!!)), be available for purchase as soon as the end of next week or the week after!

For those of you who enjoyed this version, this is going to be a longer edition, with far more content, and of course- all original characters, content and design! I’ve really appreciated all the support on my writing endeavors, and hope you will all to continue to support my writing as I attempt to publish original content!

As well, if this does well and gets good reception on Amazon, then I will go ahead and write the next book in the series. There is at least two more planned out as well!

-Ashes


	41. IMPORTANT EXCITING UPDATE

Hey guys, Ashes here with some really cool news!  
As of tonight, I have a book available for purchase on the kindle store, on all of their global markets!

The name of it is Aeilliema. It is a romantic fantasy story, and the first in a series I plan on writing. So to anyone who has been enjoying my stories on here, I would be incredibly grateful if you would continue to support me with this endeavor!

-Ashes

*Below is a link to the American site, but it’s available on all Amazon Kindle marketplaces. As well, if you don’t have a kindle, there is a free kindle app available for all devices*

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015VSFS70?*Version*=1&*entries*=0


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